Lemonade Wisdom 🍋 Family Court Files

Hello Warrior Mommas – A friend posted a photo that sent chills down my spine. It was a photo of a cardboard box filled with her court binders. It was packed up and heading for storage. Her daughter just turned 18-years old and they are now free from the family court system. How can one box hold so much trauma? To the casual observer or the untrained eye, these boxes look like any other box stored in someone’s garage. I have numerous boxes – the contents of each box once lined my kitchen table and sometimes, my entire bedroom floor. Piles of paperwork, handwritten notes, timelines, trial briefs, CPS reports, police reports, PI reports, printed emails, declarations, minute orders, transcripts and rulings. Each of these boxes, with its contents neatly organized yet heavy with untold stories- I could fill five books with my story alone. For many of us, a box of family court files is so much more than a box taking up space in our garage, it represents a treacherous journey through trauma, heartbreak, and resilience (I have a love-hate relationship with this word). It is so much more than legal paperwork; it’s the weight of lost dreams, countless tears shed, sleepless nights, sheer desperation, the pleas of children and the cruelty of motherhood being hijacked. The end of my case came in stages: - 2013 marked permanent, professional supervision for my ex-husband in what was supposed to be a final custody order. His ego couldn’t handle that, so he vanished for 15 months. We had peace and it was truly priceless. - 2014, he reemerged and wanted to exercise his first supervised visit on my 40th birthday. My children were traumatized by his grand entrance into their lives so I set a hearing with the court, begging for new orders that would allow my children time to gradually process his return. To my surprise, the court ended all contact because of how traumatized my daughters were. - 2019, we terminated parental rights. In total, my case spanned 10 years and when the court finally acknowledged that what I had been saying from the beginning was true, it came with very mixed emotions. The obvious was gratitude that we were finally free but then there’s a range of emotions to follow; anger that they didn’t listen from the beginning because if they had, my children would have been spared many years of trauma. I remember feeling disbelief, where was the apology? It wasn’t given to me in court, does the judge write me a letter? Do they deliver flowers? How can these people destroy lives and go forward like nothing happened? Then, there is the pain that comes with radical acceptance: we are just case numbers and business transactions. To this day, when I see someone post about their box of family court files heading for storage… all of the feelings come swirling back. Again I question, how can one box holds so much trauma? If you relate to this, I see you and my heart is with you. Whether you are new to this journey, or a seasoned veteran… my heart is with you and I am cheering you on. I am a firm believer that it only takes one healthy parent to create an atmosphere for children to thrive and... you are that parent. You hold so much power, even when you feel depleted by this battle. This is an isolating journey but it doesn’t have to be, together we are stronger. Tina ### OMB Legal Disclaimer: We are not qualified to give legal advice, nor should this be considered legal advice. Please consult your attorney before you implement any new strategies or communication styles. Your attorney is your voice and advocate in (and out of) the courtroom. [✨] Our next session begins on January 20, 2025 [✨] We are building an army of advocates who are dedicated to protecting children and amplifying their voices. Divorcing a narcissistic or toxic individual takes the term, “high-conflict” to a level that few can comprehend. We are committed to educating the family court system that it only takes one person to create a high conflict divorce or child custody battle. Apply today at [hcdivorcecoach.com/apply]( A testimonial that just came through today from a coach in my training program: "Tina Swithin's High Conflict Divorce Coaching Certification Program is gold. She has curated the finest experts in a whole array of topics essential to effectively coach those who are walking the tightrope of high-conflict divorces. To have all of this information in one place is a gift to potential coaches. I'm honored to be trained by the best of the best." -Denalee C. One request: Please don't [register]( unless you can commit to attending. Thank you! [Want to explore Aimee Says? Click here.]( Coming in 2024: The Narc Decoder: Volume Two --------------------------------------------------------------- Divorcing a narcissist or child custody proceedings with a narcissist can feel all-consuming, demoralizing and destabilizing. Common sense and intuition calls for personal protection and firm boundaries yet the family court system demands that survivors acquiesce to the abuser. The court system itself becomes the platform for post separation abuse and the children become pawns and weapons. In a family court system that remains untrained on important topics such as domestic abuse, post separation abuse, coercive control, and victim versus perpetrator behaviors, many survivors are portrayed in a negative light as a result of their communication style. "When I first wrote The Narc Decoder in 2016, it was a much different climate in the family court system. While family court has never been a safe place for survivors of domestic abuse, the atmosphere has become even more concerning and has reached crisis level. It is inhumane for someone to be court-ordered to coparent with their abuser however, there are some harsh realities in the family court system. Healthy, reasonable parents are commonly painted as hysterical, unhinged, "alienators" so operating from a place of strategy is a critical component to protecting one's children. Protective parents are under a high-powered microscope and must navigate accordingly. I look forward to providing an updated guide for survivors who are forced to communicate with a narcissist or other toxic individual during child custody proceedings." -Tina Swithin Interested in submitting your "crazy making" communication for possible inclusion in the new addition? [Click here to read submission examples]( and to understand the format. After you have familiarize yourself, [click here to submit](. We’d like to hear about family court professionals who are NOT acting “in the best interest” of children and survivors. Link: [www.intheirbestinterest.com]( A certified high-conflict divorce coach can help you to face situations with confidence, knowledge, and strength. If you resonate with any of the following statements, you would be helped by having a divorce coach on your team: - I am new to divorcing a narcissist (or high conflict individual) and I don’t want to make mistakes. - I am struggling with radical acceptance and/or managing my expectations. - I struggle with what (and how) to document. - I have been using gray rock communication and it’s hurting my case. - I don’t understand what matters to the court system and I feel lost. - I feel alone and no one understands – my own therapist seems baffled. - I am at odds with my attorney, and I don’t feel heard. - I am facing a custody evaluation and I don’t know how to prepare. - The judge sees me as part of the problem and I don’t know how to turn this around. Our high-conflict divorce coaches have received extensive training on post separation abuse. These coaches have been taught by leading experts around the world and they are trained to serve as strategy partners. 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A judge gave the stepdad custody anyway. Then she found the photographs]( - [One Mom's Battle by Annie Kenny: Welcome to America, the Land of the Free - Unless you are the Child of An Abuser]( - [ProPublica: Barricaded Siblings Turn to TikTok While Defying Court Order to Return to Father They Say Abused Them]( - [Page Six: Lala Kent Protesting Family Court Abuse]( - [San Francisco Public Press: Family Courts Rely on Dubious Theory to Dismiss Child Abuse Claims]( - [San Francisco Public Press: Children’s Violent Removal From Santa Cruz Home Raises Calls to End Reunification Camps]( - [Good Times Santa Cruz: Teens and Lawmakers Work to Outlaw Reunification Therapy]( [Facebook]( [Twitter]( [Link]( [Website]( [Pinterest]( [LinkedIn]( [YouTube]( Our mailing address is: One Mom's Battle/Tina Swithin P.O. Box 123 San Luis Obispo, California 93406 Want to change how you receive these emails? 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