Fark NotNewsletter: The claw machine finally worked

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1701907611-98980-329 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [http= s://fark.com/13079122](3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 ________________________ A message= from Drew Curtis: ___________________= _____ Hey everyone hope your week's b= een well. Some of you are awar= e that in my spare time I do a bit of time traveling. I've been asked= to write up some predictions for how 2024 is going to go. Any thoughts on = topics? I've already got the economy, the election, the middle east and Ukr= aine, and a couple of surprise topics. What do you think people would= like to know? Thursday 4pm= Eastern it's the [Fark News Livestream](3D"https:=)!&nbs= p; Everyone's back, last week's drama notwithstanding. For those of y= ou who missed it, it happens in the first five minutes of the show. A= nyhow everyone kissed and made up behind the scenes and we're good to go.= span> Added [l= ivestream](3D")bonus! Saturday at 8pm we're going to watch bad = Xmas movies! And drink to excess! Well Dill and I will drink to= excess, everyone else may or will make other choices. We'll probably= roll for at least a couple hours, and we're still taking requests for mate= rial so if you know of any horrible yet funny public domain Christmas video= s, send them on over. ________________________ End&nb= sp;Drew transmission ________________________ = Top Interactions Som= e of the best interactions from the past week. Do note: this takes = priority over being placed in "top comments." - We had a [meme-sharing thread](3D") pop up. - [Veloram](3D"=)and [propas= aurus](3D") discovered a plot to displace Scholastic Books. -&n= bsp;Farkers in [This Thread](3D"=) discussed high school fight policies. -&nb= sp;MythDragon worries that ajgeek[might b= e eating uranium.](3D") - The Farkers in [This Thread](3D" can't decide= if wooden signposts are OK or not. Top Comments Some of the top-voted smartest and fun= niest comments from the past week. If your post isn't here, assume that = NotNewsletterMonkey couldn't think of a tagline. (The Smartest and [Funniest](3D") for the p= ast month are found elsewhere.) Funny: - johnryan51[: "How does porn hub handle family incest in their movi= es?"](3D"https://=) - EdgeRunner[spotted the author's bar= ely-disguised fetish.](3D" - snocone[laments the = loss of human contact via sarcasm.](3D") - MurphyMurphy= rong>[suggested a nonmedical treatment for pneumonia.](3D") - Ghastly['s Mad Max story idea ran away from them.](3D"https://w=) -&nbs= p;Russ1642[: "I want to listen to nature, not the farking S= alvation Army Santa."](3D"h=) - jaytkay[has UNLIMITE= D CARDBOARD!](3D") Smart: - Porous Horace[wonders where we got a "minimum number of kisses" from.](3D"=) -= [I'll be honest - I think](3D")poconojoe['s meme has so= me merit. A huge discount, for getting to search random boxes in a truck? I= 'd do it at least once, for the novelty.](3D") - NM Volunte= er[shared why they don't go for walks anymore.](3D".=) - Rigby-Reardon[was given shiat for xmas by Santa.](3D"=) -&= nbsp;Father_Jacksuggests looking to your potential spouse= 's parents. [= Politics](3D=) Politics Funny: -&nbs= p;Snarcoleptic_Hoosier[knows where Kissinger kept his phyl= actery.](3D" - NeoCortex42[: "Now how is Santos C= laus going to deliver all those toys!?"](3D" - RussianPoop= er[YAAAAAAAAY!](3D".=) - GardenWeasel['s po= st duplicated.](3D") - AmbassadorBooze[: "Can't pir= ate when there is nothing to pirate."](3D") - bloobeary= rong>[knows where the children aren't.](3D") Politics Smart:= - Outshined_One[explained the minimum requireme= nts for a Texas secession.](3D" - Medic Zero[went= off to fight the Orcs. Don't die, please!](3D") - Chthonic= Echoes[recommends Farkers mask up if they live in places where wh= ite lung is taking off.](3D".