Lemonade Wisdom 🍋 One Mom's Battle & 2024

I find myself contemplating, “what’s next” for One Mom’s Battle? Greetings! Here we are in February, and I am still processing 2023. Anyone else with me on this? When the calendar turned from January to February, I was sitting over here thinking… “But wait, please wait! Not quite there yet…!” Alas, the days are continuing to unfold so obviously I need to pick up the pace and catch up. Can we just talk about 2023 for a minute? In my 49 years on this planet, I don't know that I've ever experienced a year more jam-packed with life lessons, heartbreak, learning experiences, celebrations, "aha" moments and a whole bunch of "WTF’s." It felt like a whirlwind and sometimes, a tornado that uprooted things and tossed debris everywhere. I feel like I am in the aftermath of a storm, where everything is eerily quiet and there is a palpable sense of unknowns (and transformation) in the air. It’s almost as if the world is holding its breath, absorbing the raw power that just passed through. There are a wide range of emotions left to process and all the *feels* ranging from relief and tranquility to introspection and renewal. We have weathered the tempest of 2023, and there is a sense of relief and a collective exhale for many of us. I learned some lessons, many of them painful. While I am a bit late to the party, I’m ready to join 2024. Last year was a stark reminder of the fragility of life and the impermanence of the things we value and hold dear. One of the most painful lessons I learned was that the upper-tier of family court advocacy is not for me; my skin isn’t thick enough. Politics (and people) can be brutal and dehumanizing. I will always use my platform to promote legislation that I believe in but being an active participant is not my cup of tea. If you are working on legislation that I should know about, feel free to drop me a line. I find myself contemplating, “what’s next” for One Mom’s Battle? Despite all the awareness that’s been created on these topics, things continue to get worse and not better. The unknowns and discomfort that I am feeling right now are a natural part of growth and change and I continue to remind myself of this. "Where do I feel most led to dedicate my time and energy," is a question I continue to ponder and the answers for me continue to emerge: - The children – the kiddos in this system are my fuel. With my own children, I worked overtime to ensure they were as unscathed as possible, and I want to help others do the same with their own children. These children need to be heard and validated but there is a fine line. With the climate of our system, parents risk claims of “[alienation]( for simply listening to their children. These children need tools and resources and I want to be intentional about walking down this path because everything comes back to the kids. Part of my focus will be shifting in this direction so if you have suggestions or resources that have been helpful for you, please let me know. - The young adults who have aged out of the system – I want to help them create a platform, I want to help them come together and mobilize. I will work to amplify their voices, experiences and their demands for change. For many years, I have said that the children aging out of the system will be the change and mark my words, #TheChildrenAreComing. If you know of a young adult who is interested in sharing their story or becoming part of the change, please have them [click here and scroll down to ‘part two’ to submit their story](. If you have a background in the legal or therapeutic realm (or public relations), I would love to connect if you are interested in learning more about this project. - The protective parents – this journey is brutal and unpredictable, I want to empower and equip these parents to understand the system, especially the ones who are new to the family court system. So many mistakes can be avoided if a parent is properly equipped and understands the importance of strategy. I also want to emphasize to these parents how much power they have. I am a firm believer that a child needs one healthy parent to make it through this, YOU are that healthy parent. This odd space that I find myself in is part of the journey—one filled with twists, turns, and unexpected revelations. Embracing the unknowns of this new chapter means embracing the journey itself, with all of its ups and downs. It's about allowing ourselves to be curious, open-minded, and willing to grow from our experiences. This unknown realm isn’t my first rodeo, it reminds me of the end phases of my custody battle. I had been fighting for so long that it became my default mode, when a sliver of peace is handed to you, it’s foreign and you don’t even know what to do with it. You are holding it in your hand and turning it over, looking at it from different angles and trying to absorb it but it takes time. Even though your mind knows that the fight is over or that the threat has decreased, your body hasn’t fully embraced the new reality yet. It takes time and we have to give ourselves grace. Life's journeys are replete with moments of adversity and challenge, testing our resolve and fortitude. Whether we are confronted with personal hardships, global crises, or unexpected obstacles, difficult times call for the embodiment of grace—a quality that allows us to navigate through turmoil with dignity, poise, and resilience. One of the cornerstones of handling the unknowns with grace is the cultivation of emotional resilience (a word that I have very mixed feelings about). This entails acknowledging our