Fark NotNewsletter: Freak Biking Accident

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1717027111-38596-11906 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [(3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 ________________________ A message= from Drew Curtis: ________________________ Hey everyone hope your week's been well We're in the last three days = of the Fark Subscriber drive! We're not far from our goal! Btw = we've set some strict criteria - new recurring subscriptions only. Re= subscribes don't count, neither do one month and one year non-recurring.&nb= sp; Folks who sign up who had lapsed [TotalFark subscriptions](3D" -do- count by the way, so if this i= s you, let's get to 1,000 by midnight Friday! Speaking of, if= we hit our goal I had previously pledged that I would fight Mike Tyson* (M= ike Tyson has not agreed to this as of yet). Looks like he had a heal= th setback this week, I hope he's doing well. It turns out I also had= a health setback this past Saturday - around mile 30 of the Horsey Hundred= I wiped out on my bike bombing a downhill at 39.8 mph according to Strava.= Turns out new center line paint can be extremely slick - a f= riend of mine tells me this question appears on the test to get a motorcycl= e license in Kentucky. I try not to ever cross the center line but ap= parently my front wheel touched it and slid out from under me. I land= ed hard on the back of my head and slid a good 50ft, coming to rest just of= f the road next to a 50ft drop. If I'd gone another five feet I'd hav= e gone over the side which would have been Very Bad. Check out my ins= tagram for pics of what a helmet split almost completely back to front migh= t look like, as well as pictures taken later of my ass hanging out of my tr= ashed bike kit. I felt surprisingly ok after the wreck so I k= ept going - I was also out in the middle of nowhere so it made sense to con= tinue to the next aid station. I got checked out there, they gave me = a concussion test and I passed. They also tried their best to patch u= p the six visible road rash wounds I had. Heather brought me new bike= kit at mile 57, but at mile 67 I started to experience what might have bee= n nausea and since that's a possible symptom of both a concussion and dehyd= ration, I shut it down before completing the full century (100 miles). = Turns out after the fact it wasn't nausea, it was aggregate pain from w= hat ended up being a dozen surface level road rash injuries all over my bod= y. And neck pain. No broken bones but I do have a lot of rib ti= ghtness from the impact of getting thrown to the pavement at 40mph. I= thought about getting an XRay to check for rib fractures but decided not t= o, since they can't really do anything about it if I do have them. I = have a fantastic black eye from I guess where my sunglasses were pushed int= o my right eye socket, I never found the glasses so I don't know for sure h= ow that happened. The iPhone in my back pocket saved me from a huge l= ower back roadrash spot - you can see the gouge it left in the pavement on = my skid on my Instagram if you're so inclined. When I took my trashed= bike kit off, dozens of rocks and sticks fell out. I forgot to check= for those. My bike somehow has very little damage. The= right handlebar gouged a 50ft long one inch-deep scar in the pavement but = far as I can tell no other part of the bike touched the ground? I don= 't know how that's possible but maybe I was holding it up in the air during= the slide. Anyhow I'm taking it in to my bike shop tomorrow to check= for carbon cracks I missed. I rode it another 38 miles after the wreck and= didn't notice any other mechanical issues. Also I need a new helmet.= $50 helmet did its job but looks like actual good helmets are $200+,= I'll be buying one of those. If that helmet had failed I'd be dead.&= nbsp; I'm full of pain still but I feel very very lucky. Not = a lot of bike wrecks at 40mph end up so well. At any rate, the po= int of this whole story is I think I'm ready to fight Mike Tyson now! You s= hould subscribe today to get us to 1,000. No Fark News Livest= ream this week - everyone's schedules are a mess and so is my eye. We= will be back next week for sure! *I stopped using Facebook years a= go but I crosspost IG pics to there. Not all of them cross posted bec= ause I made a joke that we'd need new TF subscribers to replace my broken b= ike equipment, and FB has apparently gone pay-to-play because they refused = to post those specific pics. ________________________ = End Drew transmission ________________________ Top Interactions = Some of the best interactions from the past week. Do note: this tak= es priority over being placed in "top comments." - [Poop thread? Poop thread.](3D")= > - [Mofa](3D"https=), [wildcardjack](3D" , [mikefinch](3D"=), discussed why people set up unmanned pr= oduce stands. - bostonguy, [Cythrau= l](3D"), [Gpzjock](3D"http=), [bostonguy](3D" >, [henryhill](3D".