Newsletter Monday, August 29, 2016

[LaineyGossip.com - Calling all smuthounds!] Monday, August 29, 2016 [Intro for August 29, 2016] [Beyonce's Formation at the 2016 MTV VMAs] Dear Gossips, “But for people to understand just how blessed we are. It was an expression of our now. Our fame, right now. Us on the inside of the TV…This is FAME, bro”. Duana texted me, like, 5 seconds after those words came out of [Kanye West]’s mouth last night during the VMAs: “I’m going to use that forever.” Me too. “Us on the inside of the TV.” Watching us watching them watching us. You can’t be famous without being watched. To be famous, in the “now” of Kanye West, is to not only accept that you are being watched but to actively ensure that you are being watched. Some do it better than others. The VMAs gave us so much to watch last night, so many versions of fame, so many examples of those who are watched well and those who can barely manage being watched, even if they weren’t actually there. And, of course, the best example of the one we all watch, who knows she’s always being watched, and who has risen to that expectation better than anyone else: [Beyoncé]. Beyoncé “inside of the TV” and making sure that every single moment of what we were watching was of the Beyoncé standard, right to the very end, right to final frame of her performance. More on both Beyoncé and Kanye West to come. As for the show itself? Well, it ended on the Prom Queen and King holding hands walking off the stage. So… I’m not complaining. Yours in gossip, Lainey [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 10:33 AM [Smutty Social Media, August 29, 2016] In her extremely limited time on stage last night, Rita Ora was trying the most. She was straining for a “moment” with Ansel Elgort. But do you think, being surrounded by people who actually make music and music videos people care about, Rita felt her place in the celebrity pecking order? “Vmas we did it again” - did what boo you were on stage for 10 seconds introducing Nick Jonas. [Vma's we did it again. Another year. Love you!! And @marcjacobs I live for you! F*$kin amazing!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️] A photo posted by Rita Ora (@ritaora) on Aug 28, 2016 at 7:48pm PDT Miley Cyrus skipped the VMAs for yoga and dogs (and probably some weed). Good call. [Sorry I can't make it to the VMAzzz I am toooo busy at home doing yoga & making out w my dogs! 👅💖✌️] A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on Aug 28, 2016 at 12:13pm PDT The Times published a “day in the life” story on Balthazar Getty, and I straight-up snorted when I read about his wake-up time and breakfast routine ([I won’t spoil it for you here].) It’s like everything you think of really rich people is true and I thoroughly enjoyed learning about Balthazar’s bike collection. He’s not so pleased with it though. I started working when I was 13 and supported myself and family. Btw — Balthazar Getty (@BaltGetty) [August 28, 2016] You can't believe rubbish that you read in the paper. Btw — Balthazar Getty (@BaltGetty) [August 28, 2016] JLo has never been subtle about love, or loving love, or her need to be in love. Her memoir was called True Love. Which is why I worry this isn’t the last we’ve seen of Casper Smart. [@egt239 i think this is what you meant to post... Ha. #protectyourheart #shadesofblue #setlife] A photo posted by Jennifer Lopez (@jlo) on Aug 26, 2016 at 8:13am PDT Drew is on a major fitness kick right now, it’s all over her Instagram. Cameron seems like a solid hiking/workout partner, she wouldn’t jam out because she got her period. [With #billygoatdiaz otherwise known as @camerondiaz #hikes2016 #sweatysundays] A photo posted by Drew Barrymore (@drewbarrymore) on Aug 28, 2016 at 5:25pm PDT OK this is a throwback: Melanie Griffith’s sweet 16 party. [My 16th Birthday party. With @donjohnson and the magnificent CHER!!! 😎 I'm so lucky. Life has been good to me.🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻] A photo posted by MELANIE (@melanie_griffith57) on Aug 27, 2016 at 11:57pm PDT I saw this on Kathleen’s Twitter feed and had to share it: Chance the Rapper is all of us when Beyonce crashes his interview. Chance the Rapper's Reaction to Beyoncé Crashing His VMA Interview Is the Best Thing Ever [ [pic.twitter.com/I5AnVwAaml] — Complex CA (@complex_CA) [August 29, 2016] Whenever I see a Jeremy Renner daddy/daughter post, it makes me think of this uncomfortably hilarious song from [Crazy Ex-Girlfriend]. It even works with zero context. [Behind the scenes set visit with my angel #readyforhercloseup #sharedexperiences #chatsonajetski] A photo posted by Jeremy Renner (@renner4real) on Aug 27, 2016 at 10:16pm PDT [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 7:42 PM [Taylor’s jury duty] [Taylor Swift] Taylor Swift was never scheduled to attend the VMAs as we heard last week although every self-respecting gossip was hoping for some kind of Kanye surprise. From him, totally. From her? [It was unlikely] as much as we all Genied for it. But would she cockblock the VMAs in a different way? Fly to Australia, give us some new Swoki photos, or go Swoki Instagram official? Didn’t happen. Taylor stayed quiet all night. Which is the right move. And not only was she quiet, she was also in Nashville, preparing to show up for jury duty today. Are you allowed to tweet from jury selection?!? I wouldn’t know. I have never, ever, ever in my life been invited to jury duty. This really bites my ass. Because, obviously, as a gossip columnist I am not judgmental and always fair. Anyway, here’s Taylor with her fellow jury members: How cool is this [pic.twitter.com/cIzrZBbCDB] — Tracy Bates (@TracysActivism) [August 29, 2016] Happy to take selfies with us all [pic.twitter.com/N6BetYdKHK] — Tracy Bates (@TracysActivism) [August 29, 2016] Is the dude in the blue shirt with his back against the wall a Katy Perry fan? Nah, he claps for her later: [pic.twitter.com/CNUrynsWeP] — Tracy Bates (@TracysActivism) [August 29, 2016] When asked about what she does for a living, this was Taylor’s response: Jurors are asked to explain their line of work. Taylor Swift is asked, few people chuckle at the obvious. She responds, "I'm a songwriter." — Hayley Mason (@WSMVHayleyMason) [August 29, 2016] In the end though, Taylor [was not selected]. But the asshole cynic in me is really, really curious about the convenient timing of all it. Coincidence or conspiracy? Can jury duty be deferred/rescheduled? Google [tells me it can]. You don’t think… like she wouldn’t… would she? [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 7:14 PM [Thor’s roommate Darryl] [Chris Hemsworth on the set of Thor: Ragnarok in Brisbane, August 26, 2016] At Comic-Con Marvel had several videos that played during their panel, but they only released one, a new trailer for Doctor Strange. Everything else stayed under the seal of Hall H, because it is possible to show stuff in Hall H and not have it pirated, you just have to consult with thirteen dark wizards and make a sacrifice to Black Phillip, like Marvel does under every blood moon. Among the restricted videos was the one that brought the house down, a mockumentary short by Taika Waititi, director of Thor: Ragnarok, explaining where Thor was during Captain America: Civil War. Turns out, Thor was chilling in Australia with his flatmate Darryl. He’s just hanging out, pestering his new buddy at work, volunteering with kindergarteners, getting coffee with Bruce Banner, building a conspiracy wall dedicated to the infinity stones, and roasting meat in the sun. You know, normal stuff. If you’re still on the fence about Taika Waititi, here is three and a half minutes to convince you to get off it. Done in the style of last year’s What We Do in the Shadows—Darryl is a total Stu—Civil War: Team Thor is already better than the entirety of Thor: The Dark World and most of Thor. And it’s even more evidence that Chris Hemsworth is best utilized as a comedic actor. Thor pestering Darryl at work kills me, as does the look on Darryl’s face when he’s vacuuming. Poor Darryl. Thor is a terrible roommate. Sure this video is funny, but it’s also a brilliant way to introduce Taika Waititi to the Marvel audience at large, most of whom aren’t familiar with him. (His 2010 [TEDx talk] is also worth checking out.) There’s a weird contingent of Marvel nerds worried that Waititi isn’t taking Thor seriously enough (???)—and he’s been [trolling] [them] [brilliantly]— but I think Team Thor proves what Thor, the weakest link the Marvel franchise chain, has needed all along is to be taken LESS seriously. And Team Thor asks a big, important question that could impact the future of the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe, and that is: What happens to Darryl? See what Thor was up to during [#CaptainAmericaCivilWar]! Get this & other bonus on Dig HD 9/2 [ [pic.twitter.com/M97y6CM1Mg] — Marvel Studios (@MarvelStudios) [August 28, 2016] Attached - Chris Hemsworth on the set of Thor in Australia on Friday. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 6:28 PM [Smutty Tingles] Does Christina Aguilera have a hair colour pattern too? ([Dlisted]) How Michael Phelps reacted to the mocking of Ryan Lochte ([Just Jared]) YES! ([Cele|bitchy]) Hannah Davis’s wedding band ([TooFab]) Ryan Reynolds on his bike ([Pop Sugar]) Don’t face pics come before dick pics? Why would dick pics follow this face? ([The Superficial]) Hate the hair and pants colour clash ([Hollywood Tuna]) Hailee Steinfeld in Balmain at the VMAs ([Go Fug Yourself]) I don’t think we see him the way he sees himself ([Celebuzz]) [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 5:14 PM [Rihanna & Drake after the prom] [Rihanna and Drake at Up & Down in NYC after the VMAs, August 28, 2016] Rihanna and Drake did not hit up the same after-party as the Carters after turning the VMAs into prom night. Instead they were at Up & Down, owned by Richie Akiva, a member of the Leonardo DiCaprio’s Wolf Pack, where she’s been known to hang out. [According to E! News] they got there just after 3am and stayed until after 6am and, according to an E! source, they were “holding hands when they walked in”, staying close all night. Not sure if there was any [side-kissing though]. But …this is what it is, right? Which is, as it’s always been, he comes on her call. And she’s been calling for over six months now. They shot the Work video in Toronto in early February and it was on back then. He’s joined her on tour several times through the year and she was at OVO Fest. That was the weekend, by the way, when I reported that he [took her to the aquarium] and now some people are wondering whether or not this Instagram happened that night: [This is a night for us all to be thankful for what you have done for us! You have affected so many of our lives in the best way possible. Tonight we celebrate you! @badgalriri] A photo posted by champagnepapi (@champagnepapi) on Aug 28, 2016 at 11:41pm PDT All of it, of course, is totally on brand for their relationship and their respective personalities. I’ve blogged often about when and if there would be a “right time” for them or, more specifically, when she’d finally decide it was the right time for her. Because it’s always going to be the right time for him. Drake is the rapper of feelings. Drake’s the guy who’s always on about waiting for that text, the soft and slow and sensitive jammer. It’s been part of his image all along. Whether or not he was side-kissed then actually plays right into that reputation. I mean, look at him in the car. Even in the car he’s looking at her while she’s looking straight ahead. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 5:03 PM [Jay came for dinner] [Beyonce and Jay Z have dinner together in NYC after the 2016 MTV VMAs, August 28, 2016] I mean it really shouldn’t have been a thing that [Jay Z] wasn’t with [Beyoncé] at the VMAs last night, particularly when you consider what she was communicating through [her presence and her performance]. For her, the point was Women. Still, there will be idiots looking for the gossip. I look for the gossip too. But it’s a disservice to gossip when the source is bullsh-t. Just to make sure then that her big post-VMA message was clear, Beyoncé stepped out for dinner and the after-party last night with Jay at Pasquale. The Wests were there. Diddy was there. And Alicia Keys. PS. I LOVED her red carpet dress, the drama of it. This white situation with all the sheer business? No thank you. But I did appreciate all the changes, especially DURING the performance. Like, we could have spent an entire post talking about the skill it takes in making those transitions run smoothly too. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 4:37 PM [Rihanna’s VMAs Side-Kiss & Four Performances] [Drake presents Rihanna with the The Video Vanguard Award during the 2016 MTV Video Music Awards at Madison Square Garden on August 28, 2016 in New York City] [Rihanna] had already made my weekend before she even hit the VMA stage with this Instagram: [When he extra ❤🏆!!!] A photo posted by badgalriri (@badgalriri) on Aug 26, 2016 at 3:43pm PDT If [Drake] could be summed up in one word it would be “extra.” I love this so much. It all came full circle on Sunday night when Rihanna received her Video Vanguard Award and Drake presented it to her. Rihanna would have known ahead of time that he would be presenting this award. She may have even chosen him. At the very least, she definitely approved it. She decided that Drake would be a big part of one of the greatest achievements of her career. That is not an accident. Does it mean they are madly in love and will stay together forever and ever? God, I hope so. I was actually squealing so loud during Drake’s speech last night I woke up my dog. This part "She's someone I've been in love with since I was 22 years old." [#VMAs] [ — MTV (@MTV) [August 29, 2016] “She’s someone I’ve been in love with since I was 22 years old.