Can We Stay Friends 
With Someone Who Betrayed His Pregnant Partner?

What is the ethical response? [View in browser](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP4QqAWh0dHBzOi8vbWVzc2FnaW5nLWN1c3RvbS1uZXdzbGV0dGVycy5ueXRpbWVzLmNvbS90ZW1wbGF0ZS9vYWt2Mj91cmk9bnl0Oi8vbmV3c2xldHRlci81YmE4YTkxNS05ZmQ5LTQxMTItODdiYy0xMWZkNzVjZTQ0MDUmdGU9MSZubD10aGUtbmV3IHlvcmsgdGltZXMgbWFnYXppbmUmZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMDAxMTk_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTUzMTAmc2VnbWVudF9pZD0yMDQ2NCZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTJfbWFfMjAyMDAxMTlXA255dEIKAB7xSyRe0zNKN1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA)|[nytimes.com](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0TFaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vP3RlPTEmbmw9dGhlLW5ldyB5b3JrIHRpbWVzIG1hZ2F6aW5lJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjAwMTE5P2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTE1MzEwJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MjA0NjQmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkNyZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyMjAyMDAxMTlXA255dEIKAB7xSyRe0zNKN1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA)[Continue reading the main story](#a11y-skip-ad-marquee) ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0RtaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9MTYxOTY2JmxpPU1BJm09YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcD1NQV8yMDIwMDExOVcDbnl0QgoAHvFLJF7TM0o3Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~ [The New York Times Magazine](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0TVaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vc2VjdGlvbi9tYWdhemluZT90ZT0xJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcgeW9yayB0aW1lcyBtYWdhemluZSZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIwMDExOT9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xNTMxMCZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTIwNDY0JnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MjIwMjAwMTE5VwNueXRCCgAe8UskXtMzSjdSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) January 19, 2020 THE ETHICIST ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP4QgAWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3Lm55dGltZXMuY29tLzIwMjAvMDEvMTQvbWFnYXppbmUvY2FuLXdlLXN0YXktZnJpZW5kcy13aXRoLXNvbWVvbmUtd2hvLWJldHJheWVkLWhpcy1wcmVnbmFudC1wYXJ0bmVyLmh0bWw_dGU9MSZubD10aGUtbmV3IHlvcmsgdGltZXMgbWFnYXppbmUmZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMDAxMTk_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTUzMTAmc2VnbWVudF9pZD0yMDQ2NCZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTIyMDIwMDExOVcDbnl0QgoAHvFLJF7TM0o3Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~ [Article Image] Illustration by Tomi Um   [The Ethicist Can We Stay Friends 
With Someone Who Betrayed His Pregnant Partner? The magazine’s Ethicist columnist on what to do when a friend dumps his partner after their baby is born and more. By Kwame Anthony Appiah](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP4QgAWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3Lm55dGltZXMuY29tLzIwMjAvMDEvMTQvbWFnYXppbmUvY2FuLXdlLXN0YXktZnJpZW5kcy13aXRoLXNvbWVvbmUtd2hvLWJldHJheWVkLWhpcy1wcmVnbmFudC1wYXJ0bmVyLmh0bWw_dGU9MSZubD10aGUtbmV3IHlvcmsgdGltZXMgbWFnYXppbmUmZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMDAxMTk_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTUzMTAmc2VnbWVudF9pZD0yMDQ2NCZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTIyMDIwMDExOVcDbnl0QgoAHvFLJF7TM0o3Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) My husband and I recently learned that friends of ours — let’s call them Tim and Jane — are separating. They have a baby and had a child who died several years ago, in a sudden and devastating way. [Continue reading the main story](#a11y-skip-0) ADVERTISEMENT ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0RtaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9MTYxOTYzJmxpPU1BJm09YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcD1NQV8yMDIwMDExOVcDbnl0QgoAHvFLJF7TM0o3Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~ ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0RtaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9NDMzNjgzJmxpPU1BJm09YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcD1NQV8yMDIwMDExOVcDbnl0QgoAHvFLJF7TM0o3Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~ ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0RtaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9NTY0NzUzJmxpPU1BJm09YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcD1NQV8yMDIwMDExOVcDbnl0QgoAHvFLJF7TM0o3Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~ Tim initiated the separation, announcing he had fallen in love with someone else. He began an affair while Jane was pregnant with their second child. My husband and I are shocked and horrified by Tim’s behavior and choices. We knew they had problems in their relationship (dealing with the death of a child, who would not?), but we never expected that Tim, who tends to be aggressively principled, was capable of this sort of deception and betrayal. You don’t fall in love from one moment to the next; Tim actively chose to deceive his partner at countless junctures over the last months, and this while she was pregnant and then recovering with a newborn. I can understand being in a relationship that makes you fundamentally unhappy, and Tim uses this argument to justify his behavior. But it seems to me that the responsible thing to do is to accept your
 unhappiness for a time, to try to sort things out (therapy, which he has refused except for counseling for grieving parents) and then, if it is impossible to reconcile, to separate. Cheating on the mother of your children, and leaving the mother to raise the new baby alone because you feel unhappy, seems the pinnacle of self-absorption. [Read the Ethicist’s reply here](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP4QgAWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3Lm55dGltZXMuY29tLzIwMjAvMDEvMTQvbWFnYXppbmUvY2FuLXdlLXN0YXktZnJpZW5kcy13aXRoLXNvbWVvbmUtd2hvLWJldHJheWVkLWhpcy1wcmVnbmFudC1wYXJ0bmVyLmh0bWw_dGU9MSZubD10aGUtbmV3IHlvcmsgdGltZXMgbWFnYXppbmUmZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMDAxMTk_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTUzMTAmc2VnbWVudF9pZD0yMDQ2NCZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTIyMDIwMDExOVcDbnl0QgoAHvFLJF7TM0o3Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~). MORE FROM THE MAGAZINE: ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0T3aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vaW50ZXJhY3RpdmUvMjAyMC8wMS8xNS9tYWdhemluZS9ydWR5LWdpdWxpYW5pLmh0bWw_dGU9MSZubD10aGUtbmV3IHlvcmsgdGltZXMgbWFnYXppbmUmZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMDAxMTk_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTUzMTAmc2VnbWVudF9pZD0yMDQ2NCZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTIyMDIwMDExOVcDbnl0QgoAHvFLJF7TM0o3Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~ [Article Image]     [Feature The Fog of Rudy Did he change — or did America? By Jonathan Mahler](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0T3aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vaW50ZXJhY3RpdmUvMjAyMC8wMS8xNS9tYWdhemluZS9ydWR5LWdpdWxpYW5pLmh0bWw_dGU9MSZubD10aGUtbmV3IHlvcmsgdGltZXMgbWFnYXppbmUmZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMDAxMTk_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTUzMTAmc2VnbWVudF9pZD0yMDQ2NCZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTIyMDIwMDExOVcDbnl0QgoAHvFLJF7TM0o3Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0T8aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMC8wMS8xNC9tYWdhemluZS9zZXgtc2NlbmUtaW50aW1hY3ktY29vcmRpbmF0b3IuaHRtbD90ZT0xJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcgeW9yayB0aW1lcyBtYWdhemluZSZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIwMDExOT9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xNTMxMCZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTIwNDY0JnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MjIwMjAwMTE5VwNueXRCCgAe8UskXtMzSjdSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~ [Article Image] Jackie Molloy for The New York Times   [Feature The Sex Scene Evolves for the #MeToo Era Studios and theaters are hiring intimacy coordinators to help actors. The twist: They’re also making the scenes sexier. By Lizzie Feidelson](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0T8aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMC8wMS8xNC9tYWdhemluZS9zZXgtc2NlbmUtaW50aW1hY3ktY29vcmRpbmF0b3IuaHRtbD90ZT0xJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcgeW9yayB0aW1lcyBtYWdhemluZSZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIwMDExOT9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xNTMxMCZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTIwNDY0JnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MjIwMjAwMTE5VwNueXRCCgAe8UskXtMzSjdSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0T2aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vaW50ZXJhY3RpdmUvMjAyMC8wMS8xNS9tYWdhemluZS9zcGxpdC1qdXJvcnMuaHRtbD90ZT0xJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcgeW9yayB0aW1lcyBtYWdhemluZSZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIwMDExOT9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xNTMxMCZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTIwNDY0JnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MjIwMjAwMTE5VwNueXRCCgAe8UskXtMzSjdSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~ [Article Image] Larry Fink for The New York Times   [Two Jurors Voted to Acquit. He Was Convicted of Murder Anyway. Michael Shannon was wrongly convicted — a result of a Louisiana law rooted in discrimination. Why are split-jury verdicts still allowed in America? By Emily Bazelon](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0T2aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vaW50ZXJhY3RpdmUvMjAyMC8wMS8xNS9tYWdhemluZS9zcGxpdC1qdXJvcnMuaHRtbD90ZT0xJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcgeW9yayB0aW1lcyBtYWdhemluZSZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIwMDExOT9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xNTMxMCZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTIwNDY0JnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MjIwMjAwMTE5VwNueXRCCgAe8UskXtMzSjdSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0T_aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vaW50ZXJhY3RpdmUvMjAyMC8wMS8xMy9tYWdhemluZS9yb3NpZS1wZXJlei1pbnRlcnZpZXcuaHRtbD90ZT0xJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcgeW9yayB0aW1lcyBtYWdhemluZSZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIwMDExOT9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xNTMxMCZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTIwNDY0JnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MjIwMjAwMTE5VwNueXRCCgAe8UskXtMzSjdSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~ [Article Image] Mamadi Doumbouya for The New York Times   [Talk Rosie Perez on Tupac, Sex and Dancing “You can teach someone how to dance, but you can’t teach someone how to boogie.” By David Marchese](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0T_aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vaW50ZXJhY3RpdmUvMjAyMC8wMS8xMy9tYWdhemluZS9yb3NpZS1wZXJlei1pbnRlcnZpZXcuaHRtbD90ZT0xJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcgeW9yayB0aW1lcyBtYWdhemluZSZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIwMDExOT9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xNTMxMCZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTIwNDY0JnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MjIwMjAwMTE5VwNueXRCCgAe8UskXtMzSjdSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [Continue reading the main story](#a11y-skip-1) ADVERTISEMENT ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0RtaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9MTM1MzM5JmxpPU1BJm09YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcD1NQV8yMDIwMDExOVcDbnl0QgoAHvFLJF7TM0o3Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~ ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0RtaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9NDM5MTc2JmxpPU1BJm09YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcD1NQV8yMDIwMDExOVcDbnl0QgoAHvFLJF7TM0o3Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~ ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0RtaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9NTcwMjQ2JmxpPU1BJm09YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcD1NQV8yMDIwMDExOVcDbnl0QgoAHvFLJF7TM0o3Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~ ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP4QEAWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3Lm55dGltZXMuY29tLzIwMjAvMDEvMTUvbWFnYXppbmUvY2hpbmVzZS1yb2FzdC1wb3JrLWdhcmxpYy1icmVhZC1yZWNpcGUuaHRtbD90ZT0xJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcgeW9yayB0aW1lcyBtYWdhemluZSZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIwMDExOT9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xNTMxMCZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTIwNDY0JnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MjIwMjAwMTE5VwNueXRCCgAe8UskXtMzSjdSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~ [Article Image] Sarah Anne Ward for The New York Times. Food stylist: Maggie Ruggiero. Prop stylist: Amy Elise Wilson   [Eat Chinese Roast Pork on Garlic Bread: What More Could You Want? One of the great