Fark NotNewsletter: Revenge of the Slatted Chair Thread

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1716406175-74418-12146 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [(3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 ________________________ A message= from Drew Curtis: ________________________ Hey everyone hope your week's been well.= span> We're in a really weird news cy= cle right now. Emphasis on the weird - some weeks there's plenty of m= aterial for the Fark News Livestream and some weeks I've had to punt becaus= e there wasn't enough. No idea what's going on out there in the world= causing this, but the amount of Fark-worthy stories popping up lately is a= bout double what I'd consider to be a normal banner week. In particular, the number of police blotter art= icles is through the roof. Those are unusual because they have a spec= ific format that requires journalists to report only on what the police dec= ide to release to the public. There are often large holes in these st= ories because the police aren't allowed to allege or assert anything other = than facts, which usually makes for a bizarre portrayal in the news. = For example, this week one article mentioned that a man showed up a the loc= al DMV and started throwing fish and carrots everywhere causing $9,000 in d= amages. And that's it - no other details. Law enforcement and j= ournalists aren't permitted to guess at people's motivations for doing thin= gs, so unless the man was shouting "This is for that BS speeding ticket you= wrote me" or "Damn I love meth", nothing can be said about it in the subse= quent news article. FWIW if I had to guess, it's the latter. Bu= t we don't know. On that note,= even though there's tons of material, no livestream this week - sch= edules interfered, so it goes. We'll be back next week with a four ho= ur show. Not really, but we could probably do one. I'll pare it down.= ________________________ End Drew = transmission ________________________ Top Interactions Some of the best interactio= ns from the past week. Do note: this takes priority over being plac= ed in "top comments." - Today, we meet for an auspicious occasion: The rebirth of the= slatted chair thread. Top Comments Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest com= ments from the past week. If your post isn't here, assume that N= otNewsletterMonkey couldn't think of a tagline. (The [Smartest](3D") and [Funniest](3D") for the past mon= th are found elsewhere.) Funny: - neilix= [wishes people would close their windows.](3D"=) - = oopsboom[wonders where their nerf guns went.](3D"=) - EvilEgg[pointed out more reasons it's a bad idea to be in a rel= ationship with someone who's underaged.](3D"https://w=) Smart: -&= nbsp;bearded clamorer[has a friend who (sorta) turned thei= r life around after getting a liver transplant.](3D" - kco= ombs69[knows how much money cooking saves them.](3D"=) - RaceDTruck[knows how to not accidentally carry guns everywhe= re.](3D"htt=) - MrBallou[... Well, that's one = of the perks of being an Olympic athlete.](3D" - RolandTGu= nner[suggests a way to avoid a possible scam.](3D"=) [Politics=](3D" Politics Funny: - Snarfangel[fo= und an amendment where you could sneak in a statement about unstylish court= papers.](3D") - duppy[knows that the 'no one' in = 'no one wants to work anymore' extends further than you'd think.](3D" -= gunther_bumpass[joked about the type of dictator who= stays away from helicopters.](3D" Politics Smart: -&n= bsp;Unobtanium[knew a few law firm runners who wanted to = dress up as men in black, just once.](=3D" - bloobeary= ong>[knows what not to do during a debate.](3D") - jake3988= [can't believe the idiocy of trying to flee a warrant.](3D"=) -&= nbsp;DannyBrandtthinks it would be brilliant if the presi= dential debates included TFG bingo. - Somacandra= ong>[shared a golf-themed explanation of school vouchers.](3D") = Monkey's Pick I felt these posts were exception= ally funny or smart, even though they didn't get many votes. Warning: Un= sorted, may contain politics. Funny: - S= narfangel[ah yes, Zombie Loans.com, an offshoot of zombo.com](3D"=) - Pharmdawg[discovered the ninja emoji.](3D" [CSB](3D"https://w=)S= unday Morning theme - "[That one time at graduation" This week, Farkers were challenged to share gradu= ation stories. Any graduation, not just yours.](3D")[Funny](3D"): -&= nbsp;blasterz['gifted' an earworm to their friend's gran= dma.](=3D" - holdmybones[pranked his buddy by cal= ling him during graduation.](3D" - The Pope of Manwich Vil= lage[: "Out of a graduating class of 475, we had 16 pregnant ones."=](3D"=) - blasterz[tested to see if the Secretary o= f Transportation would lose their marbles.](3D" [Smart](3D"): -&= nbsp;Miss Stein[saw a graduate in her brother's graduating= class flash the audience. and have a pretty darn nice life afterward.](=3D" - Circusdog320[still tears up when they remember= a heartwarming show of support for their son.](3D" - Gumb= all T Watterson[has a tradition of gifting toolboxes to women grad= uates.](3D"http=) - heywood-jablome[turned a graduati= on nightmare into a legal victory.](3D") Top Contest Entries Some of the top-voted [contest](3D" entries from last wee= k. As always, everybody gets one - and they're sorted by how likely they ar= e to still be open. [Photoshops](3D" - Bumche= ese[was chased by someone (Weird Al!) running with scissors.](3D"=) - EvaDewer[ponders getting some new