=), [pete1729](3D" = [Meatsim1](3D") ended up discussing out-of-place ethnic restaurants= . Top Comments So= me of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week. I= f your post isn't here, assume that NotNewsletterMonkey co= uldn't think of a tagline. (The Smartest and Funniest for the past month are found elsewhere.) Funny: - New Rising Sun[was distracted= by a completely separate Farkworthy news article.](3D") - = wage0048[knows about the secret chamber behind Lincoln's head. ;) - SpectroBoy](3D"=)[: "Such a novel idea to film wit= h the lens cap on."](3D" Smart: - inglixt= hemad[knows that ammunition is dangerous, even without a gun.](3D"=) - FormlessOne[shared a cool research paper about= queer people during the American colonial era.](3D" - Tw= owheelinTim[may have accidentally described the force behind most = stupid trends.](3D"https://=) - WhackingDay[wonders why thi= s dude shot their driver instead of trying to be a Big Damn Hero.](3D") = - bostonguyknows to be wary of unlimited vacation ti= me. - hardinparamedic[: "Why do you think th= ey would start being parents now?"](3D" [Politics](3D" Politi= cs Funny: - bostonguy[heard someone bring u= p politics in public.](3D" - Badmoodman[shared th= at the crowd was given rubber chickens.](3D") - Lady J= ong>[- the real question is, why does your phone think you want duck feet? - pueblonative](3D")[understands "air his beef" to= mean something a bit different when referring to ol' TFG.](3D" = Politics Smart: - bloobeary[is surprised th= is politician didn't get their ass kicked for the sheer audacity.](3D") = - here to help[used Mad Max to explain the two types = of libertarianism.](3D" - Mr. Coffee Nerves[warns= against creating a martyr out of TFG.](3D") - RandomAxe= trong>[noted that university reputation can be linked to the value of a stu= dent's degree.](3D") - Chariset[remembers when th= e adoption industry was an industry, with all that entails.](3D") - = ;Phaedrus the Vague[highly recommends not using the parent= ing tactics of wild animals.](3D" Monkey's Pick= ong> I felt these posts were exceptionally funny or smart, even tho= ugh they didn't get many votes. Warning: Unsorted, may contain politics.= Funny: - LineNoise[introduced = "How long will it last!?", a donation game their family created.](3D") -= tricycleracer[has a rule of thumb to differentiate "= recession" and "depression."](3D" - Rent Party[f= ound a deodorant with a very... direct name.](3D") Smart= : - New Rising Sun[has an actual photo of M= ount Rushmore, from the visitor's perspective.](3D" - vile= sithknight[knows how forcing a grandparent to change their will la= st-minute will affect your family relationships.](3D"https://w=) [CSB](3D")Sunday Morning the= me - "[The Childhood Toy you'll Neve= r Forget](3D".=)" This week, Farkers were challenged to share thei= r favorite childhood toy. [Funny](3D=): - Cafe= Threads[got their son a Barbie doll.](3D"=) - Gass= y Snake[: "Harry Potter and the Vibrating Broom."](3D".=) - Maladjusted Malcontent[really liked Chuck Berry songs. That= 's my story, and I'm sticking to it.](3D" - Miss Stein= rong>[played with an old empty whiskey bottle. With a music box and dancing= person in the bottom, of course!](3D") [Smart](3D"): -&= nbsp;Duck_of_Doomstill remembers their truly wonderful = favorite toy: a broom. - SpectroBoy[remember= ed the old ripcord-powered toy cars.](3D") - neofonz= g>[obsessed over the old Dark Tower board game.](3D") - Lyt= beir[loved Stick.](3D"=) Top Contest Entries Some of the top-voted [contest](3D" entries from last week. As alw= ays, everybody gets one - and they're sorted by how likely they are to stil= l be open. [Photoshops](=3D" - RedZoneTuba[can't decide which shoes to purchase.](3D"=) - Yamm= ering_Splat_Vector[refuses to stop cooking outdoors, even in the r= ainiest weather.](3D"h=) - EvaDewer[put a new Atlan= tean on the "Chicken of the Sea" cans.](3D") - Thoaar= ng>[committed Cybertronian enlargement surgery.](3D") - Oct= afrye[wonders what Donkey Kong's up to nowadays.](3D"=) - I_Am_Weasel[can't stop fishing up shoes.](3D"h=) - samsquatch[discovered all that remains of Indiana Jones.](3D"htt=)= - Stephen_Falken[couldn't help but see a roller= coaster in this fence's bend.](3D" - pup.socket = really should warn that baseball player about that incoming boot to the hea= d. - SubsequentDamage[discovered a drunk an= d lost baseball player.](3D" - flamingboard[encou= ntered the Devil's own Target.](3D") - bathbone[fo= und the Pink Panther's family jewel.](3D") - Vortex Dweller= [knows where Johnny is.](3D"=) - hammettman= >[got a degree in "living in mom's basement."](3D") - Mojo= ngo[found the Dino Trail at Jurassic Park.](3D"=) - p51d007[found Gladys & Tyrone after they had to get a new ben= ch.](3D"=) - Mock26[finally delivered the Knights a= shrubbery.](3D" - west.la.lawyer[relocated a for= mer president to a bomb test site.](3D") - Vortex Dweller= strong>[really didn't want them to wear a helmet.](3D") - [Bonus: = a>sdinter](3D")[had to wear a bike helmet to a debate.](3D"ht=) = - fisker[committed brain surgery on the sun.](=3D" - James_Corn[stirred the witches' cauldron.](3D" [Capti= ons](3D"=): "[Caption this toothy yet tender t= ease](3D"h=)" ([image](3D".