Fark NotNewsletter: Epstein Blowout

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1705002595-60341-16217 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [http= s://fark.com/13115696](3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 ________________________ A message= from Drew Curtis: ___________________= _____ Hey everyone hope your we= ek's been well. The news cycle= has aliens on the brain apparently. Last Friday, my hometown of Lexi= ngton beamed a signal to a planet 40 light years away inviting them to come= visit the Horse Capital of the World. I'm not sure this is a good id= ea but what's done is done. Also last week, The Internet decided a bu= nch of aliens were holed up in a Florida Mall. Not sure how aliens wo= uld stand out from the usual Florida (hu)Mans but that's what happened.&nbs= p; Then today, aliens were spotted in Brazil, again in a shopping center.&n= bsp; Are aliens walking among us, looking for bargain deals on retail goods= ? Probably not but meanwhile everyone's losing their collective minds= . Just another week in Fark land. 4pm Thursday it's the [Fark News Livestrea= m](=3D") - now that it's a week past the holidays, the floodgates have opened = and the freak flags are flying. Come for the insightful commentary, s= tay for the multiple stories about people losing their pants in new and unu= sual ways, new alien minerals, and just another d*ck in the wall - by which= I mean duck of course. ________________________ End&= nbsp;Drew transmission ________________________&n= bsp; Farking Tip = Farkers often swap some pretty old references. If you're unsure what a refe= rence is from, [ChatGPT](3D"=) can usually guess text referen= ces (including Farkisms), and [Google Images](=3D") can fin= d image references if they're not too heavily modified. Top Interactions Some of the best in= teractions from the past week. Do note: this takes priority over be= ing placed in "top comments." - Badmoodman, phalamir= , Cyberluddite, thornhill, and ArkPanda[discussed= the viability of a defamation lawsuit.](3D") - [Unobtanium,](3D")[Jojo_TheDogFacedBoy](3D"), and [bthom37](3D" the source of a TFG brainfart. -](3D")[This Thread](3D") contains *several* discussions, where= we: 1. discovered where all Oklahoma's money is going. 2. discussed if it'= s a good idea to learn French if you wanted to emigrate to Canada. 3. share= d our experiences of life in Oklahoma. - Farkers in [This = Thread](3D") shared photos of Roger Stone lookalikes. Top Comments Some of the t= op-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week. If your post= isn't here, assume that NotNewsletterMonkey couldn't thin= k of a tagline. (The [Smartest](3D"http=) and [Funniest](3D"https:=) for the past month are found elsewhere.) Funny:= - Bedistor[wondered about the conversation= al opportunity of almost getting sucked out of a plane.](3D" - HiFiGuy[found the Emergency Exit Door, exactly where you thin= k it'd be.](3D"https:/=) - Snarfangel[theorized the source= of this killing spree.](3D" - Mr. Tweedy[worries= about the VeggieTales apocalypse.](3D") - MythDragon= ng>[grazed at the grocery store.](3D") - BretMavrik= >[spotted an easily-mistaken identity.](3D") Smart: -&= nbsp;Circusdog320dispensed a driving tip more people sh= ould follow. - Metastatic Capricorn[worries = for the drivers that somehow trip on nothing.](3D") - MrBal= lou[suggests you Farkers talk more to low-level employees - they k= now more than you think.](3D"=) - BizarreMan[theori= zed why there's a large party gratuity at some restaurants.](3D") - = ;leeksfromchichisspitballed creating an order of Americ= an scholar-knights to guard public schools. - Don't T= roll Me Bro![wishes we'd step away from 1935-era chickenpox treatm= ents.](3D"https:/=) - alechemist[knows where the meal fun= ds Oklahoma isn't using could go.](3D" - I'm an excellent = driver[summarized the facts of the Missing Emergency Exit Door.](3D"=)= > - TWXexplained why you keep the old employe= es around if possible, even if it's expensive. [Politics](3D" = Politics Funny: - scottydoesntknow[know= s why we won't find David Copperfield on flight records.](3D") - Monkeyfark Ridiculous[simplified a Christian argument by hav= ing us think of them as Farkers.](3D" - little big man= rong>[, mood.](3D") Politics Smart: - null[wonders how the other type of mag(ne)ts work.](3D"=) - wademh[shared an instance where the 14th Amendment