Newsletter Wednesday, November 30, 2016

[LaineyGossip.com - Calling all smuthounds!] Wednesday, November 30, 2016 [Intro for November 30, 2016] Dear Gossips, This week [Time Magazine] named Can’t Stop The Feeling, by Justin Timberlake, the Worst Song of 2016. The worst song of the worst f-cking year, which, well, is kind of the best. He’ll play like he doesn’t mind and that he’ll take the bad with the good but you know him, he totally minds. Because he thinks he’s the sh-t. And he thinks everyone else thinks he’s the sh-t. Not everyone was a believer though. And to commemorate JT’s achievement, shout-out to Brandon Caldwell at the Houston Press [for declaring that Can’t Stop The Feeling sucks]…way back in MAY. Brandon, by the way, published a hilarious piece a couple of days ago about why Mimi’s All I Want For Christmas actually disrespects Santa and Christmas and therefore sucks. I mean, I’m never going to not love Mimi’s Christmas theme that has become THE modern Christmas theme, but Brandon’s points aren’t wrong. Also shout-out to Rich Juzwiak at Jezebel for insisting in SEPTEMBER that [Justin Timberlake Should Not Be Forgiven] for the Trolls soundtrack, the “worst album of the year”. Brandon knew. And Rich knew. But the best album of the year? According to [Rolling Stone], it’s Lemonade, Beyoncé. Ashes to ashes. Dust to Pipsqueaks! According to the “Beyceipts”: Lemonade has been crowned the best album of the year by Rolling Stone. It's the first time an album by a black female has ever achieved this [pic.twitter.com/H1gNLMxmBJ] — Beyoncé Facts (@beyceipts) [November 28, 2016] There’s a Beyoncé Twitter thread that I’ve been waiting to post for over a week now and haven’t had a chance until now. [Click here] to read one songwriter’s perspective on Beyoncé’s quiet contributions to R&B and new talent. Yours in gossip, Lainey [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 2:35 PM [Gilmore Girls: A, Single, Non-Definitive, Year In The Life] [Lauren Graham out in New York, November 30, 2016] I really appreciate having couple of days to sit with A Year In The Life. I took my time, as Kathleen texted me ever-more-frantically. “Have you started yet?! HURRY!” “OMG.” “OMG ARE YOU AWAKE?” (OK, that last one was me.) I feared being disappointed, because I thought the show might be sanitized or saccharine. Ultimately, I wasn’t at all, but I’m aware that I’m in the minority. A lot of people expected something very different than what we got. I wonder if this is about Amy Sherman-Palladino’s precision in language. We’ve all heard about the strict speech rules Gilmore Girls required, right? If the script says ‘cannot’, you don’t say ‘can’t’? Well, when the project was first announced, I distinctly remember hearing it would be ‘four features’, or movies – it wasn’t until later that ‘episodes’ was used interchangeably. Also, the title, “Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life”. A year. That’s not an accident. It’s not Gilmore Girls: Reunion or Homecoming or Best Friends Forever. It’s a year—and maybe not one of their best. But it’s also not the ‘ending of the story’, for everything to be tied up in a bow and happily ever after. Not that it ever was. But people who didn’t love A Year In The Life are really disappointed. In Rory, mostly (curiously, they’re not disappointed in Lorelai). They’re mad at the creators. One email asked why Amy Sherman-Palladino resurrected the series just to ruin it. I would argue this was the way the show was always supposed to go. It was always meant to be—and end—in a way that is loving but melancholy. The love of family is enduring but so are the frustrations. But fans who hated it wish it had been better, or different, and that the time to make it better or different had been taken out of that goddamned musical. In fact, let me start with the musical. Yes, it was absurd. Too long. Diverted focus from the main characters. Even though I agree it was too long, and the after-discussion was painfully slow, I think it was a meta-nod to the series. Remember how Rory and Lorelai loved watching movies, good and bad? Saying awful lines with the actors and watching boys on the couch to see if they caught the ridiculous lines or props? That’s the vibe I think they wanted here. In my mind, the long cuts to dismayed Lorelai should make you think you’re sitting beside her, feeling just as terrible and like it will never end. But younger Lorelai would have cackled at the awfulness and made jokes to Rory, or to Luke, or to Sookie. A different Lorelai would have mouthed off to the feedback circle about how bad it was and then happily gone on to eat popsicles. The fact that she can’t take joy in it is one of the things that tells her she has to leave. Because let’s be honest – Lorelai is stunted. She’s a much milder version of her former self, who no longer picks fights with Luke or Taylor or even manipulates people all that much. She’s so muted, partly from grief and exhaustion, and partly from inertia, that she’s almost washed out. The only thing that keeps her fire going is conflict with her mother – and maybe her daughter. The biggest open secret of Gilmore Girls is that Lorelai’s even more intelligent than Rory. Maybe much more. But with nowhere challenging to put her brain and her energy, it’s jokes and patter and amusing herself because otherwise she’d be so bored she’d die. When she’s focused on the Dragonfly or Rory or the injustice of her parents, she’s determined and driven, but when things are quiet, it’s Paul Anka outfits and mocking her mother. So the terrible musical wakes her up, and she realizes she can’t just stay in the tiny town she landed in at sixteen unless she actively chooses it. I could have