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!! He also recounted the first time they met in Toronto and I may have just been sentimental because I also watched Southside With You yesterday but I teared up during his story. These two. I just can’t handle them. Drake didn’t even bother to show up to accept his Best Hip-Hop Video award because of “traffic.” He only showed up for Rihanna. In a tux! THESE TWO. But what most people are talking about today is the moment Drake handed Rihanna her award and leaned in for a kiss. Ri turned slightly to her side. Drake went ALL IN, as he does. The result: Rihanna puts Drake in the friend zone on live TV [#VMAs] [pic.twitter.com/ZCRkMNnb2x] — Mashable GIF (@mashablegif) [August 29, 2016] #Sidekiss was trending on Twitter. The consensus is that Rihanna wasn’t feeling it as much as Drake. I disagree. Again, she let him present that award to her. I’m sure she’s made Drake WORK (pun intended) for it but I think these two crazy kids might actually stay together this time. He’s her Jay. She’s his Beyoncé. I’m obsessed. Drake and Rihanna may be sharing headlines today but Drake made sure the spotlight was still on Rihanna last night. He was gracious and concise. He didn’t propose (did y’all actually think the man was going to propose!? At the VMAs!? Please.) Remember, Drake and Rihanna have collaborated on some of the biggest hits of each of their careers. Aside from their romantic situation (!!!!), it actually makes sense musically why Drake would be there to share in Rihanna’s glory, which is why some people thought he would make a surprise appearance in one of her performances. He didn’t. And I’m glad he didn’t. As much as I love them together, last night was not about Drake. It was about celebrating Rihanna and her 2016 Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award. Rihanna performed FOUR times throughout the night. First, she started with two big tunes, We Found Love and Where Have You Been. I was feeling this performance for how much Rihanna was feeling herself. Rihanna’s strength as a performer is 70 per cent swagger. Her outfits were ON POINT and she always makes everything look effortless. Those moves take a lot of effort. Trust me, I’ve tried them. Her second performance was my personal favourite. She turned MSG into a dancehall party and it actually translated on screen to look like everyone was actually having fun, at a party. Her third and shakiest performance consisted of Needed Me and Bitch Better Have My Money. Her vocals were weak, like cringeworthy weak. Plus, this was her first performance after Beyoncé. I really don’t like comparing Rihanna and Beyoncé because I think they are two completely different artists BUT after what Bey did on that stage, you have to bring your best. That was not Ri’s best. I had completely forgotten about it though by the time her last performance rolled around and she KILLED her ballads Stay, Diamonds, and Love on the Brain. And then Drake came out and I completely forgot everything that had happened in my life up until that moment. But one thing I don’t want to get lost in the Drake frenzy is Rihanna’s acceptance speech because it was actually pretty great and another nod to the real stars of the VMAs: black women. “My success, it started as my dream, but now my success is not my own—it’s my family’s, it’s my fans’, it’s the Caribbean as a whole, it’s women, it’s black women. – I have to thank you guys for supporting me over and over." She may not have given this guy a proper thank you but he doesn’t care. This is what Drake Instagrammed last night after the show: [This is a night for us all to be thankful for what you have done for us! You have affected so many of our lives in the best way possible. Tonight we celebrate you! @badgalriri] A photo posted by champagnepapi (@champagnepapi) on Aug 28, 2016 at 11:41pm PDT Is that another side kiss? THESE TWO. All of Rihanna’s VMA performances below. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 3:34 PM [Beyoncé spent the money] [Beyonce attends the 2016 MTV Video Music Awards at Madison Square Garden on August 28, 2016 in New York City] Where do you start? Where do you start?!? It was always a given that [Beyoncé], with 11 nominations, would be attending the VMAs. They only confirmed that she would be performing the day before as[the LA Times] reported that “secret rehearsals” were taking place. And then everyone was calling it a “surprise”. The thing with the word “surprise” is that it can be assumed to be “last minute”. And nothing, f-cking nothing, about Beyoncé’s performance was “last minute”. That stage? THEY BUILT IT FOR HER. Just her. That was a stage designed for Lemonade, for half the album, Lemonade, and all the other artists showed up and were told that this was the stage they had to work with it. So, maybe, it was a surprise for them? But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Let’s go back to the beginning. Beyoncé arrives with the Blue Ivy Carter, making her third appearance at the VMAs: [#BlueIvyMusicAwards 💙 #vma #vmas #beyonce #blueivy #vma2016] A photo posted by Beyoncé "Formation 👑 🐝 (@queen_diva_yonce) on Aug 28, 2016 at 6:26pm PDT So, when they say she’s a boss, it’s not a lie. This child has come and conquered the Video Music Awards THREE TIMES. She’s 4 years old! After escorting Blue to her private deluxe personal dressing room, Beyoncé then poses on the red carpet with the women of Formation, including Wanda Johnson, Gwen Carr, Sybrina Fulton, and Lesley-McSpadden-Head, the mothers of Oscar Grant, Eric Garner, Trayvon Martin, and Michael Brown. Jay-Z was not seen, not because the Carters are in crisis (she thanked him on stage during one of her acceptances) but because last night was a celebration of Lemonade, and Lemonade is a celebration of WOMEN. And this is what that entire performance was all about – the struggle of women, the strength of women, the power of women. That moment at the beginning, with all of those women in spotlight? And one by one they crumble in a pool of red light? These are the fallen women Beyoncé carries with her as she steps forward, trailed by a man wearing a hoodie who eventually lifts her up to the next stage. Throughout it all, five songs in total, women are shown in various demonstrations of solidarity and support. They hold hands, they embrace, they fight alongside their sisters, and then, in conclusion, all the dancers end up leaning against each other, knees to back, back to knees – a literal physical manifestation of “having each other’s backs” – to create a giant symbol by woman of WOMAN. And she closes on the symbol for WOMAN. [#Beyonce] [#VMAs] [pic.twitter.com/3DVAlKQKYp] — Elaine L. (@LaineyGossip) [August 29, 2016] It was breathtaking. It was exhilarating. It was everything. All that symbolism can’t happen if it’s not properly executed though. While the rest of the show was a jumble of missed cues and sh-tty stage production, did you notice that Beyoncé’s 16 minute set was totally flawless? She didn’t just spend the money for stage design, she spent all the money on everything else. Every camera hit every mark at exactly the right time. Even the force with which she swung at the camera with Hot Sauce, the bat, was delivered so precisely so as to crack the lens without breaking the device so as to render it useless. And then, the bat landed perfectly in position: . [@Beyonce] could literally hit me with a bat and I'd say thanks [pic.twitter.com/uZdjjgsg8H] — Adam Bomb™ (@adambombshow) [August 29, 2016] This level of excellence is not the MTV standard. The VMAs are known for its “fly by the seat of our pants” approach to event television. That’s been the appeal of the VMA brand for a long time. Leave the polish to the Grammys, we’re the crazy cool kids who indulge in the spectacle of the mess. Beyoncé, however, is not messy. To get Beyoncé to come, she basically told them that they would build her the stage and give her the cameras and, knowing her, she probably came with her own crew, from lighting to cinematography, as in “stand down, I can take it from here”. Is it worth it? Well, did you see it? If you saw it, you know there’s only one answer to that question. F-CK YES, it’s worth it. For her it had to be worth it. Because she was performing for a message that’s even bigger than she is. The last time Beyoncé performed at the VMAs was in 2014, to receive her Vanguard Award. You’ll recall, this was one of the highlights: Two years later she returned with an even more potent expansion on that theme: the physical embodiment of Feminism in Formation. So, again, yeah, F-CK YEAH, it’s worth it. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 3:01 PM [Kanye West, Thought Leader] [Kanye West onstage during the 2016 MTV Video Music Awards at Madison Square Garden on August 28, 2016 in New York City] If you didn’t know Teyana Taylor before last night, now you know. I’m starting with Teyana because the VMAs belonged to black women. [Kanye]’s free-reign speech was Peak Kanye but the video he debuted for Fade was ALL Teyana. Goddamn. A refresher on Teyana’s credentials before we get to her scene-stealing body: Teyana is signed to Kanye’s G.O.O.D music label and was a prominent feature on the label’s compilation album Cruel Summer. She also sang on My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. She’s been around but starting today, she’s probably going to be around a lot more. This video. That body. GODDAMN. The video is a nod to Flashdance and features Teyana channelling Jennifer Beals while wearing a lot less. It takes a turn when her HOT fiancé and NBA star Iman Shumpert shows up and Teyana’s face is revealed as a lion face? A cat face? What does it all mean? I don’t know. NO ONE KNOWS. (You can stream the video in its entirety on TIDAL.) Speaking of not knowing what things mean, let’s get back to Kanye’s speech. Oh, Kanye. In the VMA pre-show, 2 Chainz said in his interview that Kanye would not have a script. Yeah, we could tell. Most of the time, when Kanye does stuff like this, I wonder what speech we would have heard if he had just written some stuff down and edited it, if he had just made some sense of his stream of consciousness, figured out what he wanted to say and then delivered it. I understand that if he did that, he wouldn’t be Kanye but sometimes, I just wish he would use his platform a little more wisely. Don’t get me wrong; I loved every moment of this. I could watch Kanye speak for hours but part of what comes with being a fan of ‘Ye is the exhaustion of defending him and of trying to decode what he meant to say. Just say it Kanye! Watch the speech below if you missed it last night. Let’s break down some of the highlights of his 6 minutes and 48 seconds: “I am Kanye West. And that feels really good to say, especially this year. I came here to present my new video. But before I do that, Imma talk.” I actually loved this opening. In the past, it hasn’t been great to be Kanye West. He has been Public Enemy #1 but right now, thanks in part to his wife and Receipts Week, Kanye’s stock seems to be holding steady. If you stay away from comments sections, that is. At times, the speech was close to great. What Kanye said about fame was valid. What he said about young men dealing with violence in Chicago was bordering on brilliant. But, he stumbled a bit when he mentioned [Taylor] (I called her!), he shouted out [Amber] (I see you, Amber!) a bit randomly and he, once again, put his name among rich white men some would say do not deserve to be praised or admired, especially right after the mention of the murder rate in Chicago. “Truman, Ford, Hughes, Disney, Jobs. West.” It’s unclear whether he meant Harry S. Truman, the 33rd president of the United States, or Truman Capote and in the latter case, he should have just said Capote, right? Oh, Kanye. To me, Kanye is just searching for role models in the richest people he can think of. Kanye has always aspired to greatness. In his eyes, those five men epitomize success and greatness in America. He can aspire to be as rich as them all he wants. Let him live. What I want Kanye to do is understand his influence and harness some of his creative energy into a speech that doesn’t leave us wanting more. “I’m standing in front of the future, Chance the Rapper. 