Opinion Today: What “vex money” does to love

“Marriage is a worthy ideal to aspire to, but a truly wise woman doesn’t count on it.” [View in browser](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRk1jC9P4QoAWh0dHBzOi8vbWVzc2FnaW5nLWN1c3RvbS1uZXdzbGV0dGVycy5ueXRpbWVzLmNvbS90ZW1wbGF0ZS9vYWt2Mj9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD0zOSZlbWM9ZWRpdF90eV8yMDIyMDgxMCZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD02ODkyNSZubD1vcGluaW9uLXRvZGF5JnByb2R1Y3RDb2RlPVRZJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xMDA5NjMmdGU9MSZ1cmk9bnl0JTNBJTJGJTJGbmV3c2xldHRlciUyRjNjODJkZWY0LWIxYWUtNTI0Ny05NGNkLTRiYzJhZDBiZmRmMCZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmLqvavzYqDDBKRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~)|[nytimes.com](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRk1jC9P0SwaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjIwODEwJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTY4OTI1Jm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEwMDk2MyZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKYuq9q_NioMMEpFIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA)[Continue reading the main story](#a11y-skip-ad-marquee) ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRk1jC9P0RtaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9MTYyMTM5JmxpPVRZJm09YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcD1UWV8yMDIyMDgxMFcDbnl0Qgpi6r2r82KgwwSkUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~ [Read more from Opinion](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRk1jC9P0S_aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vc2VjdGlvbi9vcGluaW9uP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjIwODEwJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTY4OTI1Jm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEwMDk2MyZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKYuq9q_NioMMEpFIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) August 10, 2022 [Author Headshot] By Rachel Poser Sunday Opinion Editor The ’90s TV show “In Living Color” had a recurring sketch called “Hey Mon” featuring the Hedleys, the “hardest-working West Indian family.” Mr. and Mrs. Hedley were Caribbean immigrants determined to achieve the American dream — and judgmental of anyone whose work ethic was not up to their standards. In one [episode](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRk1jC9P0TDaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cueW91dHViZS5jb20vd2F0Y2g_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMjA4MTAmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9Njg5MjUmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTAwOTYzJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkNyZ2PVY2d3RqMDRkSl9nVwNueXRCCmLqvavzYqDDBKRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~), Mr. Hedley comes home from work and starts removing his layers of uniforms like a Russian doll. “When I was your age,” he tells his “lazy” son, “I was a maintenance man, a carpenter, a cabdriver, a cook, a hospital orderly, a security guard, a tour guide, a fish cleaner, and an Amway distributor — all in the same day.” Naomi Jackson, a novelist whose parents came to the United States from Antigua and Barbados, sent me a YouTube clip of a “Hey Mon” sketch when I proposed that she write about her childhood for [Fortunes](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRk1jC9P0TTaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vc2VyaWVzL2ZvcnR1bmVzLXBzeWNob2xvZ3ktb2YtY2xhc3M_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9MzkmZW1jPWVkaXRfdHlfMjAyMjA4MTAmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9Njg5MjUmbmw9b3Bpbmlvbi10b2RheSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTAwOTYzJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0Qgpi6r2r82KgwwSkUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~), Times Opinion’s new series on the psychology of class. Jackson grew up in a West Indian community in Brooklyn like the one lovingly parodied in “Hey Mon” — a striving immigrant enclave where, she says, her family, friends and neighbors believed in the “gospels of education and hard work.” Financial independence was prized, especially for girls, who were taught never to rely on a boyfriend or husband. [In Jackson’s essay, published today](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRk1jC9P0TmaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8wOC8xMC9vcGluaW9uL3ZleC1tb25leS1hZnJvLWNhcmliYmVhbi13b21lbi5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjIwODEwJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTY4OTI1Jm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEwMDk2MyZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKYuq9q_NioMMEpFIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA), she writes that the “self-sufficiency of West Indian women and their suspicion of others, particularly men, are bound up together.” As a child, she was warned that men could leave her, hurt her, squander her hard-earned money. Many of the women in her community kept a stash of “vex money,” secret savings that were to be spent only in case of emergency brought upon by a once stable romantic situation “suddenly becoming vexed.” Jackson reflects on how these dueling messages of empowerment and danger combined to shape her as a person and as a romantic partner. [Read the full essay here](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRk1jC9P0TmaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8wOC8xMC9vcGluaW9uL3ZleC1tb25leS1hZnJvLWNhcmliYmVhbi13b21lbi5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjIwODEwJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTY4OTI1Jm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEwMDk2MyZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKYuq9q_NioMMEpFIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA). [[Article Image] Antoine Cossé](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRk1jC9P0TmaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8wOC8xMC9vcGluaW9uL3ZleC1tb25leS1hZnJvLWNhcmliYmVhbi13b21lbi5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjIwODEwJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTY4OTI1Jm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEwMDk2MyZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKYuq9q_NioMMEpFIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [Guest Essay What Does ‘Vex Money’ Do to Love? Black women and girls must protect ourselves. Still, I wish I could relax into the plush comfort of a relationship. By Naomi Jackson](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRk1jC9P0TmaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8wOC8xMC9vcGluaW9uL3ZleC1tb25leS1hZnJvLWNhcmliYmVhbi13b21lbi5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTM5JmVtYz1lZGl0X3R5XzIwMjIwODEwJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTY4OTI1Jm5sPW9waW5pb24tdG9kYXkmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTEwMDk2MyZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKYuq9q_NioMMEpFIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [Continue reading the main story](#a11y-skip-universal-0) ADVERTISEMENT ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRk1jC9P0RsaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9NTk3ODUmbGk9VFkmbT1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkNyZwPVRZXzIwMjIwODEwVwNueXRCCmLqvavzYqDDBKRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~ Here’s what we’re focusing on today: Editors’ Picks [Guest Essay Science Is Still in a Race Against the Coronavirus Human ingenuity must keep up with the coronavirus. 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