The Big Regrets That Dads Carry

Plus, How to Be Supportive of a Spouse Who’s Returning to Work [Fatherly_Seahorse]( If a someone says they have no regrets about the way they’ve parented, that person’s pants are, indeed, on fire. Regrets dot the road of parenthood like billboards, displaying in big bold letters the things you should’ve done but didn’t. Raising decent human beings is hard work. Mistakes and regrets come with the territory. And while dwelling on regrets is not a healthy way to go about life, it is helpful to interrogate them and extract lessons where we can. PARENTING [15article1]( [“I Yelled Too Much”: 16 Dads on Their Biggest Parenting Regrets]( Dwelling on regrets is not a healthy way to go about life. [But it is helpful to interrogate them and extract lessons where we can.]( [READ THE STORY]( TIPS AND TRICKS Want to Better Manage Your Anger? Learn to Recognize Your Triggers Recognizing the moments that precede our parental meltdowns can help minimize the damage. “In order to not lose our shit, first we have to realize that we’re about to lose our shit,” she says. Pay attention to your behavior in the moments leading up to losing your shit. “Everybody’s red flags look a little different,” say Carla Naumburg, social worker and author of the book How to Stop Losing Your Shit With Kids. “And when I notice my red flags, I’ll say to my girls, ‘You guys I’m about to yell at you. So, either you need to go into a different room or I have to.’” The next step is critical: take a beat. “Once you start to notice that the dynamite’s been lit, you can pause,” Naumburg says. “The pause is really important. If there were a real threat, we would not pause. We are sending an important message to our nervous system that this is not a threat.” FURTHER READING - [What Am I Doing to My Kid When I Yell?]( - ​​​​​[6 Myths About What Happens When Dad Yells]( - [Are You a Dad Who Gets Angry or an Angry Dad? The Difference is Crucial]( WE WROTE A BOOK! [5article2]( [Be The First to Read ‘Fatherhood’]( Where’s the road map for new parents? Glad you asked! Fatherhood, by the editors of Fatherly, is a comprehensive parenting guide that walks dads through everything they need to know over the course of the first year of a baby’s life and beyond. It’s full of practical tips (everything you need), as well as work-life balance guidance (this is crucial), relationship advice (doubly crucial!), and as well as tons of expert-driven analysis that will help guide parents through a truly disorienting time. Pre-order it now and get the first copies on November 9. [BUY NOW]( RELATIONSHIPS [15article3]( [How to Be Supportive of a Spouse Who’s Returning to Work]( [It's a major transition. This is what to keep in mind.]( [READ THE STORY]( TIPS AND TRICKS Learn the major players of your partner’s work. Want to be a better, more supportive partner? Get to know the cast of characters at their work. Think of your partner’s office as Game of Thrones, but with fewer ethics and double-edged battle axes. Probably. It’s easy to remember the stock power structure of the Stressful Workplace: maniacal boss, wishy-washy office manager, irrationally energetic millennial out to make a name. But you’ll want to know the other players too: the ones who set up all the pointless meetings, the lunch buddies, the unambitious underlings. Write Jeff Vrabel has actually written notes on things like this so he doesn’t have to keep asking, “Wait, which one is Karen?” “Is this the guy who keeps scheduling late meetings?” Admittedly, he says, it felt a little creepy at first. But if you’re going to be an ally, you need to have an active understanding of the players, and few things are more irritating than asking, “Wait, who?” nine times. [Here is some more wisdom on helping your partner handle work stress.]( PLAY [15article4]( [Remembering Gary Paulsen’s ‘Hatchet’]( Paulsen’s classic survival story was a publishing phenomenon in the 1980s. [It's less popular today, but no less affecting.]( [READ THE STORY](www.fatherly.com/love-money/gary-paulsen-hatchet/) TALK TO US Have a question? Comment? Want to tell us a no-good terrible story? Or a helpful parenting tip? We want to hear from you (and yes, we may publish your response in an article or forthcoming newsletter). Send your thoughts to [hello@fatherly.com](mailto:hello@fatherly.com?subject=Fatherly%20Newsletter%20Feedback). [FATHERLY_LOGO]( [FB]( [IG]( [Twitter]( [View this email in your browser]( Some Spider Studios 20 W 22nd St Floor 3 New York, NY 10010-5858 You can [manage your preferences or unsubscribe]( here. Copyright © 2021 Some Spider, All rights reserved. [Link](