Lemonade Wisdom 🍋 Fear is a Thief

(harness your power) Hello Warrior Mommas – I remember being completely consumed by fear. I was overwhelmed by the unknowns. I was drowning in fear. It was two steps forward, three steps backwards. Progress and victories were celebrated but often short-lived. I would find a glimmer of hope, only to have it dashed right before my eyes. I was in survival mode – looking back, it felt like a blur… and it was. I remember the two thoughts I had on auto loop: - “It shouldn’t be this hard to protect children.” - “I just want peace.” I wanted to protect my daughters, and I wanted peace. I craved it. I was desperate for it…but it felt so far out of reach. Up until my marriage ended, my mothering abilities and motherly instincts had been praised. Now, it felt like these things were being weaponized against me. Admonished for wanting to keep my children safe – how is this a bad thing? I felt like I was in the twilight zone or upside down world. There were so many things out of my control and the most painful one was my inability to protect my daughters. It felt as though the family court system took guardianship of my daughters on the day we filed for divorce. Nature intended for me to protect my children yet suddenly, my hands were tied behind my back by a system that was threatening to destroy me. Protect them “too much” and they would take them from me. One of my biggest fears was that my children would be irreparably harmed by the things they were subjected to: - I remember them coming home and telling me that their father and his family called me, T-Rex and said “bad things” about me. - I remember my little girl choking back tears as she described the enlarged wedding photo of her father and I, that had been positioned on the fireplace mantle. Her father and his brother had used large strips of blue tape to cover up my portion of the photo. They proudly displayed it despite the emotional damage it was doing to my daughters. They didn’t even deny it: they admitted it. My ex-mother-in-law proudly proclaimed that she was the one that ordered them to take it down as if she were a hero. You can read my recent blog, "[I am not just fighting one narcissist -I am up against the entire family](." If you can relate, I hear your battlecry. - I remember driving my little girl to the police station after her father had physically assaulted her, leaving a red mark on her arm. She described running from him and trying to lock herself in a bathroom, but he overpowered her and entered. He and his mother sat her down and forced her to make a list of all of the positive things that had happened that weekend. They promised her a dance party if she complied and my heart broke when she said, “Momma, they lied. We didn’t get to have a dance party.” - I remember watching the lights dim in my daughters’ eyes – and the regression. The baby talk after his parenting time, bedwetting and accidents which were not typical of my daughters. I remember it taking 48 to 72 hours to find normalcy after they returned from his house, only to repeat the same cycle again days later. It was a never-ending hell. What I didn’t recognize at the time, was that I had so much power in those moments…even when I felt powerless. I remember trying to keep a brave face while they were awake and then crying myself to sleep at night. I felt like a failure as a mother. I was not fully present because I was consumed by fear - constantly on the, "what if path." Over and over again, fear stole my power. If I could go back in time, I would bottle up that fear and light it on fire. That fire would burn brightly, and it would light my path allowing me to walk in my authentic truth. What I would say to myself if I could go backwards 15 years ago: - Be fully present. - Be silly and play. - Vacuuming can wait, go swing on the swings and slide down the slide. - Make sure the girls know that their voices are the most important voices in your world. Last night I was walking with my youngest daughter on the beach. She will turn 18 -years-old in the spring. Every 20 feet, she would stop and save some type of creature; sand dollars that were still alive, clams that had washed up, and a bumblebee that was soaked and struggling. She carried that bumblebee delicately all the way down the beach until we found brush and flowers, where she laid it down gently. She is kind, fierce in her own quiet way and the most empathetic human I've ever know. She has been through a lot, things I wouldn't wish on anyone but I've raised an amazing young lady. If these kids are our future, we are in good hands. We beat the odds, we've had our challenges and our ups and downs during the healing process but we continue to heal and I will no longer let fear rob me of joy...or time. What I know to be true: children need one healthy parent. One. Healthy. Parent. You are that parent, and I believe in you. Whether you are new to this journey, or a seasoned veteran… my heart is with you and I am cheering you on. I am a firm believer that it only takes one healthy parent to create an atmosphere for children to thrive and... you are that parent. You hold so much power, even when you feel depleted by this battle. This is an isolating journey but it doesn’t have to be, together we are stronger. Tina ### OMB Legal Disclaimer: We are not qualified to give legal advice, nor should this be considered legal advice. Please consult your attorney before you implement any new strategies or communication styles. Your attorney is your voice and advocate in (and out of) the courtroom. [✨] Our next session begins on January 20, 2025 [✨] We are building an army of advocates who are dedicated to protecting children and amplifying their voices. Divorcing a narcissistic or toxic individual takes the term, “high-conflict” to a level that few can comprehend. We are committed to educating the family court system that it only takes one person to create a high conflict divorce or child custody battle. Apply today at [hcdivorcecoach.com/apply]( One request: Please don't [register]( unless you can commit to attending. Thank you! [Want to explore Aimee Says? Click here.]