Lemonade Wisdom 🍋 Coparenting with a Narcissist: Summer

(it's hell) Hello Warrior Mommas – It's summertime and I've been hearing from quite a few of you. To summarize: it's hell. It is a roller coaster leading up to the summer months - you've got the typical 'end of school year' hustle, but then you have the narcissist spiraling because summer marks a change in the schedule and routine. Summertime provides endless gray areas and opportunities for them to wreak havoc. Many of them get more time and they are on a high; not because they are looking forward to spending quality time with your precious kiddos, but because they know it's going to hurt you. They also are incapable of caretaking for children so it is a stressor for them although they never admit it. Maybe they won't even be doing the caretaking, they get a high from knowing that the kids will be with their mom's or their girlfriends over you. Regardless of the scenario, what we know is that it's all a high for them. I came across a picture yesterday- it was about 10 years ago and we had attended a concert at a local park. It was at the height of my custody battle and I was on edge, constantly at the receiving end of his insanity, accusations and terrorism. The picture was from a night in July 2012, my daughters were playing with a hula hoop and dancing at the stage, running around and having a great time. My youngest daughter took a spill and ended up with the nastiest black eye. When I saw the picture, I flashed back to that moment in time. Normal childhood things that become weaponized against us. As I scrambled for an ice pack and nursed her wounds, all I could think about was how it would be used against me. I could predict the accusations: I was negligent, he would accuse me of being drunk at a concert and not watching our daughters. Would result in a CPS call? Complete panic over a normal childhood injury. As a result of all of these things, our bodies are in constant fight or flight mode. It's not sustainable for very long. Where we are at right now is a low point of the roller coaster, all of the anticipation and stress leading up to summer and now it's unfolding one week at a time. Sometimes it feels like it's in slow motion and we are walking in molasses… often we just want to press fast forward so we stay busy to distract ourselves. Other times, the weight of this becomes too much and we retreat… maybe under the covers with ice cream. I encourage you to listen to what your body needs, and use this time to press reset and fill your tank. Maybe this weekend you can do a craft project or a do it yourself project you saw on TikTok? Maybe you sit outside and enjoy the little things like hummingbirds or a squirrel playing nearby. I know for me, it's truly the little things that refill my cup. Whether you are new to this journey, or a seasoned veteran… my heart is with you and I am cheering you on. We are halfway through summer, you've got this. I am a firm believer that it only takes one healthy parent to create an atmosphere for children to thrive and... you are that parent. You hold so much power, even when you feel depleted by this battle. This is an isolating journey but it doesn’t have to be, together we are stronger. Tina ### OMB Legal Disclaimer: We are not qualified to give legal advice, nor should this be considered legal advice. Please consult your attorney before you implement any new strategies or communication styles. Your attorney is your voice and advocate in (and out of) the courtroom. Coming in 2024: The Narc Decoder: Volume Two --------------------------------------------------------------- Divorcing a narcissist or child custody proceedings with a narcissist can feel all-consuming, demoralizing and destabilizing. Common sense and intuition calls for personal protection and firm boundaries yet the family court system demands that survivors acquiesce to the abuser. The court system itself becomes the platform for post separation abuse and the children become pawns and weapons. In a family court system that remains untrained on important topics such as domestic abuse, post separation abuse, coercive control, and victim versus perpetrator behaviors, many survivors are portrayed in a negative light as a result of their communication style. "When I first wrote The Narc Decoder in 2016, it was a much different climate in the family court system. While family court has never been a safe place for survivors of domestic abuse, the atmosphere has become even more concerning and has reached crisis level. It is inhumane for someone to be court-ordered to coparent with their abuser however, there are some harsh realities in the family court system. Healthy, reasonable parents are commonly painted as hysterical, unhinged, "alienators" so operating from a place of strategy is a critical component to protecting one's children. Protective parents are under a high-powered microscope and must navigate accordingly. I look forward to providing an updated guide for survivors who are forced to communicate with a narcissist or other toxic individual during child custody proceedings." -Tina Swithin Interested in submitting your "crazy making" communication for possible inclusion in the new addition? [Click here to read submission examples]( and to understand the format. After you have familiarize yourself, [click here to submit](. We’d like to hear about family court professionals who are NOT acting “in the best interest” of children and survivors. Link: [www.intheirbestinterest.com]( [✨] WE HAVE ONLY 5 SPACES LEFT FOR OUR AUGUST PROGRAM! [✨] A High Conflict Divorce Coach (HCDC) becomes a strategy partner for their client, getting into the trenches and assuming position as a trusted team member. A HCDC maintains strong boundaries, not crossing into attorney territory (legal advice) or therapeutic territory (mental health). The services and support of a HCDC compliments the work of family law attorneys and mental health providers. The HCDC holds a unique lens, helping their clients to see things from a variety of angles and perspectives so they are fully educated on the process. The HCDC guides the client to operate from a place of strategy versus emotion. Apply today at [hcdivorcecoach.com/apply]( A certified high-conflict divorce coach can help you to face situations with confidence, knowledge, and strength. If you resonate with any of the following statements, you would be helped by having a divorce coach on your team: - I am new to divorcing a narcissist (or high conflict individual) and I don’t want to make mistakes. - I am struggling with radical acceptance and/or managing my expectations. - I struggle with what (and how) to document. - I have been using gray rock communication and it’s hurting my case. - I don’t understand what matters to the court system and I feel lost. - I feel alone and no one understands – my own therapist seems baffled. - I am at odds with my attorney, and I don’t feel heard. - I am facing a custody evaluation and I don’t know how to prepare. - The judge sees me as part of the problem and I don’t know how to turn this around. Our high-conflict divorce coaches have received extensive training on post separation abuse. These coaches have been taught by leading experts around the world and they are trained to serve as strategy partners. 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A judge gave the stepdad custody anyway. Then she found the photographs]( - [One Mom's Battle by Annie Kenny: Welcome to America, the Land of the Free - Unless you are the Child of An Abuser]( - [ProPublica: Barricaded Siblings Turn to TikTok While Defying Court Order to Return to Father They Say Abused Them]( - [Page Six: Lala Kent Protesting Family Court Abuse]( - [San Francisco Public Press: Family Courts Rely on Dubious Theory to Dismiss Child Abuse Claims]( - [San Francisco Public Press: Children’s Violent Removal From Santa Cruz Home Raises Calls to End Reunification Camps]( - [Good Times Santa Cruz: Teens and Lawmakers Work to Outlaw Reunification Therapy]( [Facebook]( [Twitter]( [Link]( [Website]( [Pinterest]( [LinkedIn]( [YouTube]( Our mailing address is: One Mom's Battle/Tina Swithin P.O. Box 123 San Luis Obispo, California 93406 Want to change how you receive these emails? 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