New York sandwiches, courtesy of China, Italy and the Catskills. By Sam Sifton](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP4QEAWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3Lm55dGltZXMuY29tLzIwMjAvMDEvMTUvbWFnYXppbmUvY2hpbmVzZS1yb2FzdC1wb3JrLWdhcmxpYy1icmVhZC1yZWNpcGUuaHRtbD90ZT0xJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcgeW9yayB0aW1lcyBtYWdhemluZSZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIwMDExOT9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xNTMxMCZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTIwNDY0JnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MjIwMjAwMTE5VwNueXRCCgAe8UskXtMzSjdSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) [Diagnosis Why Did the Woman’s Finger Turn Numb and Blue? Out of nowhere a woman notices that, though her middle finger doesn’t hurt, it does not look or feel normal. By Lisa Sanders, M.D.](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP4QKAWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3Lm55dGltZXMuY29tLzIwMjAvMDEvMTUvbWFnYXppbmUvd2h5LWRpZC10aGUtd29tYW5zLWZpbmdlci10dXJuLW51bWItYW5kLWJsdWUuaHRtbD90ZT0xJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcgeW9yayB0aW1lcyBtYWdhemluZSZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIwMDExOT9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xNTMxMCZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTIwNDY0JnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MjIwMjAwMTE5VwNueXRCCgAe8UskXtMzSjdSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP4QLAWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3Lm55dGltZXMuY29tLzIwMjAvMDEvMTUvbWFnYXppbmUvZHViYWktZ3d5bmV0aC1wYWx0cm93LWthdGUtaHVkc29uLXpvZS1zYWxkYW5hLmh0bWw_dGU9MSZubD10aGUtbmV3IHlvcmsgdGltZXMgbWFnYXppbmUmZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMDAxMTk_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTUzMTAmc2VnbWVudF9pZD0yMDQ2NCZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTIyMDIwMDExOVcDbnl0QgoAHvFLJF7TM0o3Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~ [Article Image] Photo illustration by Najeebah Al-Ghadban   [Screenland Three Movie Stars Head for Dubai but End Up in the Uncanny Valley A film advertises the city as a modern escape where women can do whatever they want. The reality of the place thwarts the girls’ trip vibe at every turn. By Carina Chocano](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP4QLAWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3Lm55dGltZXMuY29tLzIwMjAvMDEvMTUvbWFnYXppbmUvZHViYWktZ3d5bmV0aC1wYWx0cm93LWthdGUtaHVkc29uLXpvZS1zYWxkYW5hLmh0bWw_dGU9MSZubD10aGUtbmV3IHlvcmsgdGltZXMgbWFnYXppbmUmZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMDAxMTk_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTUzMTAmc2VnbWVudF9pZD0yMDQ2NCZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTIyMDIwMDExOVcDbnl0QgoAHvFLJF7TM0o3Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) ~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP4QJAWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3Lm55dGltZXMuY29tLzIwMjAvMDEvMTYvbWFnYXppbmUvanVkZ2Utam9obi1ob2RnbWFuLW9uLWdyb2Nlcnktc3RvcmUtYmFza2V0cy5odG1sP3RlPTEmbmw9dGhlLW5ldyB5b3JrIHRpbWVzIG1hZ2F6aW5lJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjAwMTE5P2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTE1MzEwJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MjA0NjQmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkNyZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyMjAyMDAxMTlXA255dEIKAB7xSyRe0zNKN1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA [Article Image] Illustration by Louise Zergaeng Pomeroy   [Judge John Hodgman Judge John Hodgman on Grocery Store Baskets If you repeatedly forget to grab one upon entering the store, how should your partner point this out to you? By Judge John Hodgman](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP4QJAWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3Lm55dGltZXMuY29tLzIwMjAvMDEvMTYvbWFnYXppbmUvanVkZ2Utam9obi1ob2RnbWFuLW9uLWdyb2Nlcnktc3RvcmUtYmFza2V0cy5odG1sP3RlPTEmbmw9dGhlLW5ldyB5b3JrIHRpbWVzIG1hZ2F6aW5lJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjAwMTE5P2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTE1MzEwJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MjA0NjQmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkNyZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyMjAyMDAxMTlXA255dEIKAB7xSyRe0zNKN1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [Poem: Return to Nushagak This traveling meditational poem brings us to the far north, in a conversation. One of those places in this world where people are not always on their way to somewhere else.  