was actuall= y applied.](3D"https://w=) - somedude210[can't square "str= atriotism" with that painting. (Apparently it's from a parody account?)](3D")= - Moose out front['s post isn't a reference to a= famous book - it's a reference to the Bibble.](3D" - snow= blur[wonders what happened to this classic pair, if anything.](3D"=) - Three Crooked Squirrels[realized this event c= ould be made into a great debate question.](3D" Monk= ey's Pick I felt these posts were exceptionally funny or sm= art, even though they didn't get many votes. Warning: Unsorted, may cont= ain politics. Funny: - gopher321= >[noticed an actual firebreather in the employ of a terrorist organization= . Isn't this a comic book plot?](3D") - Thank You Black Jes= us![reimagined a classic Fark meme. Y'know, the one with the Domos= .](3D"=) - Some Junkie Cosmonaut[: "With our luck t= here's an afterlife, but..."](3D") - Conservative Evangelic= al Millennial Cyclist[found a green bowling massacre.](=3D" -= OhioUGrad[: "I'm not an animal." Are you, though?](=3D" - [Check out](3D"=)Joe Peanut['s curtains.](3D" = Smart: - ekdikeo4[knows a guy who's doi= ng AirBnB right.](3D" - electricjebus[suggests co= nsidering what type of trip you're taking before choosing if you stay at a = hotel or an AirBnB.](3D") - chuggernaught[... I rea= d "socialists" as "scientists"](3D") CSB Sunday Morni= ng theme - "[What = was the weirdest thing you ever bought online?](3D"htt=)" Thi= s week, Farkers were challenged to share their odd purchases. We ha= d two posts claim both top 2 spots in Top Funny and Top Smart! - johnny_stingray (Top Funny, 2nd Top Smart) [went nuts trying t= o find the gag (re-)gift book.](3D") - skybird (Top Sm= art, 2nd Top Funny) [bought a TotalFark subscription.](3D"https://=) [Funny](3D"): - blodyholy[says they have= an industrial-size barrel of LUBE.](3D") - sawmilldon= ong>[bought steaks while sleep deprived.](3D") - Johnson= trong>[turned a profit on an odd eBay listing.](3D") - Bill= y Bathsalt[purchased a nipple wrench and neosporin. Wonder what th= at's for.](3D"https://w=) [Smart](3D"ht=): - S= loppyFrenchKisser[had to buy a new part so they didn't have to rep= lace the whole thing.](3D"ht=) - Opacity[bought one o= f the first USB thumb drives.](3D") - Fear the Clam= >[: "A cast iron octopus hook for aprons."](3D") - SumoJeb[somehow didn't get scammed.](3D"=) Top Contest Entries Some of the top-voted [contest](3D" entries from last wee= k. As always, everybody gets one - and they're sorted by how likely they ar= e to still be open. [Photoshops](3D" - RedZone= Tuba[visited the Vacation Home for Mythical Creatures.](3D"=) -&= nbsp;Octafrye[thinks the soap beads look awful tasty.](=3D" > - EvaDewer[knows who else uses the oldest cat = door.](3D" - Yammering_Splat_Vector[bestowed exce= ptional flexibility.](3D") - no icon tact[realized= they can walk.](3D") - fisker[reimagined Mike T= yson's tattoos.](3D") - samsquatch[was struck by e= xplosive diarrhea.](3D") - Dodo David[really hopes= they don't drop that container.](3D") - flamark['s= cat found employment at Jabba's palace.](3D") - p51d007= trong>[painstakingly recolorized the full-service station.](3D") - = Terrapin Bound[observed the ship-to-cloud conversion proc= ess.](=3D" - nitropissering['s miniature orca insi= sts we send more billionaires.](3D" - Driver[had = to refill their autopilot.](3D") - I_Am_Weasel[is = truly the Wolf of Wall Street.](3D") - opalakea[te= sted their inverse shrink ray on an orangutan.](3D") - jayl= ight2003[celebrated a new entry to the public domain.](3D"=) -&n= bsp;TrollingForColumbine[forgot to check for shoulder surf= ers.](3D" - meshnoob[caught a glimpse of a myster= ious stranger.](3D" - kabloink[attempted an ill-= advised election campaign.](3D") - Mr. Shabooboo[t= hinks they're on Naboo.](3D") [Captions](3D" "[Caption these appl= e tasters](3D")" - The Southern Dandy [repriced those a= pples.](3D") - Mr. Shabooboo [thinks one of the tasters= would rather a different kind of fruit.](3D" "[Caption these folks f= rolicking on the ice](3D" - Devolving_Spud [reviewed t= he image as if it were a Fast and Furious movie.](3D") - kb7rky [worries about the ice.](3D"=) - Petey4335 [wants= their 2 dollars.](3D") "[Caption this excited fan](=3D" - TheSwizz[feels like they're taking crazy pills](3D"https://w=). (voting in b= elow post) - Grumpy Cat [thinks this dude should go in= to acting for Star