emotions, validating our experiences, and pressing pause when needed. The goal is to weather the storms while maintaining a sense of equilibrium - and when we lose our balance, we dust ourselves off and we try again. As I finally start to sink into 2024, I send you wishes of love, light and peace – for you and your children. As Glennon Doyle says, “We can do hard things.” I am cheering you on, now and always! Tina FREE DIVORCE COACHING - if you are feeling overwhelmed by your family court case and need a strategy partner, this is an incredible opportunity for free divorce coaching. If selected, you will be paired with a coach for 2 FREE coaching sessions between March 3 and March 16, 2024. The ideal candidate for free coaching: • Is currently separated, divorcing, divorced or never married (paternity cases). • Is experiencing ongoing litigation, post separation abuse, abusive communication, or co-parenting struggles. • Is not currently working with a divorce coach as this opportunity is reserved for those new to divorce coaching. Requirements for two FREE divorce coaching sessions: This part of our program is considered the final assignment for our student coaches, so we do require a firm commitment. If you are chosen to participate, you will receive two free coaching sessions in the following order: • Week of March 3: one introductory session (one-hour in length). You must have flexibility in your schedule to accommodate this appointment. • Week of March 10: second session (30-minutes minimum). You must have flexibility in your schedule to accommodate this appointment. • Survey: immediately following the second coaching session, a survey will be sent to you and is due within 48-hours of receipt. Important: Since these are student coaches, we are not able to take cases that involve allegations or findings of sexual abuse. Divorce coaches are not qualified to offer mental health advice or legal advice. Divorce coaches do not replace the services of a therapist or an attorney. If you have read this entire post and can commit to the above requirements, you may submit your application by [clicking here.]( Password: VClientM21 AFFIRMATION CARDS FOR CHILDREN - a great activity for your children in 2024! "I know my boundaries" - When there is a toxic or unhealthy parent in the equation, boundaries are not only ignored, they can be seen as a challenge to conquer. We need to be teaching our children about boundaries - classmates, with friends, and even with adults. What are boundaries and how do we talk to our children about this important topic? This card opens that door of communication; boundaries can be emotional, spiritual, mental, physical, etc. Talk to your children about examples of boundaries. We must talk about boundaries with our children - regardless of whether they have an unhealthy parent or not. To order, go to [www.pinkfireworks.com]( Coming in 2024: The Narc Decoder: Volume Two --------------------------------------------------------------- Divorcing a narcissist or child custody proceedings with a narcissist can feel all-consuming, demoralizing and destabilizing. Common sense and intuition calls for personal protection and firm boundaries yet the family court system demands that survivors acquiesce to the abuser. The court system itself becomes the platform for post separation abuse and the children become pawns and weapons. In a family court system that remains untrained on important topics such as domestic abuse, post separation abuse, coercive control, and victim versus perpetrator behaviors, many survivors are portrayed in a negative light as a result of their communication style. "When I first wrote The Narc Decoder in 2016, it was a much different climate in the family court system. While family court has never been a safe place for survivors of domestic abuse, the atmosphere has become even more concerning and has reached crisis level. It is inhumane for someone to be court-ordered to coparent with their abuser however, there are some harsh realities in the family court system. Healthy, reasonable parents are commonly painted as hysterical, unhinged, "alienators" so operating from a place of strategy is a critical component to protecting one's children. Protective parents are under a high-powered microscope and must navigate accordingly. I look forward to providing an updated guide for survivors who are forced to communicate with a narcissist or other toxic individual during child custody proceedings." -Tina Swithin Interested in submitting your "crazy making" communication for possible inclusion in the new addition? [Click here to read submission examples]( and to understand the format. After you have familiarize yourself, [click here to submit](. Explosive documentary by Olivia Gentile: "Hundreds of children across the United States have been sent into controversial treatment programs where they’re cut off from the parent they trust and forced to live with the one they fear. This investigation explores how proponents of “parental alienation” theory have convinced family court judges to order children into these experimental reunification programs, usually during a custody battle in a divorce. The therapists claim their programs can repair broken parent-child relationships, but critics call them junk science and say they have traumatized kids." Accompanying article: "[The Backstory: Olivia Gentile: Reporting on Parental Alienation]( We’d like to hear about family court professionals who are NOT acting “in the best interest” of children and survivors. Link: [www.intheirbestinterest.com]( Divorce Coaching v. High Conflict