By John Brandi and Naomi Shihab Nye](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0T1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMC8wMS8xNi9tYWdhemluZS9wb2VtLXJldHVybi10by1udXNoYWdhay5odG1sP3RlPTEmbmw9dGhlLW5ldyB5b3JrIHRpbWVzIG1hZ2F6aW5lJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjAwMTE5P2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTE1MzEwJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MjA0NjQmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkNyZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyMjAyMDAxMTlXA255dEIKAB7xSyRe0zNKN1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) Stay in touch: Follow us on Twitter ([@NYTmag](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP4RGAmh0dHBzOi8vbmwubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vZi9hL2hlR1ZBa0VsUFo1MnFfRGUycmgyb0F-fi9BQUFBQVFBfi9SZ1JmX0VVY1AwVEhhSFIwY0hNNkx5OTBkMmwwZEdWeUxtTnZiUzl1ZVhSdFlXY19kR1U5TVNadWJEMTBhR1V0Ym1WM0lIbHZjbXNnZEdsdFpYTWdiV0ZuWVhwcGJtVW1aVzFqUFdWa2FYUmZiV0ZmTWpBeU1EQXhNVEVfWTJGdGNHRnBaMjVmYVdROU5USW1hVzV6ZEdGdVkyVmZhV1E5TVRVeE1UY21jMlZuYldWdWRGOXBaRDB5TURJMU1DWjFjMlZ5WDJsa1BUVTNZV1V4TVRnMU1qWXlNalZoT0RGaE5ESmtNRFZoWmpVME9UUXpaRFEySm5KbFoybGZhV1E5TnpBeE5UZ3hNemN5TURJd01ERXhNVmNEYm5sMFFnb0FLaHpBR1Y1WnJjcjVVaHhxWlhOemFXTmhMbUZ1WkdWeWMyOXVRRzU1ZEdsdFpYTXVZMjl0V0FRQUFBQUE_dGU9MSZubD10aGUtbmV3IHlvcmsgdGltZXMgbWFnYXppbmUmZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMDAxMTk_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTUzMTAmc2VnbWVudF9pZD0yMDQ2NCZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTIyMDIwMDExOVcDbnl0QgoAHvFLJF7TM0o3Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~)). Appreciated this email? Forward it to a friend and help us grow. Loved a story? Hated it? Write us a letter at [magazine@nytimes.com](mailto:newsletters@nytimes.com?subject=Newsletter%20Feedback%20NYT%20Magazine). Did a friend forward this to you? [Sign up here to get the magazine newsletter](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP4SiAmh0dHBzOi8vbmwubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vZi9hLzg1c0pDYTdaQzIzU1N4dWx0enFTc0F-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~~). [Continue reading the main story](#a11y-skip-2) Need help? Review our [newsletter help page](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0TwaHR0cHM6Ly9oZWxwLm55dGltZXMuY29tL2hjL2VuLXVzL2FydGljbGVzLzM2MDAwMTQ4ODI2Ni1OZXdzbGV0dGVycz90ZT0xJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcgeW9yayB0aW1lcyBtYWdhemluZSZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIwMDExOT9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xNTMxMCZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTIwNDY0JnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MjIwMjAwMTE5VwNueXRCCgAe8UskXtMzSjdSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) or [contact us](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0TvaHR0cHM6Ly9oZWxwLm55dGltZXMuY29tL2hjL2VuLXVzL2FydGljbGVzLzExNTAxNTM4NTg4Ny1Db250YWN0LXVzP3RlPTEmbmw9dGhlLW5ldyB5b3JrIHRpbWVzIG1hZ2F6aW5lJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjAwMTE5P2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTE1MzEwJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MjA0NjQmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkNyZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyMjAyMDAxMTlXA255dEIKAB7xSyRe0zNKN1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) for assistance. You received this email because you signed up for The New York Times Magazine from The New York Times. To stop receiving these emails, [unsubscribe](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0TgaHR0cHM6Ly9teWFjY291bnQubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vc2VnL3Vuc3Vic2NyaWJlL01BLzE2Y2I1ODdmMmQyMjkzYjkwMTE1NDEyOGYwYzQyNDNhY2Q1NjVjMTgwZTE0ODNlMTc4NjYzNjVkMmNmNDRiOTYyMTMxMzczMTM0NmIxYzQzZDFmZWE1Mzc2NTg2OTVlNT9lbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIwMDExOSZubD10aGUtbmV3K3lvcmsrdGltZXMrbWFnYXppbmUmc2VuZF9pZD0yMDQ2NCZ0ZT0xMjAyMDAxMTlXA255dEIKAB7xSyRe0zNKN1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) or [manage your email