Fark NotNewsletter: Lies our parents told us

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1724949855-49744-9101 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [(3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 ________________________ A message= from Drew Curtis: ________________________ Hey everyone, hope your week's been well. Getting closer on Fark25 logis= tics - Christine's been helping locate a block of hotel rooms and we'll hav= e details on that next week. Will have the event logistics nailed dow= n also in time for next week. Then the week following I'll have a lis= t of suggested things to do and places to see in the area. It include= s some really fun stuff that even locals don't know about. Such as, i= f you can get to Buffalo Trace in Frankfort right around when they open, th= ey always have a rare bourbon selection (which changes daily) stocked in th= e gift shop for sale at face value. Sometimes this gets really crazy = for resale value, some are just fun to find at retail. Thursday 4pm it's the [Fark= News Livestream](3D") with me, Christine, and Dill. Lucky's still not back w= ith us but he's confirmed for the Oct 12th live event in Lexington. U= p until yesterday I could have said politics took a back seat this week, bu= t then RFKJR went and cut the head off a whale with a chainsaw and drove ho= me with it. He actually did this a decade ago but it hit the news cyc= le again Tuesday for some reason. We might have to replace our Santos= of the Week feature with RFKJR of the week. Also, multiple entries f= or our AI is Going Great feature, and the US Navy is experiencing a shortag= e of pants but they could always reinstitute Donald Duck style to get aroun= d this. Also (do not miss this one) presenting the most convoluted Life Imi= tates "The Aristocrats" story I've seen possibly ever. And it happene= d in Indiana, not Florida. ________________________ = End Drew transmission ________________________ Top Interactions = Some of the best interactions from the past week. Do note: this tak= es priority over being placed in "top comments." - Th= is Thread [...took a lot of turns](3D"https://w=) - Farkers in [This Thread= >](3D") shared their least favorite bar songs - [This Thread](3D" collects lies we were tau= ght - This Thread[laments those who ruin a good thing](3D" -= [Garza and the Supermutants](3D") remembered when they= thought pink meth was a good idea. [GoodCopBadCop](3D" had = some questions, and [NuclearPenguin's](3D"https://=) powers of observa= tion spotted the cop. Top = Comments Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments= from the past week. If your post isn't here, assume that NotNew= sletterMonkey couldn't think of a tagline. (The [Smartest](3D" and [Funniest](3D" for the past month a= re found elsewhere.) Funny: - kittyhas1000= legs[remembers Tubthumping.](3D"=) - freakdiablo= ong>[sees a benefit to meth laced with brake fluid.](3D") - f= reakdiablo[knows the classic line about abandonment.](3D"https://w=) - = ;foo monkey[has a great idea for a practical joke](3D"=) = - gunga galunga[found a post about history repeating = itself.](3D" - gunga galunga[found a post about hi= story repeating itself.](3D" - markie_farkie["I wan= t what they're having"](3D") - bittermang['s rollerco= aster of emotions](3D") Smart: - Private_Cit= izen[knows who they prefer for neighbors](3D"=) - nat= azha[ideological legislators may learn that people vote for what m= atters to them](3D"=) - Tyrone Slothrop[warns against= "not-a-burden" roadblocks to actions.](3D") - jjorsett= ng>[wonders how many companies will do business in Russia, after the war's = over.](3D") - vudukungfu[got firsthand experience (s= econdhand? through a close friend) that made him vehemently against gamblin= g.](3D" - phalamir[gives strong advice about relati= ves dying and debt](3D" - New Rising Sun[has a che= aper, better, easier way of holding onto students' cell phones during class=](3D") - koder[: "I'm not entirely sure why we don't = outright forbid the media + police from publishing the names of accused peo= ple prior to grand-jury indictment."](3D" [Politics](3D" Politi= cs Funny: - common sense is an oxymoron[wait = so we're failing the foreigners?](3D") - Badmoodman = joked about what a suspense list even is. - Dimensio= trong>[has