used even more of Lorelai examining her life. I think under there she could admit there’s still a lot she left undone – but I’ll take the vulnerability and grief with Emily, and the admission that she really did do something terrible the night of the funeral, as progress. For now. Because as Lorelai says, it all comes full circle, and will continue to. Emily and Lorelai will barb at each other until the day Emily dies, because that’s what we do as human beings. We move forward and back, we get better and then worse, we make progress but we never become perfect, as Richard ably proves. I sobbed over Edward Herrman. Seeing that portrait and the humour and pathos in it made me both feel he was there and miss him more. We all talk about Friday Night Light’s Coach and Tami Taylor as a marriage we love to watch, but pour one out for Richard and Emily, who were their own ecosystem. I miss them. I worry I will short-change Emily’s story here, because it was so good and so achingly haunting, and because as a woman who is grieving through all four episodes, she is meaner, more detached, and more strange, and I bought it even when I didn’t like it. When we feel odd seeing her in jeans, imagine how she feels. I was so there with her. I am terrified of losing people who are close to me, but I saw her doggedly being awake every day and I loved her for it, and I want to visit her at the Whaling Museum in a way that indicates I have trouble with reality. But even though Emily loves and misses Richard, she knows he wasn’t perfect. Because Richard Gilmore is still a product of his time, and all wounds aren’t fixed just because someone passes, and he loves his family very much and thinks the world of them – but he gives franchise money to Luke. Not to Lorelai, whom he knows is smart and ambitious and has made a lot out of very little, but to Luke, who’s never expressed any hopes for that. Somewhere, Richard thinks Luke being successful will buoy Lorelai, and he wants a daughter of his to be well taken care of, so the intentions are pure, in a fashion. But Richard could not see that the business that would most benefit from Richard’s largesse was built by his own daughter. It’s sexist, and it’s a blind spot. It doesn’t make Richard not wonderful, and he still gave Lorelai the best birthday she ever had. It can be both. Gilmore Girls is both. Light and sweet, and dark and bleak. The love of your life, and the first person who appeared in front of you. All of the potential for the greatest heights, and all of the bruises when you fall back down. Which is the statement that brings us to the polarizing figure that is Rory Gilmore. I was shocked at how much people disliked what she was going through. How unbelievable they found it. Almost enraging, actually. Rory’s 32ish, and has had some successes but is hitting a career stall. She’s unmoored with no clear path to get out of it, and she’s got no permanent address, which you could also call ‘transcontinental’. She’s a failure, or she’s just in a little rut Also, she’s making bad decisions in her love life. ….And? I know so many people who tick some or all of those boxes. Why is Rory supposed to be perfect and without problems? Because she’s smart? Because Yale? A friend of mine said she remembers Rory like this: “She cared about grades. She was a big reader – made being smart ‘cool’. A good role model.” I don’t disagree that she had some of those qualities…but who says that a teenager like that doesn’t turn into a woman like this? Part of this is the reality of a freelance writing career. There’s speed, and then none. Ups and downs. Variances. I know successful writers who give their accountants aneurysms when their income goes from $200,000 one year to $12,000 the next – and that’s not a typo. As for the people who are surprised the Stars Hollow Gazette doesn’t pay…ummm…are things different at print publications where you are, in 2016? It’s totally realistic that this is where she is. She’s a good writer, but that’s not the same as being a hustler. Rory did well in school because school provides an exact breakdown of what to do to succeed. But there’s no syllabus called ‘Exactly how to be successful as a freelancer, forever’…especially at Yale. I’m sure she did hustle, too. That she pitched and earned and had successes. But I also buy that she got a bit tired. Used up all her contacts and needs a reset. It happens, and how you get through it is often the mark of what kind of person you are…which is what this chapter of Gilmore is actually all about. I don’t defend all of the story. I wholeheartedly agree that Rory saying she can’t buy underwear was stupid. In fact, Rory probably meant she was ‘broke’ as in, she doesn’t have a nest egg, and no down payment, and no viable way to start a whole new life. (For those who point out that she might have Richard’s money or Christopher’s money…who knows. Maybe her trust only kicks in at 35? Maybe it’s all in Emily’s control until it’s not?) That the show has Rory use that word, “broke”, means it deserves every single critique saying it’s about wealthy privileged narcissists who don’t know what it is to struggle. But it might also mean hapless, privileged Rory has become exactly the person Lorelai feared she would. Once again, it can be both. This particular Rory, who I find believable, if not sympathetic? This is exactly what Lorelai thought might happen if she let her daughter into her parents’ world. How’s that for full circle? That’s not to blame for her romantic decisions, though, which are equal-opportunity stupid. That is, I don’t know anyone who hasn’t made a series of bad decisions right up until they made one good one. But even if you haven’t made a bad decision ever, or