The truth behind great conversations: What nobody tells you

In my early 20s, I could’ve given a masterclass on how to be insecure and socially awkward. [Rich Life Insiders Banner](113/d586LZ04/VVp5Sw8FHD4gW8c3h_H4hLXV-W2K0rfL5cs8s_N8fXWBR3qn9gW7Y8-PT6lZ3pYW6Zr9tq57QwMKW3ybyW-7s-3wwW1YSSw36Rh5GsW81rJN25yWC2zW5B1-5M1YFrn8W3Vy9Nj3TK5jPW6-rQk-4HKF6XW4Sqb9v1xXBxlW3PMBjF91wV2XW96nW_y191fxwW7ndkZC7rYwPmW3F4SnW5MtgjhW6RpL5R4mH8fLV1MGKy8M_RwmVy21YN3qk8r0W3pqfpf3jZZrCW5nnvfX307pPJN1nhVPtWWyq8N4YF8mfsgNmxW5Wx7rB8XB-6qW6C58JC16dyFmVzHB-l5rn2qLW5jHhRR4H3nYZW4jMb7_4TPQTKW6YvFkV8fy__jVYYVZY30L783f8h22DF04) {NAME}, In my early 20s, I could’ve given a masterclass on how to be insecure and socially awkward. Exhibit A: I was once at a wedding, standing in a group of five people. We were all talking, and I started asking one of the people a few questions. And then a few more. It went something like this: “What do you do?” “Where are you from?” “Do you like it?” “What brought you here?” “Do you like this wine?” “Do you work out?” “What IS your workout?” After a couple of minutes, you could feel the energy suck out of the group. It was like a cosmic vacuum. People started shifting uneasily on their feet…looking in different directions…and moving their glass from one hand to the other. Finally, one guy turned to me and said, “Damn, are you practicing to be an interrogator?” Oops. [Ramit head shake gif] Wasn't exactly the reaction I was hoping for. This week, we’ve been talking about how you can finally take control of your money. But getting your money in order — and aligned with your Rich Life goals — is just as important as being able to truly enjoy your Rich Life. Every aspect of it…including your social life. [Ramit with family and friends in Mexico] For my birthday last year, I invited a bunch of friends and family to 4 days in Mexico. My social life is really important to me. It probably is for you, too. This seems polite, but it’s a conversation killer We ALL want to connect with others, make new friends, and make the people around us smile and remember us. So today and tomorrow, I’m going to talk about how to talk to anybody — smoothly, comfortably, even if you’ve felt awkward or weird talking to people before. Let’s start with what I did wrong at the wedding. Can you spot it? I was asking question after question, thinking I was being polite. BUT ASKING TOO MANY QUESTIONS IS JUST AS BAD AS NOT ASKING ANY! You'll notice that novices