=) Monkey's Pick I felt these posts were exceptionally funny or smart, even though th= ey didn't get many votes. Warning: Unsorted, may contain politics. Funny: - KingBiefWhistle[considered = a career in statue care.](3D") - kaidenshi['s D&= ;D Session was the second gassy knoll.](3D") - thehighesttr= ee[... I could see a Farker writing that app for laughs.](3D".=) = - Slypork[: "It made me wonder if there had been anot= her photographer in the room."](=3D" - PirateKing = really doesn't like how underfed Baphomet looks. - Te= lephone Sanitizer Second Class[posted a Chinese diagram of where a= ll the fart particles go.](3D" Smart: - D= iagonal[prefers the self-checkout because it means the stupid's al= l your fault.](3D".=) - Grauenwolf[thought up some= selfish reasons to want people to be less obese.](3D") - s= hinji3i[used Fark to find the turnover rate for this job.](3D".=) = - Copperbelly watersnake[knows where the Grinch came= from.](3D" - Meat's dream[explained why they no= longer want a Cybertruck.](3D" - Glockenspiel Hero= g>[read an interview once that might explain North Korea's birth rate.](3D") CSB Sunday Morning theme - "[That one special ornament](3D")" This week, Farkers were cha= llenged to tell a story about their special ornament(s). [Funny](3D"): = - gregarioknows Die Hard is a Christmas movie. = UngaBeat[, too.](3D"htt=) - I May Be Crazy But.= ..[they were told to put a mummified bird on their Christmas tree= .](3D".=) - neofonz[accidentally fused two ornaments= into one.](3D" - OwnTheRide[started a tradition = of trying to sneak non-ornaments onto the tree.](3D" - [Bonus: Eith= er](3D")The Pope of Manwich Village[is a giant liar, or h= e had the time of his life balling with Prince.](3D" [Smart](3D")= : - Recoil Therapy['s family was gifted a la= st ornament by a cancer patient.](3D" - No Catchy Nickname= [got it from the tin.](3D"=) - Vansthing[b= ought the Christmas tree they could afford.](3D") - Lsherm['s gear shifter ornament is a memento from their best friend.](3D"=) Top Contest Entries= an> Some of the top-voted [= contest](3D=) entries from last week. As always, everybody gets one. = [Photoshop= s](3D"=): These Photoshops were open when the NotNewsletter w= as posted - and are sorted by the likelihood that they're still open. Ad= d your own submissions - or at least vote. - EvaDewer= rong>[got to tour the Star Wars Opening Crawl factory.](3D") - Thoaar[discovered a bench made useless by statues.](3D"https://w=) -&= nbsp;sl4psh0t[swapped this robot dog's parts with a more= advanced model.](=3D" - RedZoneTuba[watched the O= ld Woman of the Mountain take a bath.](3D") - RedZoneTuba= strong>[brought us to the Fark Painting Meme Gallery.](3D") - EvaDewer[passed out while working on Fark.](3D"https://=) - EvaDewer[didn't mean to turn on these ancient robots.](3D"https:/=) = - Driver[hopes nobody tells these grizzlies about t= he Flintstones method of car driving.](=3D" - Thoaar= g>[watched Ape.](3D") - Yammering_Splat_Vector[tur= ned this rhino into a potato.](3D") - samsquatch[f= ound evidence of (dumb) life on Mars.](3D") - Yammering_Spl= at_Vector[knows exactly where this license plate is going.](3D"=) = - I_Am_Weasel[brought the janitor to the dance floo= r.](3D" - RedZoneTuba[left their old piano a bit = too close to the road.](3D" - Vortex Dweller[turn= ed a photoshoot into modern art.](3D") - asstamassta= g>[was shown a useful scar.](3D") - NeoMoxie[manuf= actured yellow snow.](3D") - Yammering_Splat_Vector= >['s cat adores the ice bath.](3D") - samsquatch[a= bducted a zombie.](3D") - I_Am_Weasel[wonders who = even has dimes these days.](3D") - Thoaar[kicked o= ff this stowaway.](3D") These