Trek.](3D" "[Caption this family of hikers](3D" - RedZoneTuba trumpets about llamas ahead. -= puffy999 [knows exactly what those mouths will do.](3D"h=) = "[Caption these street performers](3D")" - Walker w= anted to buy a friend. - RedZoneTuba [thought they= 'd get more of a crowd with the frog.](3D") [Farktography theme= a>](3D"): "[Moody Monochrome 2](3D"=)" This week, Farkers were challenged= to show us photos with a moody theme. (Think black and white/grayscale/sep= ia tone.) - MightyMerkin[became the bearer of = the One Ring, 'til the eclipse ended.](3D" - Lovesandwich[visited a church.](3D"=) - bikkurikun[risk= ed a meeting with the Loch Ness.](3D") - opalakea = discovered a rocky beach. [Upcoming Fark Parties= >](3D" It's easy to plan for a Fark Party - you're effectively say= ing that "I'm going to be here at this time, come hang out." [Submit on= e!](3D" [Monday, April 8, 202= 4, Total eclipse of the Sun Fark Party at Noon. Buffalo Small Boat Harbor= a>](3D") Fark Headlines o= f the Week A selection of some of the top headlines from last= week. [♪♫ Danish queen, flees the scene, only 83 ♪♫](3D"=) [Beware the Huanglongbing, my son. With leaves that mottle and b= lotch. Beware the citrus psyllid, and shun The tau fruit fly and keep watch=](3D") [Surfer from Haiku / Meets shark off Maui coastline / Tinting water red=](3D"=) [🏍👣👣👣🐾👣 = 128062;👣🐾💨💀🦁](3D"=) [Kayakers who paddled the North W= est Passage broke a lot of park regulations, and the Canadian park service = is having Nunavut](3D") [Ass Pro Shops](=3D") [Unfortunately= , "Hot and hungry toilet snakes" are on the rise in Australia, and is not t= he latest board game from Milton Bradley](3D") Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by = ox45tallboy) Another fun time on the Quiz last week, wh= ere we learned that it ain't a fit night out for man not beast. On the Quiz= itself, jayfurr came out on top with a score of 1022, fol= lowed by Denjiro in second with 964 and = AstroJesus in third with 955. No Catchy Nickname= ong> made fourth with 935, and OtherLittleGuy made it= into the top five with 932. The hardest question on last week's Ha= rd Quiz was about which US president set the national speed limit at 55 mph= to save on gas and cut down on highway fatalities. Only 31% of quiztakers = knew that it was that liberal tree-hugger Richard Nixon who signed that bil= l 50 years ago last week. Fun fact: he also oversaw three minimum wage incr= eases totaling a 44% increase from when he took office, expanded food stamp= s, and signed the EPA into law. The easiest question on last = week's Hard Quiz was about which programming language was invented by Swiss= computer scientist Niklaus Wirth. 96% of quiztakers knew he named his lang= uage after French mathematician Blaise Pascal. who was known for inscribing= hexagons around things and putting his friends to sleep when they asked hi= m how his day went. Interestingly, the language does have a function called= "Pascal" which generates Pascal's triangle of binomial coefficients and th= en calls you a nerd for knowing what that means. The hardest questi= on on last week's Easy Quiz was about the new shape of Reese's Peanut Butte= r Cups. While the candy has been sold in the shapes of hearts, eggs, pumpki= ns, Christmas trees, and bells, only 38% of quiztakers knew that their firs= t non-holiday themed shape was peanuts. As long as they're still doing the = giant bunny for Easter, I think we're all good. The easiest q= uestion on last week's Easy Quiz was about which video game was finally "be= aten" 34 years after its release. 95% of quiztakers knew that a 13-year-old= kid had played Tetris all the way to level 157 at which point the game fro= ze, a feat no one had accomplished before. And to the Sky News presenter wh= o said he should "Go outside" because beating a video game "isn't a life go= al", I'm going to guess she could never get past world 1-2 in Super Mario B= ros. If you missed out last week, now's a great time to= [catch up on the Fark= Weird News Quiz](3D") now that you know a few of the answers. Congratulation= s once again to the winners, and we'll do it all again on Friday, --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") f= rom newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click here to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. PO Box 1291, Versailles KY 40383 = ------------=_1705002595-60341-16217--