often pepper people with questions, making it feel like an interrogation (something I was guilty of for a long time). I call this TMQ Syndrome: Too Many Questions. - BAD advice: “Ask questions all day long!” This is intrusive and off-putting. - GOOD advice: To add value, ask questions — but also share something about yourself. That’s how you have a balanced conversation, not a monologue or interrogation. This is a truth nobody tells you about mastering conversational skills! You WANT to share your opinion, it’s how you “carry” your side of the conversation and give people a chance to learn about you. Why presenting yourself well isn’t shallow If you want to stop being awkward and be able to talk to anybody… The first thing to do is NEVER EVER look at 99% of the advice about mastering your conversational skills. Like this example: Oh boy. You could be the greatest, sweetest, most amazing person…but it’s YOUR responsibility to communicate that. If you can’t, you lose. “But Ramit,” you might say. “You’re telling me to TRICK people. Ugh! That’s so dishonest! They should see me for who I am. I shouldn’t have to change.” Real talk: It’s not shallow to improve your presentation. In cooking competitions, presentation is half the grade! And if you're honest with yourself, you judge other people for how they look and how they make you feel. Why wouldn’t you expect others to do the same? It’s one of the reasons why I’m intentional with what I wear. Clothes communicate who you are before you ever say a word. This is why I cared so much about my wardrobe for “[How to Get Rich](113/d586LZ04/VVp5Sw8FHD4gW8c3h_H4hLXV-W2K0rfL5cs8s_N8fXWBR3qn9gW7Y8-PT6lZ3n0W3jgvFz64FcvVW7YkJ9d1php-yN2x72FwD8bShW6BtMyM9jwy47N5d4Rz4ZRgwpW8BzXpm2Vbz_yVrdZsB711S3BW7hrgV64X2DBVW5jDdXC5QWts-W8fLS9G8jjk2SN4_yL3K5PdC8W6nCQfy73nr-6W7LXm6J1TWqtPW5nx03s3H_wLCVGCJ3429YFczW2VYGhW2HntVnW3h-9wT3rJYH8W5NFq2h96LkR_W9cpZWr5cztkpW1nwzJf3RqBlqW5qCy3c7KW0dFW7Sr6fB5VF4R0W8sdfvK2CG0T9W7T17KY90nqShVQ-G1w9kkJNYW8qDx2Y2S6ffrdmhG8d04)” on Netflix. I knew that my appearance would send a message about who I was. I wanted to steer clear of the typical “guy who talks about money” image… Which to me, looks like an insurance salesman in a poorly fitting suit. That’s not me, and that’s not my image. [Ramit on