Photoshops are closed, but you can stil= l see what the other Farkers made. - EvaDewer[en= countered a real-life Spartoi.](3D") ([link)](3D"s_teeth_(mythology)") - RedZoneTuba[finally assembl= ed that puzzle-tractor.](3D") - Thoaar[discovered = the NBC peacock as a baby.](3D") - RedZoneTuba[gav= e us the Internet's version of Brazil's Jesus statue.](3D") - Yammering_Splat_Vectorput the most uncomfortable chairs in t= heir car. - asstamassta[wants out.](3D" = - Stephen_Falken[postulated (about) a potential propa= ganda poster.](3D" - RedZoneTuba[discovered the = fate of a lesser-known Trump property.](3D") - RedZoneTuba[beached their boat 5 seconds after the trip started.](3D"=) -&nb= sp;Stephen_Falkenencountered a shard of a certain wreck= . - I_Am_Weasel[discovered a kindred spirit = in boredom.](3D" - RedZoneTuba[ordered this flam= ingo to commit crimes... and get stopped by the local Power Ranger team.](3D")= > - Thoaar[encountered a "Take on Me" situation.=](3D" - Thoaar[lost their other flip-flop.](3D" - Thoaarwill soon be swept under. - = ;EvaDewer[isn't reading.](3D"ht=) - samsquatc= h[is going to catch that Secretary Bird, if it's the last thing = they do.](3D"=) - Thoaar[started their roadkill b= usiness at a very young age.](3D" - RedZoneTuba[i= mmortalized the Ministry of Silly Walks.](3D") [Captions](3D" these morning commuters](3D")" ([image](3D" - Mr. Shabooboo[: "White people just cannot stop leaning on us ca= n they?"](3D"ht=) - skybird659[: "Wanna get away?"](3D" = "[Caption these fashionable kids](3D")" ([image](3D" - 4grins [knows what that sweater does.](3D"https://=) - beezel= town [reimagined the image as an advertisement for Gaaap Kids.](3D"=) "[Caption this medieval temptation](3D"=)" ([image](3D")) = - OdradekRex [wonders why their dad would throw a sword a= t them.](=3D" - Porous Horace [loves the three S's of te= mptation.](3D" "[Caption this lesson](3D"https=)" ([image](3D" - EvaDewer [set up a classic romance plot.](3D"https://w=) - Cheron= [explained Detroit hockey etiquette.](3D"=) "[Caption t= his coronation](3D")" ([image](3D"https:/=)) - RedZoneTuba [wishes = they didn't use the Imperial Margarine.](3D") - lgG4 [ad= ded a little weed.](3D") - common sense is an oxymoron = [asks you where your leader went.](3D") [Farktography theme](3D" strong>: "[Just Desserts 3](3D"=)" This week, Farkers were challenged to p= hotograph some tasty desserts. - peachpicker[sta= cked some scared snacks.](3D") - EvaDewer[set up a= comfier birthday.](3D") - Elsinore[discovered the= evolved form of the Chocolate Rose.](3D") - Literally Addi= cted[baked a fleet of tiny pastries.](3D"=) [Upco= ming Fark Parties](3D" It's easy to plan for a Fark Party - yo= u're effectively saying that "I'm going to be here at this time, come hang = out." [Submit one!](3D") [Mond= ay, April 8, 2024, Total eclipse of the Sun Fark Party at Noon. Buffalo Sma= ll Boat Harbor](3D") = Fark Headlines of the Week A selection of some of the top hea= dlines from last week. [Yes, Death; Ki= ssinger really was in this thing all along](3D") [Seasoned trail = runner attacked by bear. Unseasoned runners are bland and tasteless](3D"https:=) = pan> [One of the most= important questions to ask when reviewing job openings is, "Why did this p= osition become available?"](3D") [Hammer attack near the Eiffel Tower. The suspect shouted out "Alla= h Akbah", which is not quite "Allahu Akbar", but probably close enough. He = could have yelled "Arret, hammer temps"](3D") [US Navy isn't putting up with any of that Houthi nonsens= e, nor their blowfish](3D"=) The King watche= d in satisfaction as his men set the enemy's icon ablaze. Servants of his n= emesis cowered in their keep and prayed. Surely, they thought, Ronald would= not abandon them; surely