know friends who have…you know Rory. Who was always desperately in love with the adrenaline hit that was Logan. Who was never able to quit him, even though he was bad for her at times. To be still wrapped up in him is a lack of progress on her part, sure …but why do you want her to be perfect? Full admission of bias – I find Logan, and the Life and Death Brigade, and especially the caper they pulled in Fall, to be ridiculously charming. I love their sense of adventure. They give Rory something nobody else does. It’s one thing to read about Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, and it’s another thing to have imagination enough to figure out what that could mean, especially combined with alcohol and speakeasies. I’m not blind to Logan’s flaws and I’m not advocating for a guy who wants to be married and have a girl on the side, but I am charmed by them together (and I think they have better chemistry than Rory and Jess. Who’s basically her brother now. So there.). Why isn’t it OK for Rory to take a while to figure out who she is? To have stories to tell? If she was perfect, and boring, which is the criticism a lot of us, and Paris, lobbed at this show in the beginning, why would we watch the resurrection of the show? Now that there are complications, doesn’t that make things interesting? Since the last four words are exactly what you thought they would be, aren’t you glad Rory has stories of mistakes she’s made, to tell the next generation? What if her conversation with Christopher is wrong, or she heard it wrong? Don’t you want to see her make the mistake? Put it this way, if it’s all perfect, aren’t we just watching an hour of Kirk and his piglet? Look, I didn’t love everything. I didn’t love the Paul gag at all, I wish Lorelai had expressed a bit more about the dreams she’s only now allowing herself to have, and the lip service paid to Stars Hollow’s lack of diversity by using background actors of colour who don’t actually speak? Ridiculous and offensive. Oh, and while I’m up – Rory couldn’t have called her book “30 minutes from Hartford”? I got the nod to ‘The Facebook”, but it was cheesy and twee in a moment that wasn’t, otherwise. But the complaints about the choices Rory makes, or the way she’s unprepared for an interview, or the fact that Lorelai couldn’t come up with something nice to say about her father when it really counted, or that she lied to Luke about going to therapy? Those are the same choices those women have been making. We’re further down the road, but they’re the same people we met in the year 2000…or at least, the people we saw them become. You care about them because they’re flawed. Because you want to see how they could be better. I know about all the warm feelings people have for this show, feeling like Stars Hollow is a cozy, loving place to grow up. But the show has always said that nature and nurture are in a deadlock for who you are. That you can run from your parents, but never escape them. That everything comes full circle. It’s been there all along, beside the whimsy and the folksiness and goings-on in the gazebo that make the bitter pills of the family dynamic go down that much easier. To me, that’s what made the show amazing. It’s why I watched…and I can’t speak for you, but I definitely think it was there all along. If you’re upset that the residents of Stars Hollow haven’t stopped in time, I’m curious about who you were coming back to see. If Rory and Lorelai and Emily have grown up to be less perfect than you hoped, does that say more about them – or about you? Attached - Lauren Graham out in New York today and on The Today Show yesterday. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 8:40 PM [Smutty Social Media, November 30, 2016] [Mandy Moore out in LA with boyfriend Taylor Goldsmith, November 28, 2016] I try really hard not to judge people who use crystals. Really hard. [@byrdiebeauty suggested we get our auras read and I jumped at the opportunity (and ended up buying way more crystals than necessary-- as you do). Then we got to do a fun, appropriately themed photoshoot with metallics and my friends @jennstreicher and @streicherhair. Link in bio!! 🌈] A photo posted by Mandy Moore (@mandymooremm) on Nov 30, 2016 at 5:53am PST I love how she is posing beside a soundboard to promote a clothing line. She’s not even pretending to be a singer anymore. [So excited to share my exclusive picks of @adidaswomen's gear and TWO of my favourite go-to sneakers for #adidasAvenueA available to order now ❤️❤️❤️ Get it at adidasAvenueA.com #3stripestyle] A photo posted by Rita Ora (@ritaora) on Nov 30, 2016 at 9:06am PST I too am tired of Twitter threads. Besides that, Jon Hendren has the best Twitter handle. later today im thinking of posting 85 tweets in a row so everyone quotes a different tweet and says "Thread." to it — jon hendren (@fart) [November 29, 2016] My kids are obsessed with wrestling so it’s on at least twice a week in our house. It’s a fascinating look at marketing and brand development because it’s obvious every single character is hoping to be the next [Dwayne Johnson]. (I saw Moana on the weekend and wholeheartedly [agree with Sarah].) [Grateful to share this EXCLUSIVE NEW COVER w/ you. Failure can be a cool & powerful thing.. When I was 15yrs old and started playing football, I had a dream that one day I'd play in the NFL and be on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Keep in mind, at 15, I also considered becoming a pro-boxer 'cause I thought I could be beat Mike Tyson who at that time, became the youngest ever Heavyweight Champ, so clearly my goals were extremely ambitious if not crack pipe level impossible. I failed to make it to the NFL (as well as got cut