a great recovery](3D") - stoli n coke[jo= ked about the "Harris isn't black!" propaganda campaign.](3D") - Telephone Sanitizer Second Class and aungen[share a complimen= tary observation about classes of telephone sanitizers](3D") Poli= tics Smart: - eKonk[knows the steps a felon = should take to redeem themselves.](3D" - Chariset[s= trongly recommends Texas farkers check if they're able to vote.](3D") -&nb= sp;runujhkj[noted a need for fact checking in this article=](3D"=) - tudorgurl[wishes they could teach a class = based on recent speeches.](3D" - firefly212[thinks = Michelle Obama could make a great Justice](3D") - Medic Zero[shared what they've been experiencing in Ukraine.](3D"=) - I Ate Shergar[remembered an old conversation about popularit= y.](3D"=) - LordOfThePings[needs "Obvious" tag](3D" Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste[descri= bes how some politicians seem to play anti-immigration issues from both sid= es of the Mexican wall](3D") - EvilEgg[...and= we all know who they're talking about](3D") Monkey'= s Pick I felt these posts were exceptionally funny or smar= t, even though they didn't get many votes. Warning: Unsorted, may contai= n politics. Funny: - MDI_BugMan[: = "My ancestors sold off all their spare letters to finance their trip to the= new country, and I think we found who bought 'em all."](3D") Sma= rt: - GJEW[deducted the likely source of this= article.](3D" - Rapmaster2000[knows what gambling = really is.](3D" - fuhfuhfuh["fark Placer racists"= indeed. And this was only 20 years ago... Bets they're still doing it?](3D" - urgerthis is totally a bad idea but someone sh= ould make a TFG bot using these instructions. Heck, what about livestreamin= g it using a fake voice? [CSB](3D" Sunday Morning theme - "[That One Birthday Surprise](3D")" Thi= s week, Farkers were challenged to share the times they were surprised on t= heir birthday. [Funny](3D"https=): - Lytbeir[gets = birthday wishes from a great special Farker - System.](3D") - HighlanderRPI[remembered the story of the USS Missouri.](3D"https=) -&= nbsp;Fear the Clamenjoyed confusing friends with birthda= y sombreros - Omnivorous[surprised their wife= with a trip.](3D" [Smart](3D"ht=): - neofonz['s = birthday was cancelled by the pandemic. And then it wasn't.](3D") - Vansthing[was allowed to spend time with their daughter.](3D"htt=)= > - Deathbymeteor[was their grandpa's gift.](3D" - kp1230['s mom remembered their birthday, even when= they were 50.](=3D" Top Con= test Entries Some of the top-voted [contest](3D" entries from last week, sorted by how like= ly they are to still be open. Go send in your own submissions, they're fun = even if you don't get the most votes! [Photoshops](3D" Sinc= e there's a lot of these, everybody (and every thread) gets one and only on= e. - samsquatch[raced the Monty Python course to b= e the upper-class twit of the year.](3D" - Yammering_Splat_V= ector[decorated this horse.](3D"=) - Thoaar = reenacted a classic Show And Tell that probably shouldn't have been shown i= n a classroom. - Stephen_Falken[discovered the= most unnerving eyes on this gecko.](3D") - RedZoneTuba= ng>[designated this man as critical spaceflight hardware.](3D") - Surly U. Jest[Joe Pesci showed up for this shoe shine](3D"h=) = - TxRabbit[had a lovely picnic of sandwich-pizza.](=3D" - GaijinHrecommended running across the crocodi= les. - Sonic Yawn[shows the POV of these pilot= s - and the ground](3D" - kabloink[made a pretty p= uppy-cake.](3D") - Resident Muslim[found the melti= ng room.](3D") - mononymous[remembers the classic bu= cket-hat trick.](3D" - asstamassta[thinks these tw= o could fit right into this vintage cartoon.](3D") [Captions](3D"): [Caption this careful lesson](3D"=) nmrsmr [wins wit= h a famous Airplane! quote](3D") grokca [has an important= safety tip](3D") [Caption this intense couple](=3D" Subtonic= [knows that "survival of the fittest" means if you limp you die Mr. Fuzzypaws](3D"=)[asks the practical question](3D" [Farktography theme:](3D"https:/=) "[Vacation Slideshow" This week, Farkers were challenged to share their vacation photos. = After all, they're records of the adventures you've had! - = spontn80](3D")[remembered a forest getaway.](3D"=) - kittyh= as1000legs[remembered an imposing mountain.](3D"https://w=) - = MorningBreath[remembered