preferences](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0T1aHR0cDovL3d3dy5ueXRpbWVzLmNvbS9lbWFpbD90ZT0xJm5sPU1BJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjAwMTE5JnRlPTEmbmw9dGhlLW5ldyB5b3JrIHRpbWVzIG1hZ2F6aW5lJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjAwMTE5P2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTE1MzEwJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MjA0NjQmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkNyZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMDAxMTlXA255dEIKAB7xSyRe0zNKN1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA). [Subscribe to The Times](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0TmaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vc3Vic2NyaXB0aW9uP2NhbXBhaWduSWQ9N0Y5ODkmdGU9MSZubD10aGUtbmV3IHlvcmsgdGltZXMgbWFnYXppbmUmZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMDAxMTk_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTUzMTAmc2VnbWVudF9pZD0yMDQ2NCZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTJfbWFfMjAyMDAxMTlXA255dEIKAB7xSyRe0zNKN1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) |[Get The New York Times app](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0TeaHR0cDovL3d3dy5ueXRpbWVzLmNvbS9zZXJ2aWNlcy9tb2JpbGUvaW5kZXguaHRtbD90ZT0xJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcgeW9yayB0aW1lcyBtYWdhemluZSZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIwMDExOT9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xNTMxMCZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTIwNDY0JnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MjIwMjAwMTE5VwNueXRCCgAe8UskXtMzSjdSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) Connect with us on: [twitter](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0THaHR0cHM6Ly90d2l0dGVyLmNvbS9ueXRtYWc_dGU9MSZubD10aGUtbmV3IHlvcmsgdGltZXMgbWFnYXppbmUmZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMDAxMTk_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTUzMTAmc2VnbWVudF9pZD0yMDQ2NCZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTIyMDIwMDExOVcDbnl0QgoAHvFLJF7TM0o3Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~) [instagram](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP0TOaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuaW5zdGFncmFtLmNvbS9ueXRtYWcvP3RlPTEmbmw9dGhlLW5ldyB5b3JrIHRpbWVzIG1hZ2F6aW5lJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjAwMTE5P2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTE1MzEwJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MjA0NjQmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkNyZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyMjAyMDAxMTlXA255dEIKAB7xSyRe0zNKN1IbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAA) [Change Your Email](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP4QFAWh0dHBzOi8vbXlhY2NvdW50Lm55dGltZXMuY29tL21lbS9lbWFpbC5odG1sP3RlPTEmbmw9TUEmZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMDAxMTkmdGU9MSZubD10aGUtbmV3IHlvcmsgdGltZXMgbWFnYXppbmUmZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMDAxMTk_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTUzMTAmc2VnbWVudF9pZD0yMDQ2NCZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTJlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIwMDExOVcDbnl0QgoAHvFLJF7TM0o3Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~)|[Privacy Policy](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP4QmAWh0dHA6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vY29udGVudC9oZWxwL3JpZ2h0cy9wcml2YWN5L3BvbGljeS9wcml2YWN5LXBvbGljeS5odG1sP3RlPTEmbmw9TUEmZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMDAxMTkmdGU9MSZubD10aGUtbmV3IHlvcmsgdGltZXMgbWFnYXppbmUmZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyMDAxMTk_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTUzMTAmc2VnbWVudF9pZD0yMDQ2NCZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3JnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTJlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIwMDExOVcDbnl0QgoAHvFLJF7TM0o3Uht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAA~)|[Contact Us](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRgBtDxP4QNAWh0dHBzOi8vbXlhY2NvdW50Lm55dGltZXMuY29tL21lbWJlcmNlbnRlci9oZWxwLmh0bWw_dGU9MSZubD1NQSZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIwMDExOSZ0ZT0xJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcgeW9yayB0aW1lcyBtYWdhemluZSZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDIwMDExOT9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xNTMxMCZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTIwNDY0JnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjAwMTE5VwNueXRCCgAe8UskXtMzSjdSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAA~~) The New York Times Company 620 Eighth Avenue New York, NY 10018