from the Canadian Football League). But my football failure created a drive that still pushes me today. Now years later THE COVER of @SportsIllustrated dream & goal was just achieved. Holy shit! (that's the 15yr old in me talkin';). At the end of the day, I want to surround myself with the hungriest and most brilliant team, because I never want to just play in the game, I always want change the way the game played. And thank God I didn't fight Mike Tyson. #FromAthleteToCEO #ToTheCoverOfSportsIllustrated #SevenBucksProds #1Baller *LINK TO FULL STORY IN MY BIO] A photo posted by therock (@therock) on Nov 30, 2016 at 7:38am PST To be totally honest, I didn’t realize SJP had quit Twitter, which she calls “a fest of vitriol,” until I read [this]. [I couldn't help but wonder... why *did* @SarahJessicaParker say goodbye to Twitter? Tap the link in our bio to see what our January cover star has to say about social media. 📸: @thomaswhiteside; Cover Story: @LauraBrown99; Styling: @AliPew; Hair: @sergenormant; Makeup: @leslielopezmakeupartist; Manicure: @ginaeppolito; Set Design: @betteradams; Production: @redhooklabs ✨] A photo posted by instylemagazine (@instylemagazine) on Nov 30, 2016 at 9:18am PST Raya is a dating app for “elite creative” (ie celebrites) and hot and/or rich people. This Vogue essay breaks down [how that works out in real life]. I think Retta is too good for this and we should start Gossip Genie’ing her options. Is anyone using the Raya app? — Retta (@unfoRETTAble) [November 25, 2016] Sweet sentiment but honestly is that the best photo you could find, Hugh. This is such a husband move. [Happy birthday @deborralee ! I love you with all my heart.] A photo posted by Hugh Jackman (@thehughjackman) on Nov 30, 2016 at 5:42am PST I’m out of ways to describe the face he makes. Did he sneeze one day and it got stuck in that expression? [Thank you Sydney paparazzi for trying to capture my playful side, but instead making me look like a total creep. Can't a guy have an innocent splash fight in peace? At least let me put my tongue away next time. #creep #30s #oldguyshit #loveit] A photo posted by Scott Eastwood (@scotteastwood) on Nov 27, 2016 at 12:01am PST [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 8:04 PM [Lin-Manuel Miranda is a hardcore fantasy nerd] [Lin-Manuel Miranda] We’re going deep into the Dork Forest for this one. [Lin-Manuel Miranda], human sunbeam and creator of Hamilton, is going to produce an adaptation of The Kingkiller Chronicle, a fantasy novel series by Patrick Rothfuss. Sounds kind of badass, right? “Kingkiller” kind of sounds like “Kingslayer”, so maybe this is like a Game of Thrones thing? Yes, if Game of Thrones included less brutal murders and more musical numbers. The Kingkiller Chronicle is about a singing minstrel who quit adventuring to run an inn. It’s really, REALLY nerdy. So I guess it makes sense that the world’s #1 theater dork is bringing it to the screen. Miranda—a big fan of the books—is being tapped as the “creative producer” of the project, which will include both film and TV iterations. Ron Howard wanted to do something similar with Stephen King’s Dark Tower, but for now that’s just a movie. These big fantasy worlds certainly have the space to span multi-platform storytelling but the problem is the audience. Even the highest rated TV shows pull less than half the domestic audience of a blockbuster, which isn’t even accounting for foreign audiences who might not have access to the TV show. So you have to be judicious about which information is going where, and what stories you’re telling in which sphere. Kingkiller is going to try and go the Marvel route, with the feature films telling the central story of Kvothe, the retired minstrel hero, while the TV show(s) “expand on the world outside the books”. (Ask Marvel how this model is working—it isn’t.) Uniting all of it will be original music from Miranda, who is going to serve as composer and write the songs. Right now it doesn’t sound like he’ll be involved as an actor, though there is apparently an option for him to participate in potential stage versions, too. Boy, they are really banking on Kingkiller being a phenomenon. I think there’s a limit to how much fantasy people will accept in mainstream entertainment, but you do you. All this is coming from Lionsgate, who is desperate to launch a new franchise after The Hunger Games wrapped up. They’ve doubled-down on John Wick—good call—and they’re launching Power Rangers next year—good luck—but this is their first stab at what is basically a cinematic universe. They could a lot worse than putting Lin-Manuel Miranda in charge of setting the tone. (Just look at DC Films to see what happens when you pick the wrong tone.) Whatever ends up happening with The Kingkiller Chronicle, at least we’ll get some new Miranda music out of it. I actually want to hear what an epic fantasy battle ode by Lin-Manuel Miranda sounds like. [Source] [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 7:05 PM [Matt & Ben’s great timing] [Ben Affleck and Matt Damon out in LA, November 29, 2016] Good Will Hunting came out 19 years ago this week. That was the beginning of [Matt] and [Ben]. Damon and Affleck. And all the hysteria that followed and now the nostalgia that’s replaced it. Will there be some kind of 20 year anniversary celebration next year? Matt and Ben stepped out together and got papped yesterday in LA. Their show, Incorporated, which they produced together, premieres on Syfy today. Coincidence or conspiracy? I mean, every outlet that’s published these pictures that I’ve seen has mentioned Incorporated and it’s not like there would have been that many Google hits on Incorporated today if not for these