How most people ruin conversations (and how to fix it)

In my early 20s, I could’ve given a masterclass on how to be insecure and To view this email as a web page, [click here]() {NAME}, In my early 20s, I could’ve given a masterclass on how to be insecure and socially awkward. Exhibit A… I was once at a wedding, standing in a group of five people. We were all talking and I started asking one of the people a few questions. And then a few more. It went something like this: “What do you do? “Where are you from?” “Do you like it?” “What brought you here?” “Do you like this wine?” “Do you work out?” “What IS your workout?” After a couple of minutes, you could feel the energy suck out of the group. It was like a cosmic vacuum. People started shifting uneasily on their feet … looking in different directions … and moving their glass from one hand to the other. Finally, one guy turned to me and said, "Damn, are you practicing to be an interrogator?" Oops. * * * This week, we’ve talked about how you can finally take control of your money. But getting your money in order (and aligned with your Rich Life goals) is just as important as being able to truly enjoy your Rich Life. Every aspect of it, including your social life. [Ramit, family, and friends] For my birthday last year, I invited a bunch of friends and family to 4 days in Mexico. It was amazing. Quality time with friends and family is a big part of my Rich Life. My social life is really important to me. It probably is for you, too. We ALL want to connect with others, to make new friends, to be able to make the people around us smile and remember us. Today and tomorrow, we're going to talk about how to talk to anybody — smoothly, comfortably, even if you've felt awkward or weird talking to people before. * * * Let’s start with what I did wrong at the wedding. Can you spot it? I was asking question after question, thinking I was being polite, but I didn't know something critical. ASKING TOO MANY QUESTIONS IS JUST AS BAD AS NOT ASKING ANY! You'll notice that novices often pepper people with questions, making it feel like an interrogation (something I was guilty of for a long time). I call this TMQ Syndrome: Too Many Questions. - BAD advice: Ask questions all day long! This is intrusive and off-putting. - GOOD advice: Add value by asking questions — but also sharing something about yourself. That's how you have a balanced conversation, not a monologue or interrogation. This is a truth nobody tells you about mastering conversational skills. Sharing your opinion is how you "carry" your side of the conversation and give them a chance to learn about you. If you've ever wanted to stop being awkward and be able to talk to anybody … The first thing to do is NEVER EVER look at 99% of the advice about mastering your conversational skills unless you want to embarrass yourself. Like this example: [Meme] Barf. It's funny how we think that people should just love us for who we are. WRONG. You could be the greatest, sweetest, most amazing person … but it’s YOUR responsibility to communicate that. If you can’t, you lose. "But Ramit," whiners say, "you're telling me to TRICK people. Ugh! That's so dishonest! They should see me for who I am. I shouldn't have to change." Real talk: It's not shallow to improve your presentation. In cooking competitions, presentation is half the grade. And if you're honest with yourself, you judge other people for how they look and how they make you feel, so why wouldn't you expect others to do the same? It’s one of the reasons why I’m intentional with what I wear. Clothes communicate who you are before you ever say a word. This is why I paid out of pocket for the majority of my wardrobe for “How to Get Rich” on Netflix. (The wardrobe allowance I originally requested wasn’t approved.) I knew that my appearance would send a message about who I was. I wanted to steer clear of the typical “guy who talks about money” image… which to me looks like an insurance salesman in a poorly fitting suit. That’s not me, and that’s not my image. [Ramit] I worked with my personal stylist, Cassandra from [Next Level Wardrobe](), to put together outfits for Netflix such as this one. It’s an approachable but polished outfit. Not an ugly suit that doesn’t fit me and makes me look like a 17-year-old at prom. You might not be preparing to go on a show in front of 220 million people, but you WILL continue to interact with hundreds and hundreds of people throughout your life. The way you present yourself (yes, that includes your communication) will play a major role in how your social interactions go… and what becomes of them. While some people are naturally more friendly, approachable, or comfortable in a crowd, social skills are just that — skills. Like shooting a basketball, playing the violin, or baking the perfect cherry pie — with practice, anyone can improve. Nobody knows this better than me. Smooth, debonair, and graceful were NOT words used to describe me in my 20s. Anytime I spoke to someone new, my palms would sweat and I’d be desperately searching for the exit. I hated feeling that way and knew that if I didn’t change something, life would pass me by. So I started collecting tools that would help me break out of my shell a little at a time. One tool that really helped me was something I call the Question Toolbox. The concept is simple. I would jot down great questions that I’d hear others use in social situations — questions that started conversations, rather than the tortuous, cringey carnage my interrogations were bringing. Being a systems nerd, I categorized them for different scenarios and different settings so I’d always be prepared no matter what situation I found myself in. Like a cheat code for social skills. For example, here are a few of my favorite icebreakers you can try next time you get stuck: [Icebreakers] Since I started using the Question Toolbox, I’ve found social gatherings more enjoyable — fun even! By keeping a few of these in your figurative back pocket, you’ll never run out of things to say and will always feel like you’re in control. No more sweaty palms and planning your escape route. And that’s just one tool of the dozens I’ve collected. If you’d like access to all the tips, tricks, and reliable strategies I’ve learned over the years, check out my social skills course, [How to Talk to Anybody](). You’ll discover the exact methods that have helped me (and thousands of others) go from awkward and antisocial to being able to work any room with class, comfort, and confidence. This works in-person and online. Look, {NAME}, social situations don’t have to be scary. And learning how to be more likeable isn’t as hard as you might think. Inside [How to Talk to Anybody](), you’ll find easy, low-risk ways to progress as fast as you’re comfortable. Before long, you’ll be looking for social opportunities to show off your brand new set of skills. Don’t make the same mistake I did and watch another minute of life pass you by. You owe it to yourself to at least check it out. You have nothing to lose and a wide world of possibility to gain. [Here’s the link again](). [Signature] P.S. The course includes the exact words, body language, and even subtle “connection strategies” to use to connect with anyone. [Click here to see what’s inside How to Talk to Anybody](). Featured Products [Learn how to be your own boss, do what you love, and earn more.]() [What if you woke up EXCITED to go to work? I show you how to achieve it, step by step.]() [Ready-to-use mental frameworks for increased happiness, confidence, & success.]() [No guilt, no excuses, no BS. Just a 6-week program that works. Over 1,000,000 copies sold.]() The I Will Teach You To Be Rich Podcast Raw, unfiltered conversations with real couples: - One partner is $300,000 in debt, but shrugs it off. The other cries at night, anxious about the future. - A couple that’s so worried about money, they feel like they’ll never have enough. They go to a restaurant and order chicken instead of steak to save $10. Their household income: $600,000. - Two parents who feel overwhelmed by work, kids, and debt. When I ask them how they’d describe their lives, they instantly say the same word: “Stuck. ” Listen in to hear real money conversations from behind closed doors today. [Apple Podcasts] [Apple]() [Spotify]() [Google]() [IWT]() Follow Ramit: [insta]() [Twitter]() [twitter]() [youtube]() [Linkedin]() Was this forwarded to you? [Sign up here.]() This email was sent to {EMAIL}. If you no longer wish to receive these emails you may [unsubscribe]( at any time. 548 Market St #89946 San Francisco, CA 94104-5401