Divorce Coaching Which career path is right for you? A Divorce Coach (DC) becomes a cheerleader for their client, providing emotional support as the client learns to traverse the new, unchartered territory of divorce and the blank pages that await them in the next chapter. Those blank pages can be anxiety inducing, so the support of a DC is invaluable. A DC asks open-ended questions, allowing the client to take the reins and lead while simultaneously tapping into their wants, feelings and core values which often get lost or neglected during the marriage. The end result is often an empowered client who is able to see the process in a new and more hopeful light. A High Conflict Divorce Coach (HCDC) becomes a strategy partner for their client, getting into the trenches and assuming position as a trusted team member. A HCDC maintains strong boundaries, not crossing into attorney territory (legal advice) or therapeutic territory (mental health). The services and support of a HCDC compliments the work of family law attorneys and mental health providers. The HCDC holds a unique lens, helping their clients to see things from a variety of angles and perspectives so they are fully educated on the process. The HCDC guides the client to operate from a place of strategy versus emotion. If you have questions, email tina@hcdivorcecoach.com. This is what a recent graduate had to say about our program: "Everything about this course was excellent. The format was easily accessible to various brain styles (video, text, live calls, and inter-class communications). The actual content was so thoughtfully curated; every single lesson was readily applicable and there was absolutely no fluff. And then having the opportunity to coach a real client was invaluable. If you take the course you will be prepared to be a divorce coach of the highest professional and ethical caliber, and you will be connected with inspiring people working alongside you. It is not something you can “wing.” The effort and time is 1000% worth it." -Jamie Clarisse Apply today at [hcdivorcecoach.com/apply]( and join us for August 2024 session! [Click here to learn ALL about becoming a High Conflict Divorce Coach.]( If you resonate with any of the following statements, you would be helped by having a divorce coach on your team: - I am new to divorcing a narcissist (or high conflict individual) and I don’t want to make mistakes. - I am struggling with radical acceptance and/or managing my expectations. - I struggle with what (and how) to document. - I have been using gray rock communication and it’s hurting my case. - I don’t understand what matters to the court system and I feel lost. - I feel alone and no one understands – my own therapist seems baffled. - I am at odds with my attorney, and I don’t feel heard. - I am facing a custody evaluation and I don’t know how to prepare. - The judge sees me as part of the problem and I don’t know how to turn this around. Our high-conflict divorce coaches have received extensive training on post separation abuse. These coaches have been taught by leading experts around the world and they are trained to serve as strategy partners. Check our referral database at [www.hcdivorcecoach.com/coach]( - [The incredible tale of one mom's successful battle to be free from her narcissistic ex-husband]( - [Gains in the movement to end most pervasive violence in the world - North Dallas Gazette]( - [ABC7: Piqui's Law - named for South Pasadena boy murdered by his father - heading to Newsom's desk]( - [Insider: California legislature passes bill aiming to protect children from abusers during custody disputes]( - [Roundtable: Violence, Criminality, and Human Rights Violations in the Family Courts with Dr. Bandy Lee]( - Survivor Squad Podcast: [Part I: Money, Manipulation & Mayhem w/ Tina Swithin]( - Survivor Squad Podcast: [Part II: Money, Manipulation & Mayhem w/ Tina Swithin]( - [Toxic: The Podcast: Episode 75: Not the Fun Kind of Camp—Family Reunification Camps, aka, Legalized Kidnappings, Are Disturbing as Hell]( - [Your Divorce Survival Guide: Exposing Parental Alienation in Family Courts with Grant Wyeth]( - [What Came Next Podcast]( - [Ms. Magazine: Remembering Catherine Kassenoff and Continuing the Fight for Fair U.S. Child Custody Outcomes]( - [What You Need to Know About Reunification Therapy (Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast)]( - [Here's the Truth About Reunification Camps (Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast)]( - [Nightline: Lala Kent and Tina Swithin]( - [Navigating Narcissism: Dr. Ramani and Tina Swithin]( - [Insider: Her son said his stepdad was sexually abusive. A judge gave the stepdad custody anyway. Then she found the photographs]( - [One Mom's Battle by Annie Kenny: Welcome to America, the Land of the Free - Unless you are the Child of An Abuser]( - [ProPublica: Barricaded Siblings Turn to TikTok While Defying Court Order to Return to Father They Say Abused Them]( - [Page Six: Lala Kent Protesting Family Court Abuse]( - [San Francisco Public Press: Family Courts Rely on Dubious Theory to Dismiss Child Abuse Claims]( - [San Francisco Public Press: Children’s Violent Removal From Santa Cruz Home Raises Calls to End Reunification Camps]( - [Good Times Santa Cruz: Teens and Lawmakers Work to Outlaw Reunification Therapy]( [Facebook]( [Twitter]( [Link]( [Website]( [Pinterest]( [LinkedIn]( [YouTube]( Our mailing address is: One Mom's Battle/Tina Swithin P.O. Box 123 San Luis Obispo, California 93406 Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. Copyright © 2023 One Mom's Battle, LLC, All rights reserved