2 Chainz, Jaden Smith. Bro, we are undeniably the influence, the thought leaders." He’s right. Whether people want to believe it or not, these rappers and Jaden Smith are influencers and they are “thought leaders” of the next generation. With all that influence, would it kill Kanye to take some notes next time? [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 1:02 PM [The placement of Britney Spears] [Britney Spears performs onstage with G-Eazy during the 2016 MTV Music Video Awards at Madison Square Gareden on August 28, 2016 in New York City] How do we properly assess the performance of [Britney Spears] last night? Knowing what she’s gone through, is it the gentle approach? Do we make an exception on standard and collectively agree that it was a decent return to the VMAs? It was a decent return to the VMAs. And she looked terrific on the red carpet in that black dress, really fit and extensions in good shape as well. But now I’m focusing on the physical before the creative. Which is problematic too. It’s just that if we are to actually assess Britney’s performance by what her peers are bringing to the industry and manifesting on stage, being that Britney is, after all, a previous recipient of the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award, shouldn’t our expectations be higher? Otherwise, why wouldn’t we just watch Fifth Harmony? No disrespect to Fifth Harmony. They’re at the beginning of their careers. And, to be honest, that’s where Britney’s level of artistry is now – in measure with a musical act that started out on a talent show that she judged. So this is not just about the lip-synching; live singing has never been part of her arsenal. It’s also not just about the fact that MTV scheduled her immediately after [Beyoncé] which so many people are calling unfair. I mean…yeah… it wasn’t the ideal placement, for sure. But MTV didn’t choreograph that number. MTV didn’t decide that it would be shadow hand puppets. HAND PUPPETS!!! MTV didn’t design that horribly low rent yellow costume. Those boots, God, they made me so sad. MTV is not responsible for those boots. Nor is MTV responsible for the tired, unimaginative choreography. Yes, she hit most of her moves. But for most artists, that’s the bare minimum. And this brings us back to the original question: Do we judge Britney on a bare minimum now or do we aim for more? More for me isn’t even about the dancing. Look at [Rihanna]. It’s not like Rihanna’s choreography is all that special. In fact, it’s pretty forgettable. The difference between Rihanna and Britney, though, is the primal energy. There’s a rawness in Rihanna’s presentation that has characterised her entire career. She’s pure spontaneity to Beyoncé’s total control, and nothing feels missing in either option, because each artist, in her own individual way, is connecting with her material. With Britney, there’s always a gap that’s left behind when she performs now, not just a gap between her and us but a gap between her and her art. In the before times, when Britney was on stage, that space wasn’t there. It’s what made her so electrifying and it’s what has sustained us all these years – we have lived on that specific, lighting special spirit of Britney for almost 20 years. But for how much longer? [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 12:36 PM [Nick Jonas’s Bacon] [Nick Jonas performs onstage during the 2016 MTV Video Music Awards at Madison Square Garden on August 28, 2016 in New York City] That’s not a euphemism. [Nick Jonas] performed a song called Bacon last night at the VMAs. His performance opened with him in a kitchen, holding a fresh plate of bacon. This is how most of my daydreams about Nick also open. The performance went downhill from there. Nick goes from the kitchen to a diner straight out of a budget high-school production of Grease: Live. Fittingly, DNCE, who played Johnny Casino and the Gamblers in the actual Grease: Live, made a cameo in this performance as Joe Jonas attempted to steal some of his little brother’s air time. Nick and DNCE take a selfie with some other “famous” people but I don’t know who any of them are because, like the VMAs kept reminding me last night, I’M GETTING OLD. At some point Nick flirts with Ashley Graham (I know her!). Then, all of a sudden, the Rydell High rip-off diner turns into the white summer camp version of Rihanna’s party performance as everyone pretends to be having the time of their lives while Nick does some choreography on a table. Have I mentioned that Nick is wearing the BEST leather varsity tracksuit and I want it in my life? I need it in my life. Anyway, how do we get rid of Ty Dolla Sign? The performance transitioned from the diner to the streets of New York where Ty Dolla Sign made me realize he’s the perfect match for Rita Ora. They are both so unnecessary. Nick Jonas closed out his performance on the top of a fire truck. That’s how most of my daydreams about Nick also close. Here’s the full performance: [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 12:08 PM [I Can’t No