Lemonade Wisdom 🍋 Child Custody Exchanges

(let's make them safer) Hello Warrior Mommas – Does anyone else feel emotions ranging from baffled to furious as our cities and counties invest in [safe locations for people to exchange items]( they are buying or selling on Facebook or Craigslist? Where is the protection for mothers who are forced to exchange their children with dangerous individuals? I want to emphasize the obvious: we should never be forced to turn our children over to dangerous individuals. Period. With that said, radical acceptance places me in the here and now, knowing the reality of our court system. It's not broken, it's working the way it was designed. Children are treated like property and brave survivors are met with a painful bias that is rampant amongst family court professionals and sometimes, even our own attorneys: "You married (or chose to have children with) him/her." In honor of Family Court Awareness Month which is right around the corner (November), I have an easy call to action that we can all implement in our own communities. I recently sent my local Sheriff an email detailing the dangers that many of us face during court ordered child custody exchanges. I was met with the usual, "we encourage people to exchange at our local police stations." I refused to accept that as an answer and I drafted a new letter providing more details. If you are interested in starting this conversation in your own community, here is a template you can cut, paste and edit for your local police chiefs and sheriff: Dear Sheriff Parkinson, I am writing to bring attention to an important issue in San Luis Obispo County: the safety of mothers and children during child custody exchanges. The necessity of such measures is underscored by a tragic incident in Florida where a mother was murdered during a custody exchange. Cassie Carli agreed to a last minute custody exchange for her four-year-old daughter which took place in a restaurant parking lot. Her body was later found buried in a shallow grave in a neighboring state and her ex-boyfriend has been indicted on kidnapping and abuse of a corpse charges. In her honor, [legislation has been passed in Florida]( ensure that child custody exchanges are safer for mothers and children. This heartbreaking event highlights the need for proactive measures. A simple Google search will result in countless, horrifying stories: - [Murder case shines light on custody exchange safety]( - [Garner woman killed during custody exchange of sister's child; Child's father charged with murder]( - [Family remembers Pierce County mother who was murdered during child custody exchange]( - [Father found dead after mother shot and killed during child custody exchange]( As an advocate for family court reform, I have personally attended countless custody exchanges with mothers who are fearful of their abusive ex-husbands. In several of these situations, I was afraid for my personal safety. I can say with certainty that it's not a matter of “if” someone in our county is going to be seriously injured or murdered; it's a matter of "when.” I recognize that police and sheriff's stations are often utilized as safe places for child custody exchanges to occur however, judges are reluctant to mandate that custody exchanges occur at police stations. The concern is that such orders could impart to the children a perception that one parent is inherently unsafe. In many cases, there is speculation that the parent may be unsafe but the burden of proof has not yet been met. This cautious approach fails to acknowledge the harsh reality that, in many cases, there are genuine safety concerns. We have safe locations set up across the country for Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace and we need to start prioritizing the most vulnerable members of society; women and children. I propose establishing designated child custody exchange locations throughout our county. These designated locations would provide a neutral and secure environment for child custody exchanges, significantly reducing the risk of conflict and harm. If cost is a concern, I am happy to assist with fundraising efforts and I am also willing to elevate this issue to the County Board of Supervisors with the hope that funds can be allocated for this important cause. It is my goal to work with you to ensure that child safety is prioritized in every city in San Luis Obispo County. By setting up these safe exchange locations, we have the opportunity to prevent a tragedy in our community. Thank you for your time - I look forward to working together to create a safer environment for child custody exchanges in San Luis Obispo County. Sincerely, Tina Swithin ### Feel free to cc media outlets and journalists in your community for additional exposure on this crisis. Is this going to solve all of our problems, absolutely not but we have to hit it from all angles. When we have resources being allocated to protect people purchasing couches and other material items, yet mothers are in danger… we need to get loud and demand better. Whether you are new to this journey, or a seasoned veteran… my heart is with you and I am cheering you on. I am a firm believer that it only takes one healthy parent to create an atmosphere for children to thrive and... you are that parent. You hold so much power, even when you feel depleted by this battle. This is an isolating journey but it doesn’t have to be, together we are stronger. Tina ### OMB Legal Disclaimer: We are not qualified to give legal advice, nor should this be considered legal advice. Please consult your attorney before you implement any new strategies or communication styles. Your attorney is your voice and advocate in (and out of) the courtroom. [✨] ONE