Lemonade Wisdom 🍋 "Unsubscribing" from things that no longer serve us

“One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul.” – Brigitte Nicole I am “unsubscribing” from things that do not serve me. Where do I even start? I feel like I am embarking on the biggest “spring cleaning,” of my lifetime – inside and out. Why do we wait until there’s a health crisis or some other life altering event to unsubscribe from things that no longer serve us? What in your life present day is weighing you down or exhausting you? There is the obvious: family court, but my guess is that there are other things that you can realistically scrub from your life. Maybe it’s a friendship or a family member that causes more grief than joy? Maybe you don’t have to completely end the relationship but exploring boundaries can be helpful and feel relieving. Maybe it’s a volunteer obligation that needs to be put on the back burner? Maybe it’s spending time this weekend clearing the clutter from your desk or organizing your bedroom to be a place of peace and solitude? Maybe it’s as simple as unsubscribing to the never-ending emails and junk mail that come through during the holiday season? Heck, I have never encouraged someone to unsubscribe from my email list but… maybe you are in a place that my messages no longer serve you? Maybe you have found some semblance of peace in your present-day custody battle (it does happen, I promise!) and you need to scale back from all of the support groups and constant messaging about narcissism and family court? That’s OK, and it’s better than OK. It can be freeing – and for those who are in need of the support, it gives them hope to hear that some of you are in this place. We are all in this together, cheering each other on regardless of where we are on the journey. Today’s world feels overwhelming, between the news and social media and whatever is going on in our personal lives, it’s a lot. Sometimes, it’s too much to carry. I don’t think we should wait for a life altering event to make changes. Today feels like a pretty good day to get started simplifying life. As I watched my dad fight for his life over the past few years, I watched him becoming crystal clear on the things that truly mattered. I found myself Googling, “advice from those who are dying.” It may sound morbid but, let me tell you…I found the most pure, authentic words of wisdom. And then I had my own crisis: in April (around the time my dad died), I woke up one morning to find that my left leg wasn’t working. An MRI confirmed a new lesion on my spinal cord. It was a huge wake up call for me. Around this time, I received a new diagnosis; a very rare disease called MOGAD. It’s so rare that 2024 will be the first time there is an ICD-10 code for the disease. It’s a disease that attacks the central nervous system and given that I have lived in fight or flight mode for two decades, it should not have come as a surprise. The irony: my own body is attacking my nervous system, wreaking havoc on my spinal cord. Full stop. I came across a quote this morning that said, "We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one." -Confucius Every day, I wake up and search for things to be grateful for. It's a practice I leaned into during the darkest times of my own custody battle. There is food in my refrigerator, and I was able to make a hot cup of tea. That is a privilege - I am very lucky to have these things. I am grateful for running water, electricity, and fresh clothes to put on. My favorite saying is, “it’s the little things,” and it truly is. I am unsubscribing from: - Friendships that no longer serve me - People who cause my intuition to flare - Fears that no longer serve me - Other’s opinions of me - Negativity - The daily news (a quick, weekly recap to feel informed is perfectly fine) - Unsolicited advice - Unsolicited emails - Clutter (helloooo simplification) It is an art to let go and to be intentional about creating a life that is more in line with who you are, or who you strive to be. And let’s be clear, there will always be chaos, plot twists and things that are beyond our control. This is life. As we “do life,” we find ourselves clinging to things out of habit, things that no longer serve us. It could be relationships, belongings, habits or emotions. Learning the art of letting go can be a transformative process, leading us to a chapter that is more aligned with our true selves. Letting go, or unsubscribing from things that no longer serve us is an act of courage and wisdom. It involves recognition that certain things have run their course, and no longer contribute positively to our well-being. Maybe we are holding onto these things without even realizing it and that hinders our personal growth, happiness and...our futures. I have found that as I let go, I am creating space for new opportunities, experiences and relationships that are in harmony with my authentic self and, who I want to be. I am being purposeful about what I replace each of these things with. For example: I recently reached out to two friends who I have lost touch with, people I greatly respect and love. I went to coffee with each of them and, I left with my heart and my cup overflowing with love and gratitude. I want to be intentional about investing in people and relationships that are healthy and life-giving. Through this journey, I am finding newfound clarity, a lighter energy and creativity that had felt hindered and stagnant for quite some time. What are some practical steps for releasing things that no longer serve us? Here's a list that has been helpful to me, one that I created while doing research on this topic: 1. Self-reflection: take the time to reflect on aspects of your life that may no longer be serving you. This could include relationships, habits, beliefs, or material possessions. 