set](113/d586LZ04/VVp5Sw8FHD4gW8c3h_H4hLXV-W2K0rfL5cs8s_N8fXWBR3qn9gW7Y8-PT6lZ3nMW7ql1rW5NHs4vW2g2WxJ8RHTdSW2rchqY1YD9J4MlTZJww3zJKW3PGS4x3v3kX2W7BKmpk1HL5hxN7MVsbSXx-2gN13hSq9mHrpHW7W1HGs5cPWQdW49wLYl6_77CZW82k37z5fwBZDW31PFKs17Gd_XW6WQcct1LfllxW46n5LT1BHY57W22ZDsn63WKVZW4Vwj3y2bK5sgW2K0kCZ15gMNCN8ZbBwJdc7fYVymXk45bB4VXW3wH3GS6g4q8wW6lj0bJ57TrXxW66JT2288kJ-VW6QyW-c4BH_T3W4mZs6H9cBDrzN92q0hsqtbFYW1BM4S_6sMXqQf1GXFvn04) I worked with my personal stylist (and wife) Cassandra from [Next Level Wardrobe](113/d586LZ04/VVp5Sw8FHD4gW8c3h_H4hLXV-W2K0rfL5cs8s_N8fXWCq3qn9gW95jsWP6lZ3kHW8q81r77W8ZjRVLtvbs1vqGJHW3ZLQnr8Z-1rDW2D61Bf3QZfQbW37632P4CTVkTW1YK_vR3phqtpW5dD5vK5BXPhTN5qTwhlkHlTWW7dHPJM33JQ7mW5B__XJ8fcJKXN7qhv0TmM-jGW7nVwVk3-J96TVRGlQj6N2Q13W6LdwMD2xkH5TVh9KPK7pk7M-W8HBgbX4h2LFRN4_LqHL4D0RlN1kC8zBKHxzWW147rGR8twQ62W9kpwjQ8WxcS8W8bpw4x858NLYW7HNCrl7-nJFsW5R-f3-49zNrkN73JS7tk-X_BF2lvYW922HFW62L5nX67Dd_WW68c2xw8wF1y5W1-kY2K41BkXrW1shjVC32pWTWW8ltHVz96qqYqf2KmYd804) to put together outfits for Netflix, such as this one. You might not be preparing to go on a show in front of 220 million people. But you WILL continue to interact with hundreds and hundreds of people throughout your life. The way you present yourself — yes, that includes your communication — plays a major role in how your social interactions go…and what becomes of them. When you’re stuck, use the Question Toolbox Smooth, debonair, and graceful were NOT words used to describe me in my 20s. Anytime I spoke to someone new, my palms would sweat. I’d be desperately searching for the exit. I hated feeling that way — and I knew that if I didn’t change something, life would pass me by. So I started collecting tools that would help me break out of my shell, a little at a time. One such tool was something I call the “Question Toolbox.” The concept is simple. I would jot down great questions that I’d hear others use in social situations — questions that started conversations, rather than the torturous, cringey carnage my interrogations were bringing. Being a systems nerd, I categorized them for different scenarios and different settings so I’d always be prepared no matter what situation I found myself in. Like a cheat code for social skills. For example, here are a few of my favorite icebreakers you can try next time you get stuck: [List of icebreakers](113/d586LZ04/VVp5Sw8FHD4gW8c3h_H4hLXV-W2K0rfL5cs8s_N8fXWzl5nXHsW50kH_H6lZ3pxW2R9Nkp92hy2-W7PbVsJ1KpX8SN4W-hfVSfsKzW1N_sv13T4prYW4fWhdK6LrNCrW523B377WnjQ5W22Pkty5kJjSKW4WsR6y81nys8W467JXX4XHsDDW8q2CSQ52GB-wVsXrlv92Qxl-W3sdVpk40TsH7W61FLp48zj21kW4knCGv8lbLd2W1XZdWw3VmQ7SW2gtn7j6nl1g5W7_Xzn91MpwM1W8XK5LW5cxBg8W7qNtP_4VT6n8VQfgKs3d6Y-BW4FpVDM2c85D0N245Lx75dxqrN6zxVtxPVC9BW4fN7yb6NKSdnW5lD76d4ZKw6_W7KcYLM3V_fKlW8vJwSj4M1JL0W6Bdhyx39B2MxW3B4wfJ8lKTLMW2JKDLt8khNpPW1d2FM-4R4NVTW5TX_rt1ccbBXf83X72j04) Since