a beach station.](3D"https:=) - Bi= zzerk[remembered the sun setting on the ocean.](3D"=) [Upcoming Fark Parties](3D") It's easy to plan for a Fa= rk Party - you're effectively saying that "I'm going to be here at this tim= e, come hang out." [Submit one!](3D"https://w=) [OCT. 1= 2TH 7pm, 25th Anniversary Fark Party @ The Lyric Theatre in Lexington KY - = but wait there's more (TBA)](3D") Fark Headlines of the Week A selection of some = of the top headlines from last week. [Barnes and Goebbels](3D") Chicago p= olice arrest black man for murder. Personally, I thought Michelle's speech = was better [Today is Bo Burnham's birthday. T= here's probably a gif for that](3D"https=) [Woman watching security cam discovers = maintenance man having intercourse with her cat](3D") [90 year old Catholic F= irst Generation Italian American Grandmother has some thoughts on gay marri= age. And a new recipe for Tuscan Chicken](3D") [Americans are traveling to Oregon to die, presum= ably of dysentery](3D") [Florida lost $1.4B in damage from Hurricane Debby, but it di= d make $1.3M in washed-ashore cocaine](=3D") [Are cocaine sharks s= wimming around Florida? Unlikely, say experts, as only whales have blow hol= es](3D") [Late night shooting at cemetery leaves one man dead, bo= dies everywhere](3D"=) [Boys, it's time to rob Marble Hill blind= a> Fark Weird News Quiz= > (brought to you by ox45tallboy) Another fun t= ime on the Quiz last week. where I spent way too long coming up with c= ooking puns based on Dolly Parton lyrics. On the Quiz itself, HFK= strong> came out on top with 1018, followed by WoolyManwich= trong> in second with 1012 and Russ1642 in third with= 968. Bloodnok made fourth with 950, and MinorThreat1 made it into the top five with 946. The hard= est question on last week's Hard Quiz was about which of the myriad... let'= s say, problematic racist caricatures at Disneyland the park engineers were= finally getting around to fixing. Only 36% of quiztakers knew that their n= ewest target was the insensitive depictions of Native Americans, specifical= ly the depiction of the character of Tiger Lily and her tribe, on Peter&nbs= p;Pan's Flight. (Never mind the fact that tiger lilies are native to East A= sia, making such a name absurd). Let's hope this goes better than 2015's "P= an" when they thought giving the part to a white woman (Rooney Mara) would = make things all better. The easiest question on last week's Hard Qu= iz was about the German Navy Braunschweig F260 corvette that was visit= ing Great Britain to participate in joint maneuvers with the Royal Navy. 91= % of quiztakers knew that the ship's captain thought it would be a brillian= t idea to blast "Imperial March" from "Star Wars" while floating through Lo= ndon on the Thames, and honestly, I can't blame them. It's not like they le= t civilian vessels do this, so when you get the opportunity, go big. The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about modern pop artist= s. Only 46% of quiztakers realized Paris Hilton was still a thing and was i= n the process of recording a music video (wait, those are still a thing?) f= or her new single "Bad biatch Academy" when her trailer caught fire. And 99= .6% of Farkers are now unhappy with me because they now know that Paris Hil= ton is still recording music, a fact that I'm guessing they would have been= just fine being blissfully unaware of. The easiest question on las= t week's Easy Quiz was about which pop artist Farkers might be more familia= r with celebrated her 66th birthday last week with all six of her kids. 90%= of quiztakers knew that Madonna takes motherhood seriously, having two chi= ldren naturally and adopting four more. Janet Jackson is the mother of only= one child, Eissa Al Mana, who she gave birth to in 2017. If you mi= ssed out last week, now is a great time to [catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz](3D" now that you= know a few of the answers. Congratulations once again to the winners, and = we'll do it all again on Friday.](3D"=) --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") f= rom newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click here to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. PO Box 1291, Versailles KY 40383 ------------=_1724949855-49744-9101--