( Coming in 2024: The Narc Decoder: Volume Two --------------------------------------------------------------- Divorcing a narcissist or child custody proceedings with a narcissist can feel all-consuming, demoralizing and destabilizing. Common sense and intuition calls for personal protection and firm boundaries yet the family court system demands that survivors acquiesce to the abuser. The court system itself becomes the platform for post separation abuse and the children become pawns and weapons. In a family court system that remains untrained on important topics such as domestic abuse, post separation abuse, coercive control, and victim versus perpetrator behaviors, many survivors are portrayed in a negative light as a result of their communication style. "When I first wrote The Narc Decoder in 2016, it was a much different climate in the family court system. While family court has never been a safe place for survivors of domestic abuse, the atmosphere has become even more concerning and has reached crisis level. It is inhumane for someone to be court-ordered to coparent with their abuser however, there are some harsh realities in the family court system. Healthy, reasonable parents are commonly painted as hysterical, unhinged, "alienators" so operating from a place of strategy is a critical component to protecting one's children. Protective parents are under a high-powered microscope and must navigate accordingly. I look forward to providing an updated guide for survivors who are forced to communicate with a narcissist or other toxic individual during child custody proceedings." -Tina Swithin Interested in submitting your "crazy making" communication for possible inclusion in the new addition? [Click here to read submission examples]( and to understand the format. After you have familiarize yourself, [click here to submit](. We’d like to hear about family court professionals who are NOT acting “in the best interest” of children and survivors. Link: [www.intheirbestinterest.com]( A certified high-conflict divorce coach can help you to face situations with confidence, knowledge, and strength. If you resonate with any of the following statements, you would be helped by having a divorce coach on your team: - I am new to divorcing a narcissist (or high conflict individual) and I don’t want to make mistakes. - I am struggling with radical acceptance and/or managing my expectations. - I struggle with what (and how) to document. - I have been using gray rock communication and it’s hurting my case. - I don’t understand what matters to the court system and I feel lost. - I feel alone and no one understands – my own therapist seems baffled. - I am at odds with my attorney, and I don’t feel heard. - I am facing a custody evaluation and I don’t know how to prepare. - The judge sees me as part of the problem and I don’t know how to turn this around. Our high-conflict divorce coaches have received extensive training on post separation abuse. These coaches have been taught by leading experts around the world and they are trained to serve as strategy partners. Check our referral database at www.hcdivorcecoach.com/coach - [A Court-Ordered Therapy That Separates Kids From a Parent They Love Stirs a Backlash]( [Mother Jailed After Refusing To Let Sons Attend Therapy With Father Who’s Accused Of Sexual Assault]( - [How a former Aurora cop charged with raping his daughter led to his ex-wife being jailed for opposing court-ordered therapy]( - [REP. FROELICH SPEAKS AT RALLY TO PROTECT CHILDREN, ENCOURAGE FAMILY COURT REFORM]( - ['I want them to know I'm coming to help': Phoenix father's custody case challenges 'pseudo-theory']( - [Senate Republicans Protect Arizona Children from the Horrors of Reunification Camps with SB 1372 Signed into Law]( - [AZ lawmakers move to ban ‘reunification’ treatment in child custody cases]( - [Domestic violence victims and advocates press for family court system reform]( - [The incredible tale of one mom's successful battle to be free from her narcissistic ex-husband]( - [Gains in the movement to end most pervasive violence in the world - North Dallas Gazette]( - [ABC7: Piqui's Law - named for South Pasadena boy murdered by his father - heading to Newsom's desk]( - [Insider: California legislature passes bill aiming to protect children from abusers during custody disputes]( - [Roundtable: Violence, Criminality, and Human Rights Violations in the Family Courts with Dr. Bandy Lee]( - Survivor Squad Podcast: [Part I: Money, Manipulation & Mayhem w/ Tina Swithin]( - Survivor Squad Podcast: [Part II: Money, Manipulation & Mayhem w/ Tina Swithin]( - [Toxic: The Podcast: Episode 75: Not the Fun Kind of Camp—Family Reunification Camps, aka, Legalized Kidnappings, Are Disturbing as Hell]( - [Your Divorce Survival Guide: Exposing Parental Alienation in Family Courts with Grant Wyeth]( - [What Came Next Podcast]( - [Ms. Magazine: Remembering Catherine Kassenoff and Continuing the Fight for Fair U.S. Child Custody Outcomes]( - [What You Need to Know About Reunification Therapy (Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast)]( - [Here's the Truth About Reunification Camps (Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast)]( - [Nightline: Lala Kent and Tina Swithin]( - [Navigating Narcissism: Dr. Ramani and Tina Swithin]( - [Insider: Her son said his stepdad was sexually abusive. A judge gave the stepdad custody anyway. Then she found the photographs]( - [One Mom's Battle by Annie Kenny: Welcome to America, the Land of the Free - Unless you are the Child of An Abuser]( - [ProPublica: Barricaded Siblings Turn to TikTok While Defying Court Order to Return to Father They Say Abused Them]( - [Page Six: Lala Kent Protesting Family Court Abuse]( - [San Francisco Public Press: Family Courts Rely on Dubious Theory to Dismiss Child Abuse Claims]( - [San Francisco Public Press: Children’s Violent Removal From Santa Cruz Home Raises Calls to End Reunification Camps]( - [Good Times Santa Cruz: Teens and Lawmakers Work to Outlaw Reunification Therapy]( [Facebook]( [Twitter]( [Link]( [Website]( [Pinterest]( [LinkedIn]( [YouTube]( Our mailing address is: One Mom's Battle/Tina Swithin P.O. Box 123 San Luis Obispo, California 93406 Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [unsubscribe from this list]( or [update your preferences]( Copyright © 2024 One Mom's Battle, LLC, All rights reserved