2. Identify the root cause: understand why these things no longer serve you. Are they causing you emotional distress, holding you back from personal growth, or hindering your well-being? 3. Release emotional attachments: acknowledge and process the emotions associated with what you need to let go of. This may involve seeking closure, forgiveness, or simply accepting that change is necessary. It could include a ritual or a mantra to close this specific chapter, regardless of what the subject matter is. 4. Create a plan: develop a plan for letting go. This may involve setting boundaries in relationships, decluttering your living space, or seeking professional help to navigate through the process. 5. Embrace change: understand that letting go is a process of embracing change. Embrace the discomfort that comes with it, knowing that it is a necessary step towards the life you envision. 6. Cultivate Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself throughout the process. Letting go can be challenging, and it's essential to practice self-compassion as you navigate through the changes. Unsubscribing from or letting go of things that no longer serve us is an empowering and transformative process. Embrace the art of letting go, and you may find that it leads you to a place of greater joy, contentment, and authenticity. If any of this resonates with you, please know that you are not alone. This is a sorority that you would never willingly sign up for but when you need support, the One Mom's Battle (OMB) community is pretty amazing. Lean into the resources we have available - and feel the community support. If you haven't already… be sure to join your local chapter of OMB by going to [www.ombchapters.com](. Sending love and light, Tina Coming in 2024: The Narc Decoder: Volume Two --------------------------------------------------------------- Divorcing a narcissist or child custody proceedings with a narcissist can feel all-consuming, demoralizing and destabilizing. Common sense and intuition calls for personal protection and firm boundaries yet the family court system demands that survivors acquiesce to the abuser. The court system itself becomes the platform for post separation abuse and the children become pawns and weapons. In a family court system that remains untrained on important topics such as domestic abuse, post separation abuse, coercive control, and victim versus perpetrator behaviors, many survivors are portrayed in a negative light as a result of their communication style. "When I first wrote The Narc Decoder in 2016, it was a much different climate in the family court system. While family court has never been a safe place for survivors of domestic abuse, the atmosphere has become even more concerning and has reached crisis level. It is inhumane for someone to be court-ordered to coparent with their abuser however, there are some harsh realities in the family court system. Healthy, reasonable parents are commonly painted as hysterical, unhinged, "alienators" so operating from a place of strategy is a critical component to protecting one's children. Protective parents are under a high-powered microscope and must navigate accordingly. I look forward to providing an updated guide for survivors who are forced to communicate with a narcissist or other toxic individual during child custody proceedings." -Tina Swithin Interested in submitting your "crazy making" communication for possible inclusion in the new addition? [Click here to read submission examples]( and to understand the format. After you have familiarize yourself, [click here to submit](. AFFIRMATION CARDS FOR CHILDREN - holiday gifts or stocking stuffers! "I know my boundaries" - When there is a toxic or unhealthy parent in the equation, boundaries are not only ignored, they can be seen as a challenge to conquer. We need to be teaching our children about boundaries - classmates, with friends, and even with adults. What are boundaries and how do we talk to our children about this important topic? This card opens that door of communication; boundaries can be emotional, spiritual, mental, physical, etc. Talk to your children about examples of boundaries. We must talk about boundaries with our children - regardless of whether they have an unhealthy parent or not. To order, go to [www.pinkfireworks.com]( Explosive documentary by Olivia Gentile: "Hundreds of children across the United States have been sent into controversial treatment programs where they’re cut off from the parent they trust and forced to live with the one they fear. This investigation explores how proponents of “parental alienation” theory have convinced family court judges to order children into these experimental reunification programs, usually during a custody battle in a divorce. The therapists claim their programs can repair broken parent-child relationships, but critics call them junk science and say they have traumatized kids." Accompanying article: "[The Backstory: Olivia Gentile: Reporting on Parental Alienation]( We’d like to hear about family court professionals who are NOT acting “in the best interest” of