I started using the Question Toolbox, I’ve found social gatherings more enjoyable — fun, even! By keeping a few of these in your back pocket, you’ll never run out of things to say. No more sweaty palms. No more planning your escape route. Just confidence. That’s just one tool of DOZENS I’ve collected If you’d like access to all the tips, tricks, and reliable strategies I’ve learned over the years, check out my social skills program. It’s called [How to Talk to Anybody](113/d586LZ04/VVp5Sw8FHD4gW8c3h_H4hLXV-W2K0rfL5cs8s_N8fXWzl5nXHsW50kH_H6lZ3l6W3n4jsW6-54ZQVzfWN03Hr2l-W6Vt-kV976gXkW8TfPz15n1mQxW6Y8qzX7Qq3myW794Z1G2_L548V60Nwj4V2lfZW6Km7331FPcD4W8jX0j74Fq0RFW39r3T37zGhNSW45rnYY8Mb7tSN4lC9rdgyTS0W43N-7l2V7_1YV2_6cY1DP3cWW4GnHK03-WdHvW671g7f49mKwnW2FcH3n4vNrCZVv6FQM7JYCJWW8SCJ8q25kXW8W1r7c_k6Xjhw7W1_jkHp2sWJKdN8lwy-bPq0zpW3y_x6j1TQws_W1R3vJt8BHpH1W4nQwVy9hFsvkW4MhrZq4xzpC-N7Jfn1HRTwbgW74hFzv8hQXTDN14w3y2YRTRMW88VGSS2mDfbgW5dgwPh8vQc1SW9dQ_Z627J26wf60pqmT04). Here’s what the program will show you: - The EXACT words to say to truly engage others in conversation - What your body language reveals to people — and how to shift it to project confidence and instill trust in you - Subtle “connection strategies” you can use to establish rapport with anyone …and many more methods for connecting with others authentically. These have helped me (and thousands of others) go from awkward and antisocial…to being able to work any room with class, comfort, and confidence. Look, {NAME}, learning how to be more likable isn’t as hard as you might think. Inside [How to Talk to Anybody](113/d586LZ04/VVp5Sw8FHD4gW8c3h_H4hLXV-W2K0rfL5cs8s_N8fXWzl5nXHsW50kH_H6lZ3kBW2Hz6jb2y046LW3v5nSJ2PMRqDN13SxfhHB7-7W8wn2wL4v3lXvW3ZnBTB448tDtW3dsgFM3lD4gqW3MNpBx2rX9M9N70x-dYvwSDxW7c4_H02pv8qZW4_ZMrY93xssmVG62Rw3MTk6XW421Wws56XrQ5W7J6yNM1hlxNRW2dP7t71GvsRpW8Brwbp3HvyMfW8N93dF4BFWDvW1lGlvV8fRPVzW5bXF4S1CcqmZW7fpr8C2fS7MjW2lHjgj7PSjrbW43049z3Prj9-W8WQb_Q20MmXNW6fy6Fc90js4MW32kwyJ6Q_t22W7PZFKV3tSql2W4TKx_q4FG1Z-W8YMVCP6v4nrDW4-kynD7zCTL2N2_gGbs-JK0PW1q8kjV7pxtS5W8btjv61bG3DlVrXbTd82Nd5sf29WkGP04), you’ll find easy, low-risk ways to progress as fast as you’re comfortable. Before long, you’ll be looking for social opportunities to show off your brand new set of skills! Don’t