he would send Grimace to smite his foes and save = them [My new Fo= rd Mustang does 153 / I lost control and hit a palm tree / I got hurt and m= y passengers died / I'm in jail now and going to be tried](3D") They're blaming the wind, but based on my experien= ce it's always the cats [Us3 inconsolable](3D") = [TSA reports a new single day record of over 2.9 million gropings](3D")= pan> [Someone in Woodbury, MN, must be = pretty loose right now](3D") Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox4= 5tallboy) Another fun time on the Quiz this week, where we lear= ned robot ghost kitchens are a thing, and they're here now and still expect= you to tip. It won't be long until a rogue AI decides to enter the Chicken= Sandwich Wars thus kicking off the Robot Apocalypse and the inevitable Arm= ageddon. Be on the lookout for a food delivery bot claiming it has a d= elivery for one Sarah Connor. On the Quiz itself, no one quite made it into= the 1000 club, which is okay because we're just playing the GTA IV trailer= on repeat. Oliver Twisted made it to the top with 999, fo= llowed by wearsmanyhats in second with 930 and zerkalo right behind with 929. Denjiro= > came in fourth with 926, and UnrepentantApostate ro= unds out the top five with 917. The hardest question on last week's= Hard Quiz was about America's most sinful city. Only 28% of quiztakers cau= ght the article about Wallethub's analysis showing that Sin City has earned= its nickname, and Las Vegas was indeed the home to the most sins. Their an= alysis was interesting - Anger/Hatred was determined by violent crimes, hat= e crimes, and firearm deaths; Jealousy by thefts and fraud; Excesses/Vice (= Gluttony) by obesity, smoking, DUI, and drug use/ODs; Greed by number of ca= sinos and lower charitable donations; Lust by adult entertainment establish= ments, Google searches, and teen birth rate; Laziness (Sloth) by time spent= watching TV, lack of exercise, and high school dropout rate; and Vanity by= web searches for plastic surgery and tanning beds per capita. They call it= sinful, I say it's capitalism. The easiest question on last week's= Hard Quiz was about which fruit was subject to even more recalls due to sa= lmonella contamination. 78% of quiztakers either caught the article or knew= that the only pepo (cucumber/gourd) in the choices was cantaloupes. Fun fa= ct, although cantaloupes were cultivated as far back as ancient Egypt, it s= eems no one knew what to call them until the 18th century when someone= decided to name them after the then-papal county seat of Cantalupo near Ro= me. The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about t= he new name for the Cheez-It Bowl game in late December. Only 29% of quizta= kers knew that Kellanove (formerly Kellogg's) had decided to re-brand their= 3-hour commercial for their other product, Pop-Tarts. While the "Goldfish = Bowl" does sound like a clever name for a NCAA college football game, they = are in fact made by Pepperidge Farms (the cookie and data storage company),= not Kellanova. The easiest question on last week's Easy Quiz= was about the definition of "olfactory". 96% of quiztakers knew that it me= ant "having to do with the sense of smell". Having once lived near a paper = mill, I can tell you that ol' factory stunk. If you missed ou= t last week, now's a great time to catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz now that you know a = few of the answers. Congratulations once again to the winners, and we'll do= it all again on Friday. --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") f= rom newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click here to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. PO Box 1291, Versailles KY 40383 = ------------=_1701907611-98980-329--