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kingsofconversion.com
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robert@kingsofconversion.com
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Sun, Nov 28, 2021 02:45 PM
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I'm back with more headline writing secrets and critiques of headlines on famous websites! NOTE: The
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I'm back with more headline writing secrets and critiques of headlines on famous websites! NOTE: These are COMPLETELY unsolicited critiques. And my goal with sharing them is that youâll see some fun before-and-afters and quick tips to improve your own writing process. So the next time you approach a headline you'll feel better prepared to craft something that converts. 1. Remember, The "Everything" and "It" Principle After you've seen a few of these rewrites, you can probably tell that I'm practically allergic to generalities in headlines. And this one from HoneyBook practically wins all the awards for how to be so, so vague in your headline. It says, "everything your business needs to get it done." My reaction (almost immediately) was "Really, it's 'everything' your business needs?" I might have let that pass. But then, what's this "it" they speak of? Seriously, what does "get it done" mean in this instance? As someone who's sent a lot of invoices and actually uses their competitor (Quickbooks), I'm just confused what they even mean all around. So I rewrote the headline to try and give life to these generalities by being specific. It's not a tool for "everything" in your business (it can't build landing pages). But when it comes to invoicing, it's got you covered end to end. SO SAY THAT! I also tried to give personality and benefit to the subhead by tapping into a core challenge of their target market. Often, this tool is used by freelancers or small business owners who are wearing tons of hats in the business (the CFO, CMO and the CEO). And the thought of needing 5 different logins and tools when you can just use one (Honeybook) is daunting. Tip: Any time you have the chance to remove the words "everything" or "it" from a headline with the words you actually mean, your headline will generally be stronger. 2. Don't be afraid to challenge your reader (it wakes them up!) Here's a fun fact you might not know about me... I'm OBSESSED with hot sauce. Like I can take levels of heat that would make you question my sanity. For real. I treat cayenne pepper like it's salt. And I once ate a drop of hot sauce so hot that it made my friend faint while I didn't even break a sweat. Yah, it's that intense. So naturally my GF gave me a subscription to a hot sauce box last Christmas (to keep up with my never-ending desire to fill our pantry with this stuff). And it's actually kind of amazing. (If you see this, thank you boo!!) I love it because they send you small batch bottles from tiny little home-based businesses. It's cool to support small business. But also because a lot of these people aren't selling into grocery stores, they don't need mass appealing flavors. Which means they can REALLY bring the heat. 5 of my favorite sauces of all time came from this company. But today I was on their website and blown away by how boring the copy was. It reads: "Hot sauce. Delivered to your doorstep." My reaction: "WOOOOOWWWW! I totally wouldn't expect that from a hot sauce delivery company. I would have thought I placed an order and then got a phone call from Jim and went to pick it up at his house. How amazing they send it straight to your door!??" NOT! "Delivery" and "hot sauce" are table stakes for the company and yet they thought it was headline-worthy. So I rewrote the copy to tap into what I believe is a core desire of hot sauce lovers: to put their taste buds to the test and find out if they can really handle the heat. Sometimes, products give customers a sense of satisfaction when they're able to try it and complete it. In that case, challenging your reader can be way more engaging copy to put on the page. Why put your reader to sleep when you can engage them? 3. Understand what your customer is *really* buying when they shop with you Recently, my GF and I went on a plant buying spee. We LOVE the pop of color plants give our apartment. While shopping, we also grabbed some of these plant stands from Fox & Fern to add another cool look to the pots. Personally, I think they look AWESOME! But it kind of shocked me how bad the headline on this company's site was. "Each home tells a story, let's give it a boost." If you told me this was the copy for a home construction company, I would believe you. But it's not. It's supposed to be the headline for company selling mid-century plant stands... on the cheap! You can get them on Amazon for less than $40 (with 2-day shipping). So why not say that in your headline? Yes, I know they probably had some branding meeting that told them, "We are a lifestyle design company. We don't sell planter stands. We sell a story inside people's homes." But you know what? Sometimes, you gotta give people what they want. And it ain't a boost to their home's story. It's a mid-century look on a budget. So write your copy accordingly. ****************** Well, thatâs 3 more completely unsolicited copy rewrites of websites Iâve been to recently. Would they do better? I think so. Hit reply and share your thoughts! Iâd love to discuss this with you. Rob "Please Someone Rewrite This" Allen P.S. Enjoy these headline rewrites? Don't forge there's 17 more in your headline ebook (the one you downloaded when you opted in). Want to watch 50 marketing experts share all their Black Friday secrets for free? [Get your FREE ticket to The Black Friday Summit here]( Want to invest in your copywriting education? [Check out resources on email marketing, copywriting services, client tips and more.]( Looking for something to watch?
[Watch hours of impactful copywriting training on my YouTube channel.]( Are we connected on Twitter? [Follow me here!]( No longer want to receive these emails? [Unsubscribe](.
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