make the same mistake I did and watch another minute of life pass you by. You owe it to yourself to at least check it out. You have nothing to lose, and a world of possibility to gain. [Ramit Sethi Signature] P.S. This program includes the exact words, body language, and even subtle “connection strategies” to use to connect with anyone. [Click here to see what’s inside How to Talk to Anybody](113/d586LZ04/VVp5Sw8FHD4gW8c3h_H4hLXV-W2K0rfL5cs8s_N8fXWzl5nXHsW50kH_H6lZ3mZN86W0hfqrjqYN3t6Sbb8LShwW1m5-m77mKB66W1f9dMF6JGSvJW3mqPwN6LbrtLW67BZ_92T-wFkW70PS5v7CCghgN99-7RgD9JKsW7GcwpK6Nr-ZwW5wnXgg8dtBfJW1cSB292q4K4BW89ZRwT1NyTCSN7MCcpYLT7YsV9ZwWk9f4Np9VkBJSG858-18M9rHC_9H7qjW7lRJcw4Pt-DXN4fKp1l7hb43N79sz608d0jWW6R8hK01sj4qPN3Vqz3nDL72JW6wm0B33S232YN5Rkw8j82lQVW1n65Ct9jLW52W89NdkC1VDCyBW5yGLJx6C8dT2W8qr5_j1sY5n3N9fM8wk1LbnLW6xT-bH3qLHGYW90JwMN8d6XkVW2dklCb88vRmjW3J24Wg1HKphyf5d7Zfg04). [Programs →](113/d586LZ04/VVp5Sw8FHD4gW8c3h_H4hLXV-W2K0rfL5cs8s_N8fXWC63qn9gW8wLKSR6lZ3pmN2hrMNpVlD2kVV_LSf54ysKxW2g4XWS4fjgnxN6nQZCpBnHvMW6fKNQC1W3tJ2W26m1fj7rWycSW86x_cP8x1pbcW1bxd7p6yDtQNW4g87j72CsbmYW8lXpJh6GW67qVHGSLl8hR9dzW3T9Rlg4V6zNlW6Zhcwd6tNnWYV-1nvf2-V3PbVRmfkl1ldb9LW8q2-SP7HBnc4W33bxqS4rD8cXW160cVN7yytr2W2GzbNb12CD2sW8RRqMS4C9jntW8qYkHT4_NVTYW9chw2Q15301BW6nZ-3_40VqMYW8kj3SP5t9k_WW15lFCY5RjxMzW5ktkSZ9jvVt5W4XgXCt2m9mWcW4hFHBH43Q2wPf3PRrDT04) [Podcast →](113/d586LZ04/VVp5Sw8FHD4gW8c3h_H4hLXV-W2K0rfL5cs8s_N8fXWC63qn9gW8wLKSR6lZ3nDW5T5Xw16HGNWDW3lSL2V3PFQGWW6mSswp46ZXFPVDpkgp5cfsDNW6c0ldy5QwxFGW8549XK7Z5qCgW8W1rYZ5cgpC6N97nMfnVCCLFW1VRymt50YyymW8FDvP14RPy7DW5r0NHQ38vyv1W3zljNb6cCrZLW2FdmhM5318grW8HPLpr3pq8ktW9jWslv6Qk2flW65-cLy5KD2zsW5-vqzM2lrcYlW4_hXQp86gkK4W6vqjld5bG11sW4MQGKW6Cs8CcW6Fqddw8s_wPRVx7mNg88KBjBW19g6Gw6Cn5qRW7HhB9f985WD8W47P4XN3gdtY-W58Lngd5f4RP8W1JfYwL8b5FGgW7ZwmrX4vdRk4f80BNs404) [Netflix Show →](113/d586LZ04/VVp5Sw8FHD4gW8c3h_H4hLXV-W2K0rfL5cs8s_N8fXWC63qn9gW8wLKSR6lZ3m0VQsnkL6wF0P3W2kc8PX8PWFKkW1WWD676Yh2QXW5-WmsH7P72RwW3twLbm35ZKYbW76sflp72yx5QW6VlwNz1cq9sQW22hc244D_TT8W6lk6Mj2VrmtdVkBs5s1kk8QnW52tJLb1tKM11W5RGgPZ12fmbyW6cktD_50wb4KW4cGtXY5JSxKSW5csWcd8TZH7HW5j7fNz33194RW6WXGLq2pZgyHW1NN99w8YgPFZW8gkM143DvPXMW5hrD-F99MLzCW1G9C9g906C1mVS0yQH4_5LTpW8Y69h02PM-qGN1jVwNnnJtRnW68ZfsG6Y1sPcW57_lSz14lddcN7PBlsLCg9zrW88lR2q5M_dVmf3nHR0j04) [Books →](113/d586LZ04/VVp5Sw8FHD4gW8c3h_H4hLXV-W2K0rfL5cs8s_N8fXWC63qn9gW8wLKSR6lZ3l7V2cBhK6X3w_zN4nn_v9_-B7sN1ZJrPFTFz6jW2YmXNJ63mG4BW32JWLC7x6lL9W5PtprF6j1nqbW8t7q_y5N3hnBW1mbRby1cn7vXW6tC_Sx20J770W6m1hnV6CKsKVN2g6jMMDCxpYW4PwVM-6x7nn6W6QfRwc2gJJpMW1jXT7Y6DpwsrW3mFrZH5KF2JSW8lSmD79bQxdZVqR3Zd2Z0-MtW5x1spf3dt-8JV-r-r776Xp0bV8VCLd3tw9lbVxkVfd3Gj6kwW4xRfWg5Wk7pyN1Q9xlfq6BdBW7974TZ4mwLTpW6t_sXq6gpw-JW701ctH2CxypxVth0Px7P5mc-W2s0y-71ZtBV4f1d7xWM04) [Website →](113/d586LZ04/VVp5Sw8FHD4gW8c3h_H4hLXV-W2K0rfL5cs8s_N8fXWBR3qn9gW7Y8-PT6lZ3kRW8KTLQ42cdq1WW3hCD-_8WY9_8W1FBX9X3QNqPDN5DjPsCZhDwQW8qWXrJ8rHRTJVd6QwQ1n32sdW8fC_Ky6yBnZlW5vhhYc1TDgMjW7bLnnD7BdwmZW3s1cMM8_DGmBW8xkb1J7wH2vKW4cLXRt2vk-0MN916ydz93l_zW5D6xWQ2ZPcmBW6kXhPR2fgSZLW5MqYsK725pDSW6XSrs46rv2dkW6NljYh6Yc0NFVH8fjP7Zw4djV8d8rc3KnVgYW42-6Kd8QtB33W6Y5-Jp4d-zB8W8_R966526-C9W274vWd7-v7wNW1BqRBw6MssyxN5Xb6-XPDQnMf6Md-wz04) [Instagram](113/d586LZ04/VVp5Sw8FHD4gW8c3h_H4hLXV-W2K0rfL5cs8s_N8fXWBR3qn9gW7Y8-PT6lZ3mgW7JWt3W4zQQf3W7QPTP98G01VqN2nVK4HV2qvwW7bRKhc3pF9KCW6llxbk1NQlJ2W65rsfh8vKlc7W60GKtr42Ths5VZxwZ51802S3W6cQ4Y_7JNK_jW8K85f0162gG7W7lHPpw8GB4nKW7m1m4V8zpwZ4W1NRFkH8jPFjsW39HtVQ3Hk2tGW37bLVr6TW_M6N4-QSPs-_QBcW1rqLxq7m__TxW5yJsTL13MSQSW4qx5Nz5hvl-jW36Dqwf2vZqC4W4z13rq864FDTVQmlQd2LHsYnW23F0rV388Mb6W5ZmtJT4Cs8L0W8Bf5759fNFmLW33yhrZ1_czB2f5tLfl804) [LinkedIn](113/d586LZ04/VVp5Sw8FHD4gW8c3h_H4hLXV-W2K0rfL5cs8s_N8fXWBR3qn9gW7Y8-PT6lZ3pqW6Gtgg81_QQhrW8YJTRS1kGdMhN17XG6Ly2267W7PhMdG6hdS3LW1wGYzf1p6YHdW4t_bYt35LMTnW5pqVmC9hw-YVW18RMq44SSDgBW1Bnn9B4M5cdnW3XL8kx1YN9FjW36FYKr4rlW80N54Cp7ZZw12mW732nxp8HYDwbVFtl962yqbddW4WVSYB7L0kMMW3-MTfR7dL4DsW1Pdjdy5l9YCzW7b0BJT38Sn8bW897rYG9cxBBNVnJ7f05zbZGFW96ywQx993GqTW6761v594lWv_W70nMJ75nd30sW3NqKH846bBnvN3GxjSrr-Y5dW3F_vzk27Mvjrd327rb04) [Twitter](113/d586LZ04/VVp5Sw8FHD4gW8c3h_H4hLXV-W2K0rfL5cs8s_N8fXWBx3qn9gW7lCdLW6lZ3lNW1sBJSY7PxxRMN8MyVdpXVB6vW6JL3sF8JRhVnW28RHBb4l51pYN5__KJkHWx9nW7lH_kd7z2BQnW1wNpzs11nrSMW95GsS65TwfSrVPmY191CVfmTW2LRfL16tL1KBW8FpZ3H18ZK7dW1tVs845B2hsWW9ccSn-5FpyrCW3vhbLB3WsD5_VGZbsC8gTSVXW7XRMRq8Nm14pW5vr7tm5nCGspN8TTq09jgTqkW11V_T04x4l6WW2RDkSH5wbvB_W4_KKRF8DflMrN4xz9ZVDt8xCW1nzn7v8LFL_FW2DsByb28Dh1tf2nbDmP04) [YouTube](113/d586LZ04/VVp5Sw8FHD4gW8c3h_H4hLXV-W2K0rfL5cs8s_N8fXWBR3qn9gW7Y8-PT6lZ3lSW6mdNsT3dcy93W895vk35sWwXyW4cpmSf8Wsv9PVdQtTw24kNwMW1W0PlG3NvZ4jW7pB1np5-mhMZW2Rqsf63R59q0W3qrpYc8zG-J1MPLC7pwzR0PN9ds5YGQ18YhW7lBjxT9llzv_W8bN95w7HDVWwW7yV7gn854gWjW6yBbLl3DhpF9W5Z1-Zl5J7dzLW57Y3QP7bD9t8W7yK99_5MT3_yW6lBfHF160SPkW2s7gqK4p0_PZVvwFK88TDx-LF6wN44ppp1DW1Ctm895K7qcmW55TPZ17QLYzYVTtdYP7-lscbW7mTnDy3GFN4HN4MZ3m0Swd7mf3FW-V604) Was this forwarded to you? 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