images. Look, I’ve just mentioned Incorporated three times, now four. You’re welcome Matt and Ben. Or, rather, thank you Matt and Ben for giving us new photos of yourselves. That’s always how the celebrity relationship works. THEY’re the ones doing YOU the favour. Anyway, in addition to Incorporated, Ben’s also getting ready for the release of Live By Night. The film is opening (limited) on Christmas Day before going wide in January to qualify for awards consideration. As Sarah mentioned in the [previous post about Casey Affleck], this showed up on Twitter yesterday: LIVE BY NIGHT is a disaster. No idea what happened here, but it's one of the year's worst movies. I'm stunned. — Jeremy Smith (@mrbeaks) [November 29, 2016] Now that’s just one critic’s opinion and complete reviews seem to be embargoed so far but there’s another critic who comments on that thread and while he doesn’t openly concur with the assessment, his comment “all below the line” is tacit agreement. And it [calls back to Variety’s article] on Live By Night after it screened a couple of weeks ago, with focus on the film’s “[crafts]” and practically no mention of the merit of the storytelling or the acting so… So… I’m curious. SO curious now. Really, really, REALLY want to know what we’re dealing with here. And especially since his brother is currently the frontrunner for Best Actor. Ben has Oscars but he’s never been anywhere near the acting categories. Which, as an actor, it’s not like, you know, he’s never thought about it. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 5:42 PM [Casey Affleck is fine] [Casey Affleck attends the 26th Annual Gotham Independent Film Awards at Cipriani Wall Street on November 28, 2016 in New York City] Critical status update report—[Casey Affleck], actor and Oscar hopeful, continues to be absolutely, totally, 100% okay despite [serious allegations of sexual harassment]. The latest pit stop on the Casey Affleck Is Doing Just Fine Tour is the National Board of Review, where he won Best Actor for his performance in Manchester by the Sea, which was also named the best film of the year. The NBR isn’t totally reliable as an Oscar predictor, but they’re more in the ballpark than, say, the Gotham Awards which by the way Casey A-Okay won one of those, too. And the machine is in full gear, working to make sure that those sexual harassment allegations against Affleck don’t gain the kind of momentum that took down Nate Parker and ended his Oscar hopes. Over the weekend, The Daily Beast [laid out in detail] the substance of the allegations against Affleck from 2010, and [other outlets started piling on]. But Affleck’s team was quick to mobilize, and [The Wrap reports] that his PR rep called a reporter who reposted the story and asked him to take it down—and he did. This is the protection in place—what’s the opposite of a love shield? A dirt blanket?—that when the story can’t be contained to a brief, almost gentle acknowledgment of past bad behavior, often sloughed off as nothing more than tomfoolery, people are asked to simply stop talking about it, and amazingly many do. This machine doesn’t work for Nate Parker, but Casey Affleck’s shady f*cking past won’t be anything more than a speedbump on his road to Oscar glory. And…why do you think that is? Manchester also picked up an NBR ribbon for Kenneth Lonergan’s screenplay and Lucas Hedges got a breakout award, and with this, sh*t starts getting real. The current odds have La La Land as the Oscar favorite, but it got totally shut out at the NBR. Those nerds have bizarre taste—they also honored Hacksaw Ridge and Sully—but this is probably the line in the sand this year. Manchester and La La Land are going to start splitting a lot of votes as we move into critic groups’ and guild awards. In a less flaming dogsh*t turdpile year, I think Manchester is the clear favorite, but La La Land is basically a dream orgasm of escapism, so it’s getting the [bounce]. But the littlest Affleck is fine, he’ll continue to be fine, and he’s just getting started at winning prizes. There is another shadow hanging over his Oscar run, though, and that’s big brother Ben. His latest film, Live By Night, also positioned as an Oscar hopeful, has just started screening for critics. Early word? [It sucks].That may be the nicest gift you could give Casey this Christmas. [Source] [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 5:06 PM [Justin on break] [Justin Bieber arrives at Tape Night Club in London, November 29, 2016] [Justin Bieber] played his last show of the Purpose tour in London last night. He now has a couple of months off before heading to Latin America in February, although he’s scheduled to perform in Miami Beach on New Year’s Eve. He needs the break though. As we’ve seen, tour life can be hard on certain artists. Not everyone has the constitution for it. Justin in particular and on this tour, well, we’ve seen him cancel his meet and greets, get into his feelings about not being heard on stage, and a few months ago he quit Instagram and still hasn’t reactivated, at least not publicly. He talked about Instagram last night during his show, teasing his fans about getting back on, and then calling it hell: I guess that’s a no for now on Instagram. Is it a yes or no his current look? It’s the 70s glasses. One of the Jenners was wearing them a couple of weeks ago too. Is it a “[new Brat Pack]” thing? You know the first image that came into my head when I saw JB reminds in these glasses though? Mark David Chapman. Terrible association, I know. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 4:23 PM [Sexy Archie] [KJ Apa on Instagram] If you read the Archie comics growing up, “sexy” probably isn’t the word you would use to describe Riverdale’s resident redhead. Awkward? Sure. Charming? Maybe. A sexy heartthrob with abs of steel? Nope. Well, the CW has released a teaser for its new teen drama Riverdale, a grittier take on the classic comic series and Archie is HOT. Everyone is HOT. All of your favourite characters are represented and their hair colours are spot on. Otherwise, this sure isn’t the Archie you remember from your supermarket checkout aisle. If you couldn’t tell from the ominous music or if you just got distracted by shirtless Archie ([hello KJ Apa!]), the story is going to follow a murder mystery which rattles the small town of Riverdale and picks up just after the arrival of Veronica Lodge, played by newcomer Camila Mendes. Lili Reinhart plays her famous frenemy and pop culture’s quintessential girl-next-door Betty Cooper, who is caught up in her crush on Archie and an overbearing mother. Archie’s aloof former bestie Jughead Jones will be played by Cole Sprouse – yes, of the Big Daddy/ Secret Life of Zack and Cody Sprouse twins. And casually, Luke freaking Perry is Archie’s dad Fred. The trailer only provides quick glimpses of the cast so here’s a closer look at the new Betty, Veronica, Archie and Jughead. Here it is! Check out a new promo video for [@CW_Riverdale], premiering Jan. 26 at 9/8c on [@TheCW]! [ [#Riverdale] [@kj_apa] [pic.twitter.com/puvbNcCnQ1] — Archie Comics (@ArchieComics) [November 28, 2016] So aside from being an hour-long Ralph Lauren ad, based on the above trailer, the show is going to be chalk-full of intrigue, heartache and brooding. If I were to imagine a live action version of the Archie comics I grew up with, I’d probably lean more towards Freaks and Geeks meets Saved by the Bell than Pretty Little Liars meets Twin Peaks. But this is the CW we’re talking about and a Twin Peaks version of Archie is exactly what they were going for, according to executive producer Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa. He also wrote a revamped, creepy version of the comics that this show is based on. Aguirre-Sacasa told EW that Riverdale is “[definitely Archie, but a little darker, a little more complex and a little weirder than you might remember…]” I’ll admit that I was a little sceptical that a sexy take on Archie wasn’t a horrible idea but I’ve never met a teen drama I didn’t like. And this is coming from the former showrunner of one of my all-time favourites Dawson’s Creek and the network that gave us Gossip Girl and The Vampire Diaries, two series I watched for way longer than a grown woman should have. Plus, the Archie comics are rife with great dramatic storylines. Exploring the dynamic between Betty and Veronica, beyond their cliché competition over Archie, could be a series on its own. Then there’s the openly gay character Kevin Keller, who will be represented in the series. Furthermore, along with Camilla Mendes’s Veronica, there are other Archie characters of colour who could pop up to [add some diversity to the cast]. There’s the comics’ OG black character Chuck Clayton, Valerie Brown of Josie and the Pussycats (so far, we only know for sure that Josie will be in Riverdale) and newer characters Raj Patel, Kimiko and Tomoko. Oh, and apparently, Archie [has a secret fling with Miss Grundy]! WHAT. Guys, I can’t wait for Sexy Archie. Riverdale premieres Thursday, Jan. 26 at 9 p.m. on The CW. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 4:02 PM [Leonardo DiCaprio and a plane full of women] [Leonardo DiCaprio/Victoria's Secret models] The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is tonight in Paris. This is when someone typically makes a [Leonardo DiCaprio] joke. [Erin Foster]’s come up with the best one so far. Erin is David Foster’s daughter. She and her sister were on a show called Barely Famous. Erin and Sara hang with a lot of famous people. They’re close with people like Kate Hudson and Courteney Cox, and [Jennifer Meyer], Tobey Maguire’s ex-wife, is a good friend too. So check what Erin posted on Instagram: [Raise your hand if you've told Leo you're on the pill.] A photo posted by Erin Foster (@erinfoster) on Nov 28, 2016 at 5:04pm PST And check out who liked it: A reader called Sarah sent that to me. Apparently [Gwyneth] also commented with a laughing emoji and so did Jennifer Meyer. So, when they get together for their Hollywood Blondes brunches to talk sh-t about everyone else in town, they’ve all probably also talked sh-t and laugh about Leo. When does talking sh-t become really f-cking weird though? Like Bella Hadid was on that plane. Bella just turned 20, she’s right in that Leo sweet spot. Bella is also Erin Foster’s stepsister. David Foster and Bella’s mother, Yolanda, were married through Bella’s adolescence. Leo would have, literally, watched her grow up. Right now Leo’s target f-ck pool is the sister group of the Hollywood Blondes club. But in a few years? Not even that many years? It’ll be their daughters and nieces. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 3:38 PM [“Ask the LAPD”] [Leah Remini visits the SiriusXM Studio on November 29, 2016 in New York City] Earlier this month, I wrote about the trailer for [Leah Remini]’s [Scientology docuseries for A&E,] which premiered last night. For the last 3 or so years, Leah has been Scientology’s public enemy #1. That is saying a lot, because for a fairly new religion, Scientology has many enemies -- journalists, documentary film makers, and former members. Part of the reason the battle continues to rage with Leah is because they can’t shut her up; her family left with her, so they have no leverage; if they have dirt on her, it’s not enough to scare her. And most important, she is famous. Specifically, she is sitcom famous, meaning that she has been in thousands, maybe millions, of living rooms, and she’s been able to harness that familiarity into trustworthiness. Yesterday Leah participated in a [Reddit AMA] and covered a lot of the allegations that we’ve heard before from her and other ex members – the Church is exploitative and keeps members in check through various forms of intimidation, blackmail and punishment. All of the allegations are shocking, but we are shocked by the news every day. A religion that has systemic abuse in its veins isn’t the headline it was 5 years ago. I feel at this point it’s pretty much a general consensus that Scientology is batsh-t nuts. So what else is there to say, how can she get headlines? This is where Leah turns to her training, to her years of experience as a working actress, to her instinct to be public. This strategy has worked and she said in the AMA that she feels safe and protected by the “world at large”. Secrets hide in the shadows, [not on Dancing With the Stars]. Leah has knocked around Hollywood forever and knows a good angle and a great pull quote. Here’s a prime example: a Redditor asks what happened to David Miscavige’s wife and she answers, “I actually do not know. Ask the LAPD.” That is a great pull quote, right? I’ve perked up a bit. There are more gossipy nuggets throughout the AMA, like why does Scientology attract so many celebrities? Leah asserts that there are not actually a lot of famous Scientologists, but they do an excellent job of marketing themselves as the religion of Hollywood. They are like a middling local restaurant that bills themselves as “world famous.” I’ve also wondered how deeply the Church is involved in a celebrity’s career because they take credit for everything. She says she was punished for a photoshoot considered too racy/unbecoming of a Scientologist. As many users pointed out, [Tom Cruise] has had sex scenes – so who decides what is “unbecoming?” Even if they would make concessions for their ride-or-die, what about an actress like Laura Prepon, who has done partial-nude scenes on OITNB? Is it a case-by-case basis, or have they loosened up the rules in order to keep high-profile members on? (My suspicion is that a lot of it has to do with money and how much the “unbecoming” work will line the coffers.) Leah also touches on the idea of elitism, and how Scientology draws people in by making them believe they are special and the only ones who can fix the world’s problems. To do that, they must only associate with other special people (who all happen to be Scientologists). They praise exemplary members with awards and certificates in elaborate ceremonies, like getting a trophy at a school assembly. Within this group there are extra special elite people - celebrities. Celebrities love awards (even People’s Choice Awards). And what do they receive from the Church? VIP Xenu service! As Leah explains: “We had special course rooms in separate parts of the buildings. Any complaint we had about the outside world was met with agreement from the "Church." We were serviced differently, we had supervisors doing courses in our homes, giving special schedules to celebrities. Staff was interrogated by the Church. Often times there were Sea Org members working for celebrities in their homes, personally working for them. I know of one celeb who had a sea org member working in their home and sea org members were averaging $25/week. The labor laws don't apply to any church therefor they were made to work ungodly hours, forced into interrogations if making human mistakes around the celebrity.” It’s impossible to talk about Scientology without bringing up Tom Cruise – he is the Church’s world ambassador. According to her, he is considered a Messiah and believed to be “singlehandedly changing the planet.” If you don’t like Mission Impossible 25: Jack Reacher Running or whatever, you better keep it to yourself. She also brings up [Katie Holmes] in a very purposeful, if low-key, way. The question is, “Have any other actors come to you for support or help?” Leah answers, “The policy of the "Church" does not allow them to come to me. Former high ranking Sea Org members like Debbie Cook and former members like Katie Holmes are forbidden to speak to other SPs. Certain members are forced to sign agreements that does not allow them to speak to ex members.” This is not headline grabbing stuff, this is not a bombshell. But it really sums up where Tom’s thinking was at when Katie left and how he prioritized what was most important to him. It also speaks to how badly Katie wanted to get away from all of it – imagine signing away your ability to speak to certain people because your ex-husband’s religion forbids it? If that is indeed what happened, it is a frighteningly controlling tactic. Leah knows the salacious bits (read: Tom and Katie) get attention, but she also speaks about the bravery of ex-Church members and makes tangible suggestions, like calling law enforcement, judges, lawyers, council people to report Church abuse. After her tell-all book and many, many interviews, her long game is become more evident. She wants to end Scientology. To push this rock up the hill, she’s also relying on South Park, on Going Clear, and on all the batsh-t stories we’ve heard. Q: Out of all the rumours surrounding Scientology, which one is true and hits the hardest for you? Leah: I don't [know] what rumors we're referring to here. I haven't read anything that has been inaccurate. That’s quiet confidence. There have been A LOT of rumours, and many were centered around Katie/Suri/Tom; Leah would certainly be aware of the rumours and by not saying anything, she is saying everything, but subtly, also not Scientology’s strong suit. How does the Church counter? What sputtering, insult-filled statement will they come up with? What is the strategy behind closed doors? I’d hate to be David Miscavige’s assistant on any day, but today would be particularly brutal. Here's Leah promoting her show on SiriusXM in New York yesterday. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 3:01 PM Tuesday, November 29, 2016 [Smutty Social Media, November 29, 2016] [Sarah Jessica Parker at The View in New York, November 28, 2016] Mark Wahlberg has soccer mom hair. [Happy Thanksgiving to all. ❤️🦃🍂] A photo posted by Mark Wahlberg (@markwahlberg) on Nov 24, 2016 at 4:59pm PST This is a totally appropriate reaction to being on the Jumbotron. I would argue that it is the least-embarrassing reaction one could have. [This captures the awkwardness a little better lmao I didn't know what the hell to do with my face😂 @kelleybakerbrows] A video posted by Zendaya (@zendaya) on Nov 29, 2016 at 8:59am PST SJP is opening a bricks and mortar store in the new MGM National Harbour resort near Washington, DC. An interesting location choice for her first retail spot. [Today I reveal every detail of our long held secret! After many trips on @amtrak to DC, on-site construction visits, meetings on design and curating a very special collection we are opening our first standalone @sjpcollection store inside the brand new @mgmnationalharbor. The big launch is on December 8th and I'm counting down the hours, minutes and seconds until we officially open the doors. Because perhaps then I will actually believe it's real. Follow @sjpcollection to learn more over the coming weeks and months. X, Sj] A photo posted by SJP (@sarahjessicaparker) on Nov 29, 2016 at 6:07am PST Floyd Mayweather and TI are fighting again. [Gotta love these backseat drivers so worried about another man's legacy instead of trying to write their own. Ultimately, I will always have the last laugh. This is just one of my many checks, a cool $100,000,000.00 that I still have every dime of. Y'all still have to work however, I'm happily retired. At the end of the day, it's them Benjamin Franklins that matter to me, so the jokes on you. I've made smart investments, sorry for those who thought that I couldn't read, write, or count. Y'all call them watches, I call them time pieces. Y'all call them boats, I call them yachts. Y'all call them houses, I call them mansions. Y'all charter jets and we own jets. #TMT] A photo posted by Floyd Mayweather (@floydmayweather) on Nov 28, 2016 at 11:42pm PST Next gen branding: 17-year-old Brooklyn Beckham’s first book comes out in May. [The full cover of my book 'what I see' hope you like it. Link to pre order and signed copies in bio ^^] A photo posted by bb (@brooklynbeckham) on Nov 29, 2016 at 9:14am PST This Is Us meets Hamilton. [What a great time at @hamiltonmusical with my @chrishell7. Powerful performance by @michaelluwoye. So well done. WOW!! The entire cast...so special.] A photo posted by Justin Hartley (@justinhartley) on Nov 27, 2016 at 8:09am PST I love that Barbra Streisand exchanges presents with a former President, like she’s a head of state. And when she goes home, she will find a spot for her new gift [in her basement mall]. [Before the show in Houston, exchanging gifts with President George Bush and First Lady, Barbara Bush. The standing ovation they received when I introduced them from the stage was truly moving. Thank you H-Town!!] A photo posted by Barbra Streisand (@barbrastreisand) on Nov 28, 2016 at 11:11pm PST The Wolf Pack (née Pussy Posse) is meandering through Europe… think they will make their way to Paris for an early Christmas aka the Victoria’s Secret fashion show. [Linlithgow Palace, Scotland] A photo posted by lukashaas (@lukashaas) on Nov 28, 2016 at 4:00pm PST Today, Lainey wrote about [Taylor’s deal with AT&T]. Reese Witherspoon’s new company, Hello Sunshine, is also partnering with AT&T and DirecTV Now. When they inevitably run into one another, do they gossip about Jake Gyllenhaal? [So excited to partner with @att and #DirecTVNow to bring @hellosunshine's female-driven content to their customers! ☀️] A photo posted by Reese Witherspoon (@reesewitherspoon) on Nov 28, 2016 at 4:12pm PST [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 11:25 PM [CHERYL IS HAVING LIAM’s BABY] [Liam Payne and Cheryl Cole/Tweedy head to a Christmas concert in London, November 29, 2016] That’s an all-caps title because it’s an all-caps event in the life of a Directioner. Do Directioners even exist anymore? Yes, apparently, they do. At least on Twitter, where they are freaking the f-ck out. But let’s backtrack. [Liam Payne] and Cheryl (what is her last name now that she’s not married to that guy anymore, can I just say Tweedy? Or does she go down to one name? I think she wants to go to one name. But is [Cheryl Tweedy] a one-name star? I really don’t think so) Tweedy [started dating about 6 months ago]. Recently there have been all kinds of rumours that she’s pregnant. I’ve not been paying attention. It’s one of those stories that hovers in the air and you keep walking past it because…really? Cheryl’s having Liam’s baby? Well, here they are tonight in London heading to a Christmas concert. They stepped out to make a statement. The statement is pretty clear. Like this was an outing with a very specific purpose: confirmation. And this is why Directioner Twitter is losing its mind. Because they’re taking it as confirmation that, yes indeed, CHERYL IS HAVING LIAM’s BABY. That’s two 1D dads: Louis first, Liam next. And then… And then I’m going to say Louis again. Louis again before Niall, Zayn, or Harry. You? [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 11:04 PM [Privacy Policy] - [Unsubscribe]