children and survivors. Link: [www.intheirbestinterest.com]( At the High Conflict Divorce Coach Certification Program, we do not subscribe to the belief that there is always purpose to be found in pain - sometimes there are tragedies that stand alone as unexplainable and horrific. Outside of this category, there are those of us who have been through the family court system and want to ensure that our experiences were not in vain. We seek purpose and are driven to give others a hand up. We strive to be the person we so desperately needed during the darkest moments of our own journeys. It has also been refreshing to walk alongside and mentor professionals who currently work in the family court system or, in the field of mental health. I have the utmost respect for those who recognize that their formal training lacked critical information, hindering them from properly serving their clients. Over the past few years, we have welcomed family law attorneys, guardian ad litem's, paralegals, mediators, social workers, LMFTs and psychologists. One of the testimonials we received from our January cohort was from a family law attorney who said: "As a family law attorney, I thought I knew how to help clients. This course brought me to a whole different level of being able to help people." A.M. (California) This is what another recent graduate had to say about our program: "Everything about this course was excellent. The format was easily accessible to various brain styles (video, text, live calls, and inter-class communications). The actual content was so thoughtfully curated; every single lesson was readily applicable and there was absolutely no fluff. And then having the opportunity to coach a real client was invaluable. If you take the course you will be prepared to be a divorce coach of the highest professional and ethical caliber, and you will be connected with inspiring people working alongside you. It is not something you can “wing.” The effort and time is 1000% worth it." -Jamie Clarisse Apply today at [hcdivorcecoach.com/apply]( and join us for January session! [Click here to learn ALL about becoming a High Conflict Divorce Coach.]( If you resonate with any of the following statements, you would be helped by having a divorce coach on your team: - I am new to divorcing a narcissist (or high conflict individual) and I don’t want to make mistakes. - I am struggling with radical acceptance and/or managing my expectations. - I struggle with what (and how) to document. - I have been using gray rock communication and it’s hurting my case. - I don’t understand what matters to the court system and I feel lost. - I feel alone and no one understands – my own therapist seems baffled. - I am at odds with my attorney, and I don’t feel heard. - I am facing a custody evaluation and I don’t know how to prepare. - The judge sees me as part of the problem and I don’t know how to turn this around. Our high-conflict divorce coaches have received extensive training on post separation abuse. These coaches have been taught by leading experts around the world and they are trained to serve as strategy partners. Check our referral database at [www.hcdivorcecoach.com/coach]( - [Gains in the movement to end most pervasive violence in the world - North Dallas Gazette]( - [ABC7: Piqui's Law - named for South Pasadena boy murdered by his father - heading to Newsom's desk]( - [Insider: California legislature passes bill aiming to protect children from abusers during custody disputes]( - [Roundtable: Violence, Criminality, and Human Rights Violations in the Family Courts with Dr. Bandy Lee]( - Survivor Squad Podcast: [Part I: Money, Manipulation & Mayhem w/ Tina Swithin]( - Survivor Squad Podcast: [Part II: Money, Manipulation & Mayhem w/ Tina Swithin]( - [Toxic: The Podcast: Episode 75: Not the Fun Kind of Camp—Family Reunification Camps, aka, Legalized Kidnappings, Are Disturbing as Hell]( - [Your Divorce Survival Guide: Exposing Parental Alienation in Family Courts with Grant Wyeth]( - [What Came Next Podcast]( - [Ms. Magazine: Remembering Catherine Kassenoff and Continuing the Fight for Fair U.S. Child Custody Outcomes]( - [What You Need to Know About Reunification Therapy (Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast)]( - [Here's the Truth About Reunification Camps (Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast)]( - [Nightline: Lala Kent and Tina Swithin]( - [Navigating Narcissism: Dr. Ramani and Tina Swithin]( - [Insider: Her son said his stepdad was sexually abusive. A judge gave the stepdad custody anyway. Then she found the photographs]( - [One Mom's Battle by Annie Kenny: Welcome to America, the Land of the Free - Unless you are the Child of An Abuser]( - [ProPublica: Barricaded Siblings Turn to TikTok While Defying Court Order to Return to Father They Say Abused Them]( - [Page Six: Lala Kent Protesting Family Court Abuse]( - [San Francisco Public Press: Family Courts Rely on Dubious Theory to Dismiss Child Abuse Claims]( - [San Francisco Public Press: Children’s Violent Removal From Santa Cruz Home Raises Calls to End Reunification Camps]( - [Good Times Santa Cruz: Teens and Lawmakers Work to Outlaw Reunification Therapy]( [Facebook]( [Twitter]( [Link]( [Website]( [Pinterest]( [LinkedIn]( [YouTube]( Our mailing address is: One Mom's Battle/Tina Swithin P.O. Box 123 San Luis Obispo, California 93406 Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. 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