Pastries] [Ariana Grande performs onstage during the 2016 MTV Video Music Awards at Madison Square Garden on August 28, 2016 in New York City] Next week will be two years since we lost Joan Rivers. And it’s true, that you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone. Because the Joan Rivers random amazingness on a red carpet can never be replaced. Sometimes during an interview, she straight up forgot who she was talking to, not because she wasn’t sharp but because they weren’t interesting enough for her to remember. The reason Joan could be so irreverent was because she was JOAN RIVERS. The rest of us are too busy clinging to our jobs. You need someone with no f-cks to give. And Charlamagne Tha God? He has said in the past that [Joan’s been an inspiration]. Also Howard Stern. Well, he certainly lived up to it when he [interviewed I Can’t Ariana Grande] during the pre-show last night. This is the moment that made me hope for Charlamagne at the Golden Globes, at the Grammys, at the Oscars: No pastries! NO PASTRIES! Charlamagne then went on to tease her about her new boyfriend, Mac Miller, while calling out the fact that he probably wasn’t supposed to mention her new boyfriend but he did it anyway. God that was satisfying. And it almost made it endurable. Almost. What? All of it. That f-cking hair. That outfit which is NOT AN OUTFIT. That expression. That animé face. THAT BROTHER. And whatever it is you call this new pose: [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 11:20 AM [Alessia Cara is cooler than all of us] [Alessia Cara attends the 2016 MTV Video Music Awards at Madison Square Garden on August 28, 2016 in New York City] [Alessia Cara] is 20 years old. She’s 20 years old and she already oozes so much confidence and charisma it’s unfair. It’s unfair to her peers (she’s so real she makes Ariana Grande look like a Madame Tussauds wax figure) and it’s unfair to us grown ass adults who will never be as cool as she is. If you watched the VMA pre-show last night, you watched Alessia open the show with a stellar performance of her second hit song Wild Things. Alessia Cara from Brampton, Ontario opened the VMAs! Alessa sometimes gets some flack, especially on Twitter, for looking “like she just rolled out of bed.” To me she looks like she’s daring to be unapologetically herself. I loved her look last night. She looked relaxed in two-tone skinnies, a white tee, military jacket, sneakers and no makeup like she was the coolest girl in class headed to Psych 101. Like Alicia Keys, Alessia is purposefully embracing a more natural barefaced look to make a statement. She is so cool. Alessia was just up there on the VMA stage, singing and strutting around like it ain’t no thing. I’ve followed her career closely and worked with her a few times and I will tell you that Alessia Cara is the exact same down-to-earth girl from Brampton to every single person she meets. That translates into the authenticity we see on stage. And that voice? Can we talk about that voice? It’s flawless. The only part of Alessia’s performance I didn’t like is that she had to share the stage with Troye Sivan, the first of many artists to make me feel old AF last night. I don’t know his songs. I don’t know why Alessia had to share her moment with him, during her performance and again while she was presenting. I only know that the song they sang together is his and it’s called “Wild” because Google told me so. I also learned that he’s an openly gay singer-songwriter from South Africa who got his start on YouTube. Seems like a nice kid. No disrespect to Troye but I would have loved to see Alessia up there on her own, killing that performance and capping off an incredible year. VMA pre-show host Charlamagne Tha God mispronounced Alessia Cara’s name during her introduction but corrected himself by the end of the night. After last night, there will still be a lot of people who don’t know Alessia’s name but there sure are a lot more who do. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 10:55 AM [August 29, 2016 – Smutty Shout-Outs] [Nat and Jordy] For Jordy, aka my office roommate, aka the Key Makeup Artist for the Best Hip Hop Video at the VMAs – CONGRATULATIONS homie! Jordy is Key Hair on The Social and she and Nat, our Key Makeup Artist, worked on the Hotline Bling video last year in Toronto. Follow Jordy on Instagram [here] and Nat [here]. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 10:39 AM [Privacy Policy] - [Unsubscribe]