SPACE LEFT FOR OUR AUGUST PROGRAM - starts on August 19! [✨] A High Conflict Divorce Coach (HCDC) becomes a strategy partner for their client, getting into the trenches and assuming position as a trusted team member. A HCDC maintains strong boundaries, not crossing into attorney territory (legal advice) or therapeutic territory (mental health). The services and support of a HCDC compliments the work of family law attorneys and mental health providers. The HCDC holds a unique lens, helping their clients to see things from a variety of angles and perspectives so they are fully educated on the process. The HCDC guides the client to operate from a place of strategy versus emotion. Apply today at [hcdivorcecoach.com/apply]( Coming in 2024: The Narc Decoder: Volume Two --------------------------------------------------------------- Divorcing a narcissist or child custody proceedings with a narcissist can feel all-consuming, demoralizing and destabilizing. Common sense and intuition calls for personal protection and firm boundaries yet the family court system demands that survivors acquiesce to the abuser. The court system itself becomes the platform for post separation abuse and the children become pawns and weapons. In a family court system that remains untrained on important topics such as domestic abuse, post separation abuse, coercive control, and victim versus perpetrator behaviors, many survivors are portrayed in a negative light as a result of their communication style. "When I first wrote The Narc Decoder in 2016, it was a much different climate in the family court system. While family court has never been a safe place for survivors of domestic abuse, the atmosphere has become even more concerning and has reached crisis level. It is inhumane for someone to be court-ordered to coparent with their abuser however, there are some harsh realities in the family court system. Healthy, reasonable parents are commonly painted as hysterical, unhinged, "alienators" so operating from a place of strategy is a critical component to protecting one's children. Protective parents are under a high-powered microscope and must navigate accordingly. I look forward to providing an updated guide for survivors who are forced to communicate with a narcissist or other toxic individual during child custody proceedings." -Tina Swithin Interested in submitting your "crazy making" communication for possible inclusion in the new addition? [Click here to read submission examples]( and to understand the format. After you have familiarize yourself, [click here to submit](. We’d like to hear about family court professionals who are NOT acting “in the best interest” of children and survivors. Link: [www.intheirbestinterest.com]( A certified high-conflict divorce coach can help you to face situations with confidence, knowledge, and strength. If you resonate with any of the following statements, you would be helped by having a divorce coach on your team: - I am new to divorcing a narcissist (or high conflict individual) and I don’t want to make mistakes. - I am struggling with radical acceptance and/or managing my expectations. - I struggle with what (and how) to document. - I have been using gray rock communication and it’s hurting my case. - I don’t understand what matters to the court system and I feel lost. - I feel alone and no one understands – my own therapist seems baffled. - I am at odds with my attorney, and I don’t feel heard. - I am facing a custody evaluation and I don’t know how to prepare. - The judge sees me as part of the problem and I don’t know how to turn this around. Our high-conflict divorce coaches have received extensive training on post separation abuse. These coaches have been taught by leading experts around the world and they are trained to serve as strategy partners. Check our referral database at [www.hcdivorcecoach.com/coach]( - ['I want them to know I'm coming to help': Phoenix father's custody case challenges 'pseudo-theory']( - [Senate Republicans Protect Arizona Children from the Horrors of Reunification Camps with SB 1372 Signed into Law]( - [AZ lawmakers move to ban ‘reunification’ treatment in child custody cases]( - [Domestic violence victims and advocates press for family court system reform]( - [The incredible tale of one mom's successful battle to be free from her narcissistic ex-husband]( - [Gains in the movement to end most pervasive violence in the world - North Dallas Gazette]( - [ABC7: Piqui's Law - named for South Pasadena boy murdered by his father - heading to Newsom's desk]( - [Insider: California legislature passes bill aiming to protect children from abusers during custody disputes]( - [Roundtable: Violence, Criminality, and Human Rights Violations in the Family Courts with Dr. Bandy Lee]( - Survivor Squad Podcast: [Part I: Money, Manipulation & Mayhem w/ Tina Swithin]( - Survivor Squad Podcast: [Part II: Money, Manipulation & Mayhem w/ Tina Swithin]( - [Toxic: The Podcast: Episode 75: Not the Fun Kind of Camp—Family Reunification Camps, aka, Legalized Kidnappings, Are Disturbing as Hell]( - [Your Divorce Survival Guide: Exposing Parental Alienation in Family Courts with Grant Wyeth]( - [What Came Next Podcast]( - [Ms. Magazine: Remembering Catherine Kassenoff and Continuing the Fight for Fair U.S. Child Custody Outcomes]( - [What You Need to Know About Reunification Therapy (Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast)]( - [Here's the Truth About Reunification Camps (Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast)]( - [Nightline: Lala Kent and Tina Swithin]( - [Navigating Narcissism: Dr. Ramani and Tina Swithin]( - [Insider: Her son said his stepdad was sexually abusive. 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