Transitions, big and small

Also: A day in the life of a DNC delegate [❤️ Donate]( [View in Browser]( August 25, 2024  Dear Cog reader, I've often said that raising children would be easy if it weren't for the transitions- both the macro and the micro. The former - from crib to bed, from diapers to dry pants, from only kid to older sibling - can take weeks or months to manage. But the latter - the tiny transitions from bath to bed, from backdoor to car seat, from playtime to naptime - can feel like death by a thousand cuts. I still break into a cold sweat thinking about the small-scale blackmail and high-stakes negotiation involved in that  phase of life. At one point as a mother of three young kids, I was so exhausted by it all that I daydreamed about joining the National Guard so I could have one weekend a month "off."  My oldest child had a particularly tough time with transitions. We tried to warn him - "OK, buddy, in five minutes, we're going to walk to school" - but he didn't trust our timekeeping. "That wasn't five minutes!" he'd protest, though it most certainly had been. So, I bought a Timex Ironman watch - just for the timer function (this was way before the Apple Watch). We used that timer for everything from screen time to bedtime and the transitions slowly became smoother. But even after learning to trust this reliable method, my son liked having a couple of warnings. I remember one particular evening when I gave him a heads-up as his time in the bath came to a close.  "OK, buddy," I said. "The timer's going to go off in two minutes. And you know what happens then, right?" The correct answer, of course, was: Get out of the tub without fussing. His response? "Yup. I'm going to freak out."  And that's the thing. Sometimes we freak out, even though we know a transition is coming. Even though we know it's inevitable. Even though that transition was part of the bigger plan all along. It's something I can't stop thinking about as my social media feed fills up this week with images of kids being dropped off at college, parents freaking out.  I want to be able to say I get it. But if I'm being honest, I don't. "Wasn't this the goal," I ask friends who dread the big day. "Isn't this what your kid has been working toward all this time? Aren't we lucky to be able to afford this?" Sometimes, my lack of empathy has made me wonder if something's wrong with me. Other moms tell me stories of crying in their cars after saying goodbye. My husband and I went to a bar, had a beer and toasted each other. "One down, two to go," I said after we deposited the boy who trusted a digital watch more than he trusted me in his dorm room. But maybe I've oversimplified my feelings because the emotions surrounding this particular transition are so hard to articulate. This week, Cog contributor Meaghan Shields gave me the words I was looking for in her beautiful essay, "[This hour of life is magic]( Meaghan struggled so much with her daughter's college send-off that she canceled her family's annual beach vacation last year. But this year, it was back on. "There in the ocean, floating and riding the waves, kicking water at each other, talking silliness and seriousness, side by side, I felt the loveliness of life's in-betweenness," she writes.  The liminal space transitions give us to rethink our lives and redefine ourselves can be uncomfortable, but it can also be beautiful. That in-betweenness is a place of great growth - if we're willing to sit in discomfort. Whatever transitions you're dealing with as fall approaches, I hope you can make space for the in-betweenness and stay there a while.  Until soon, Kate Neale Cooper Editor, Cognoscenti Must Reads [This hour of life is magic]( In the empty nest articles I read last summer, there was a lot of advice about relationships with other people, writes Meaghan Shields. But I had no idea that becoming an empty nester would improve my relationship with myself. [Read more.]( [This hour of life is magic]( In the empty nest articles I read last summer, there was a lot of advice about relationships with other people, writes Meaghan Shields. But I had no idea that becoming an empty nester would improve my relationship with myself. [Read more.]( [My friend Kathy Willens wasn't the type for shortcuts]( Pulitzer Prize winner Madeleine Blais remembers her friend Kathy Willens, a pathbreaking Associated Press photojournalist for nearly 45 years, who died in July at 74 from ovarian cancer. [Read more.]( [My friend Kathy Willens wasn't the type for shortcuts]( Pulitzer Prize winner Madeleine Blais remembers her friend Kathy Willens, a pathbreaking Associated Press photojournalist for nearly 45 years, who died in July at 74 from ovarian cancer. [Read more.]( [FROM THE ARCHIVES: When I'm Out In The Water With My Daughter]( I could fill an ocean with all I still can't control, but after keeping my daughter so close, it's wonderful to see her paddle away from me, writes Sara Shukla. [Read more.]( [FROM THE ARCHIVES: When I'm Out In The Water With My Daughter]( I could fill an ocean with all I still can't control, but after keeping my daughter so close, it's wonderful to see her paddle away from me, writes Sara Shukla. [Read more.]( ['In the room where it happens' - a day in the life of a DNC delegate]( There's nothing ceremonial about the role of delegate at this year's Democratic National Convention, writes Kaivan Shroff. [Read more.]( ['In the room where it happens' - a day in the life of a DNC delegate]( There's nothing ceremonial about the role of delegate at this year's Democratic National Convention, writes Kaivan Shroff. [Read more.]( [Voter registration in hospitals is the new frontier in health care]( Voting isn't just a civic duty, write Alister Martin and Aliya Bhatia. It's a social determinant of health. [Read more.]( [Voter registration in hospitals is the new frontier in health care]( Voting isn't just a civic duty, write Alister Martin and Aliya Bhatia. It's a social determinant of health. [Read more.]( What We're Reading "Much of the American school system-for better or worse-is built on the unpaid labor of parents, disproportionately moms who do not work outside the home." "[Should Parents Stay Home to Raise Kids?]( The Atlantic.  "Nobody delivers a speech that good unless he's got a clear intellectual argument behind it and a burning conviction that he's right." "[Tim Walz and JD Vance are having the argument that matters,]( The Washington Post.  "The addictive draw of a gambling floor is obvious to anyone who visits. But it's equally obvious to almost all that no one should really want to live there." "[We all live in Vegas now]( The New York Times.   "It's these moments, these faces, these voices that the thousands of delegates in attendence and millions of viewers at home will remember as they log countless hours of phone banking, donate their hard-eanred dollars and work to win over undecided voters between now and November." - Kaivan Shroff, ['In the room where it happens' - a day in the life of a DNC delegate](   ICYMI [Shall we dance? How the cha-cha helped my marriage]( No matter how old we are, the discomfort of learning to do basic dance steps with strangers is one way to become a kinder person. Especially to your spouse, writes Molly M. Schpero. [Read more.]( [Shall we dance? How the cha-cha helped my marriage]( No matter how old we are, the discomfort of learning to do basic dance steps with strangers is one way to become a kinder person. Especially to your spouse, writes Molly M. Schpero. [Read more.]( If you'd like to write for Cognoscenti, send your submission, pasted into your email and not as an attachment, to opinion@wbur.org. Please tell us in one line what the piece is about, and please tell us in one line who you are. 😎 Forward to a friend. They can sign up [here](. 🔎 Explore [WBUR's Field Guide]( stories, events and more. 📣 Give us your feedback: newsletters@wbur.org 📧 Get more WBUR stories sent to your inbox. [Check out all of our newsletter offerings.](   [Donate](   # # Want to change how you receive these emails? Stop getting this newsletter by [updating your preferences](.   I don't want to hear from WBUR anymore. Unsubscribe from all WBUR editorial newsletters [here](.   Interested in learning more about corporate sponsorship? 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