=)) - That Other Dan[: "Pull m= y finger."](3D") - RedZoneTuba[told a prince jok= e.](3D") - 6655321[can't help but see this politic= al figure as a statue.](3D" - EbolaNYC[: "Well, I'= m not surprised you didn't get that. It was in fact a trick question: Coven= try City have never won the FA Cup."](3D") "[Caption these p= erching pigeons](3D")" ([image](3D"https:=)) - Biscuit Tin[r= ealized they'd only discovered a Danny DeVito doppelganger.](3D") - = ;Gordon Bennet[sold nose-picking pigeons.](=3D" "[Caption this social interaction](3D")" ([image](3D" - RedZoneTuba[: "...Imagine, suburban white kids pretending to hav= e street cred!"](3D"https=) - Fark in the Wind[shared an= ancient calculator trick.](3D") "[Caption these pensio= ners at Chelsea](3D")" ([image](3D"https:=)) - bearded clamorer= ng>[: "That breeze is refreshing."](3D") - RedZoneTuba= ng>[created murder plans to get off work early.](3D") [Farktography them= e:](3D") "[Solar Storm](3D"http=)" This week, Farkers were chall= enged to show us photos of aurorae, sunspots, and solar prominences - after= all, we had a historically massive solar storm this month. -&nbs= p;orionid[captured a shooting star. During an aurora.](3D"ht=) - Uncle_Git[saw the snow change color with the a= urora.](3D" - Lovesandwich[watched a false sunri= se. Or was it a sunset?](3D" - Elsinore[... Is tha= t the ol' Loch Ness Monster's ghost?](3D") [Upcoming Fark= Parties](3D" It's easy to plan for a Fark Party - you're ef= fectively saying that "I'm going to be here at this time, come hang out." Submit one! [Shakespea= re in Delaware Park Opening Night Reception. Buffalo, New York. June 20th, = 5:30PM](3D") [NYS Craft Brewer's Fes= tival - Canalside Buffalo, June 22, 2-6PM](3D") Fark Headlines of the Week A se= lection of some of the top headlines from last week. [Russia de= nies launching a 'space weapon' in the path of a US satellite, which virtua= lly guarantees that there's a shipping container filled with conscripts arm= ed with sharp sticks in orbit right now](3D") [On this day in history, in 1969, the horrifi= c battle for Hamburger Hill began, a costly military debacle which would ha= ve been far easier only two years later with the 1971 invention of Hamburge= r Helper](3D") [$600 Willy](3D"https:/=) [Okay, Boomer](3D") Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you b= y ox45tallboy) Another fun time on the Quiz last week, = where we learned that expensive purses are not meant to be used in the mann= er they are shown in advertisements. On the Quiz itself, ProfessorT= erguson came out on top with 1026, followed by Mithra= ic_bullshiat in second with 1007 and jnelson884= ng> in third with 956. Denjiro came in fourth with 95= 2, and schubie and mrs. badcrumble t= ied for fifth with 938. The hardest question on last week's H= ard Quiz was about which state has the highest percentage of OnlyFans conte= nt creators. Only 21% of quiztakers caught the article about how Conne= cticut, the state with literally nothing to do except drive to another stat= e, has a ton of people willing to get naked for money, presumably gas money= so they can go to another state to find something to do. The= easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about which estate some= "investment group" attempted to auction off based on some paperwork that s= eemed shadier than a late-night infomercial for a reverse mortgage. 84% of = quiztakers knew that someone appears to be attempting to take advantage of = the recent passing of Lisa Marie Presley and is claiming she took out a $3,= 8 million loan against the Graceland estate. Efforts to contact the aliens = who Lisa Marie's father currently resides with for comment have thus far be= en unsuccessful. The hardest question on last week's Easy Qui= z was about where to get a "Nuggs Party Pack", a bucket containing supposed= ly 50 (but possibly as little as 46) chicken nuggets and dipping sauce. Onl= y 41% of quiztakers knew that this was now a thing at Wendy's, the chain th= at also has Hot Honey and Ghost Pepper Ranch sauces. A bucket of 50 chicken= nuggets doesn't exactly scream "party" to me, more like "sit in your under= wear and play video games all weekend", which sounds infinitely more satisf= ying. The easiest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about which= restaurant chain had filed for the big Chapter 11. 98% of quiztakers knew = that you better find a good copycat recipe for Cheddar Bay biscuits because= the real thing might be gone for good in the not-too-distant future, as th= e private equity company that owns Red Lobster might decide it's worth more= dead than alive and employing thousands of people. If you mi= ssed out last week, now's a great time to [catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz](3D" now that you = know a few of the answers. Congratulations once again to the winners, and w= e'll do it all again on Friday --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") f= rom newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click here to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. PO Box 1291, Versailles KY 40383 = ------------=_1717027111-38596-11906--