Late Night Jokes: Yak Is Wack

Late Night Jokes of the Week The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon - The White House invited reporters to bring their kids with them this morning for Take Your Kids to Work Day. Or as Trump calls it, every day. - It was really sweet. Trump asked the kids what they want to be when they grew up, and then they asked Trump what he wants to be when he grows up. - There’s a lot going on in Washington right now — Trump is working on a new budget, tax reform, healthcare, trade. So to make sure he doesn’t forget anything he actually likes to set reminders on his phone. For example, he has this one reminder that says, “Play Tetris to practice building the wall.” - His next reminder says, “Have assistant finish New York Times crossword puzzle. Leave on desk so people think I did it.” Next one reminds him to “Find out if tax plan is available as book on tape.” Just read it, just read the thing! - Next one says, “South Korea = good, North Korea = bad.” Remember that! And finally his last reminder says, “3:00 A.M. — TWEET!” 3 a.m. ... the perfect time. - Trump appeared with Education Secretary Betsy DeVos yesterday. Trump had three words for Betsy: “Really exceptional job.” Betsy said, “I have three words for you: Thank you.” - President Trump has abandoned his plan for the U.S. to withdraw from NAFTA even though it was a key issue during the campaign. I guess he wants to focus on a different NAFTA called North Americans for Twitter Attacks. - United Airlines fell by 66 percent in an annual survey of passengers’ favorite airlines, down to just 3.3 percent. Although, that means that 3.3 percent of travelers saw a man get dragged off a plane and thought, “This is my favorite airline.” - Federal agents just seized 300 pounds of yak meat that was illegally smuggled into JFK airport. And yet somehow JFK still smells less like yak meat than LaGuardia. - Speaking of yak meat, Taco Bell is in the news. They’re going to start selling beer, wine and margaritas at their locations in Canada. Between that, healthcare and legal weed, Canada is so popular, they’re thinking about building a wall. [Prayer Strengthens the Brain and Helps Fight Dementia]( --------------------------------------------------------------- The Late Late Show With James Corden - In case you weren’t aware, today was Take Your Child to Work Day. It’s a great way to see why Mommy and Daddy drink so much. Although at the White House, every day is take Your Child to Work Day, for your children and your son-in-law. - After alluding to a big tax reform announcement earlier this week, the White House finally released their tax plan and it was only a one-page-long document with very little information. It was a one-page memo — even Rachel Maddow was like, “This is a huge disappointment.” - The White House promised a big announcement. But keep in mind, even a one-page document looks very big in Donald Trump’s tiny hands. - After a month of very bad PR, United Airlines is offering up to $10,000 to passengers on overbooked flights. But you know another thing they could do? Stop selling more tickets than there are seats on the plane! Just don’t do that! - United is not the only one kicking people off planes. It was reported yesterday that a Delta Airlines passenger was removed for using the rest room while the plane was taxiing to the runway. I know, it’s shocking. Spirit Airlines were like, “Wait, Delta has bathrooms?” - A man in South Dakota is facing obstruction charges after ignoring orders from firefighters and running back into a burning building — twice — to save his beer. Even worse, both times he went back in, he ran right past his wife. ALERT: [These 5 Things Activate Cancer in Your Body]( --------------------------------------------------------------- Late Night With Seth Meyers - According to a new CNN poll, 44 percent of Americans approve of the job President Trump is doing as he approaches his 100th day in office. While the other 56 percent said, “It’s only been 100 days?!” - According to a new report, German Chancellor Angela Merkel was recently forced to explain to President Trump 11 times how trade works with European countries. She started to lose it around “nein.” - A third-grade class in New Jersey recently found a boa constrictor in the back of their classroom. Even scarier, they DIND’T find Billy. - A campaign in the U.K. is encouraging parents to teach their children the accurate words for their genitals from a young age. Of course in the U.K., genitals are called “crisps.” [Reverse Type 2 Diabetes, New Strategies Show How]( --------------------------------------------------------------- You received this Late Night Jokes email because you subscribed to it or someone forwarded it to you. Click here to [unsubscribe]( from our list. We respect your right to privacy. [View our policy](. This email was sent by: Reagan Reports for America 1501 Northpoint Parkway, Suite 104 West Palm Beach, FL 33407 USA