6 Strategies for Staying Calm (When Your Child Isn't)

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Or, [email us](mailto:hello@myplinkit.com) to find out how your entire school or workplace can benefit from [PLINKIT PRO.]( [BE A PLINKIT PRO]( 6 Practical Strategies for Staying Calm in the Heat of the Moment Through our many masterclasses and consultations, we often hear of a common struggle: “How do I stay calm when my child isn’t?” or “I know what I should do, but in the heat of the moment, I forget and I lose it.” As parents too, we absolutely relate - it’s hard to slow the reaction down and get grounded, before responding to your child. Yes, it makes sense to take a deep breath first; yes, the theory is sound - our response guides our children’s behavior, and they are looking to us for how to be mad, sad and everything in between when they’re feeling overwhelmed with their own big feelings. But, despite our best intentions, breathing and theory are easy to forget, amidst yelling, talking back or defiance, especially after a long day. Then, Why Yell? Yelling is often a common reaction from grown-ups because it relays urgency and power. But, for a child’s sensitive nervous system, the sound of that yelling (and often the physical facial expressions that come with it) feel scary, aggressive and intimidating. As a result, a child may do what was asked just because they want to stop the yelling, not because they’ve learned to change their behavior to make a better choice next time. It may seem like yelling can work in the short-term, but in the long-term as a child matures, it’s likely they’ll tune out the yelling or emotionally shut down when there is yelling. We know we should stay calm, but how does one practically get to that calm in the heat of the moment? 6 Ways to Slow the Reaction Down Here’s six concrete things you can do that’ll give you just enough time to recalibrate and find your calm, before those first words come rolling out. (An intentionally short list, so it’s easy to remember in the heat of the moment.) - Count backwards out loud: 5-4-3-2-1. - When said out loud, you're also modelling to your child a calming strategy they can use when they feel dysregulated. - Consciously speak s-l-o-w-l-y. (Slower than you think even.) - Actively lower your voice. The louder your child gets, the lower your tone. - This is another good way to model to your child that they can still get their point across with a calm tone. - Press your feet firmly to the ground. (Really feel your feet touch the ground, wiggle your toes.) - Get down to your child’s eye level. If you need to, gently put your hands on their shoulder. - Start with "I know". That’s it. Just "I know", followed by a pause (and a breath, if you can). - Sticking simply to "I know" is an easy way to safeguard our tendency to over-talk and use a cornucopia of words when we react. - Validating your child’s feelings and showing empathy from the outset, goes a long way. Children need and want to be seen, heard and understood. As our fabulous [Plinkit Parent, Jo Ann,]( reminded us: We don’t have to get on that emotional coaster. Our job is to stay on the platform! Keep reading below for strategies on heated topics where taking that space and time to collect yourself, before you respond, can yield a more effective and meaningful outcome with your child. Finally, our hearts are hurting for those who have been tragically affected by the earthquake in Türkiye and Syria. If you’re able to, please consider joining us in supporting relief efforts, including to: [Turkish Red Crescent]( [Médecins Sans Frontières]( and [International Rescue Committee.]( What Plinkit Parents Are Saying "Thank you so much. I walked away feeling smarter and so normal. It just makes sense when you say it like that. And it doesn't feel that hard to do." "I took so many notes because I want to give them to my husband and our nanny, too. I totally understood what you said about feelings, but my husband and I grew up never talking about feelings. So, you helped me figure out how we can talk about it for our son." "Your tips were so concrete. I can't wait to try T.H.I.N.K at the dinner table - and have some peace! I also realized how much I talk. Your scripts are short, but crystal clear." - - - - - Just a few highlights that had us humbly blushing. Thank you to The American Club of Singapore for inviting our Founder, Charmaine, to share her insights on 'successful' parenting. Please [email us](mailto:hello@myplinkit.com) if you'd like to bring one of our Plinkit masterclasses to your workplace or school. When it comes to that parenthood rollercoaster, being in community and in conversation can makes things easier and lighter. LEARN + DO [Go-To Parenting Scripts - How to Respond to Your Child]( Know what to say and how to respond (not react) to your child in 15 everyday life scenarios. [READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2020%2F04%2Fgo-to-parenting-scripts-how-to-respond-to-your-child-when-challenging-behavior%2F) [Share]( LEARN + DO [Tantrums - What You Could Do]( Bite-sized with simple scripts for what to do in the first 5 minutes. Learn what "Connect, then redirect," looks like in practice. 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[READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2017%2F08%2Fwhining-make-stop%2F) [Share]( LEARN + DO [Self-Regulation - A Self-Help Tool to Recover from a Meltdown]( How to create an empowering, go-to place for your child to find comfort and safety when their internal engines feel out-of-sorts - a proven technique used in classrooms. [READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2017%2F09%2Fself-regulation-part-iii-getting-back-green%2F) [Share]( LEARN + DO [How to Handle Disrespectful Language and Tone of Voice]( Identify why your maturing child may be using disrespectful language and how to respond in the moment. 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[READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2021%2F07%2Fwhat-to-do-and-avoid-when-your-child-lies%2F) [Share]( LEARN + DO [Anger Management FAQs (After You Feel You've Tried It All)]( Answers to questions we’re commonly asked - because even with strategies in your tool kit, there will be outbursts that feel frustrating and confusing. [READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2021%2F03%2Fanger-management-children-answers-common-questions%2F) [Share]( LEARN + DO [How to Teach Your Child to Calm Down Independently]( A go-to list of calming strategies that your child can independently use to get back on track. A preventative technique to head off a meltdown. [READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2020%2F05%2Fcalm-down-strategies-for-kids%2F) [Share]( Learn better. Play smarter. [EXPLORE OUR TOPICS]( FOLLOW US: If you liked what you read, FORWARD to a friend! Our content is written in partnership with the best child development experts. No ads. No sponsored recommendations. Just original content. This email was sent to {EMAIL} [why did I get this?]( [unsubscribe from this list]( [update subscription preferences]( Plinkit · Parenting made simpler. · Written by experts. Designed for intentional parents. 049712 · Singapore [Mailchimp Email Marketing](