ideas.](3D" - I_Am_Weasel[knows these chairs belong in a Star = Trek bridge.](3D" - RedZoneTuba[saw a star chil= d observe the Earth.](3D") - James_Corn[ate Burger= man.](3D") - Thoaar[: "🎵I CAME IN LIKE A CH= ANDELIER~🎵"](3D" - Yammering_Splat_Vector= [found an even better reason for TFG to be scared of birds.](3D") -&nb= sp;opalakea[plans to steal the entire banquet.](3D"=) -&= nbsp;fisker[can't deal with this ace from an Iron Maiden c= over when they're hungry.](3D"=) - Cioccolata[wants= back into the Tardis.](3D") - Mock26[doesn't reme= mber this Thomas episode](3D") - GoodDoctorB[disco= vered a distant relative of the Charmin bears. Emphasis on 'distant'.](3D") - bathbone[watched a (cartoon) Canadian mountie s= et up a picnic on a Canadian mountain.](3D" - Noj Grebella= k[designed a new peacock fashion, with 100% less peacocks!](3D"=) - SansNeural[knows who could fit in this tiny car= .](3D" - traylor[suggests that Yogi Bear is a far= ker.](3D" - whatsupchuck[saw a giant slip on a to= y-sized (to them) car.](3D" - Large Marge sent me= [barely escaped the explosion of the Death Star Saturn.](3D") - SubsequentDamage[discovered several hazards in this house. - Stephen_Falken](=3D" the perfect album for= this quintet of USBs to star in.](3D" - p51d007 = knows the best artists turn out to be knife murderers. None of this 'axe-mu= rderer' nonsense. - Thoaar[really should b= uy a barn.](3D") [Captions](3D" "[Caption this= mother and child at the park](3D")" ([image](3D" - OtherLittleGu= y[: "What's the Eastern Conference Finals?" ()explain pls](3D"=) = - TrollingForColumbine[has a buffalo-themed dad joke to = tell you.](3D" "[Caption this coach and his player](3D"https=)" ([ima= ge](3D")) - Jesus McSordid[started this kid early on mi= lking penalties for all they're worth.](3D" - RedZoneTuba= ng>[ordered a kid to forget their fish.](3D") "[Caption King Charles III and whatever the hell this bloody = mess is](3D")" ([image](3D"=)) - orneryredguy[now sees the = consequences of offhandedly remarking that they want to be a tampon.](3D") - markie_farkie's nightmare was captured perfectly.= > [Farktography theme:](3D"https=) "[Coffee Shops= and Tea Rooms](3D")" This week, Farkers were challenged to show us coffee= shops or tea rooms and/or the beverages, people, and things found inside t= hem. Permission has been granted to DIY this with your own drinks/brewing e= quipment/whatever. - Ambitwistor[immortalized th= is tasty pastry display tray.](3D") - firsttiger[w= ent for a more traditionally-asian tea ceremony.](3D") - Lo= vesandwich[savored these biscuits and coffee.](3D"https://w=) - Elsinore[finds art and beauty even at Starbucks](3D"https:/=) [Upcoming Fark Parties](3D") It's easy to plan for a= Fark Party - you're effectively saying that "I'm going to be here at this = time, come hang out." [Submit one!](3D"https:=) [Shakespeare in Delaware Park Opening Night Reception. Buffalo, = New York. June 20th, 5:30PM](3D") [N= YS Craft Brewer's Festival - Canalside Buffalo, June 22, 2-6PM](3D") Fark Headlines of the Week A selection of some of the top headlines from last week. [Another one? Must be pier pressure](3D") [Several stabbed in Zofigen, Switz= erland, by attacker with knife, screwdriver, cork opener and scissors](3D") [Potato News Today ends all contact with Israel amid senseless v= iolence in Palestine, proving that no crimes can be hidden from someone wit= h that many eyes](3D") [Sing= us a song, you're the Plano Man, sing us a song tonight. Well, we've got y= our car on a trailer hook, and we're in the mood for a fight](3D=) [Demolition crews have reached the "bombs bursting in air" phase of the F= rancis Scott Key Bridge cleanup](3D") [San Francisco seeing surge= in starving brown pelicans. White pelicans able to afford consistent meals= and good healthcare](3D") Kentucky gives up on children, focuse= s educational efforts on feral hogs [Catholic priest sparks outrag= e after suggesting that Jesus brought his own wood to the crucifixion](3D") [Male doctors kill women. Maybe they should replace them with bears](3D") Fark Weird News Quiz = span> (brought to you by ox45tallboy) Another fun time = on the Quiz this week, where we learned not all cars benefit from a Gucci m= akeover. On the Quiz itself, reachforthetop9 came out on t= op with 1037, followed by MinorThreat1 in second with= 1030 and WoolyManwich in third with 1025, fr= eakingmoron made fourth with 1020, and in a three-way tie for fift= h we have KRSESQ, JasonOfOrillia, an= d Oliver Twisted all with 993. The hardest qu= estion on last week's Hard Quiz was about the French guy Mohamed "the = Fly" Amra. Only30% of quiztakers caught the article about him being busted = out of a prison transport in an operation that would have been right at hom= e in a Michael Bay movie. Amra's day job appears to be drug trafficking wit= h a side of kidnapping resulting in death, so let's hope les gendarmes are = able to nab him quickly and maybe do future court appearances via Zoom.&nbs= p; The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about which co= mic apologized for his role as executive producer (and star of) "Bee Movie"= for its "sexual undertones". 95% of quiztakers knew this was Jerry Seinfel= d, who apparently never watched Looney Tunes as a kid - or maybe watched th= em too much. The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was abou= t which actor is reprising his role from the Spider-Verse animated series i= n an upcoming live-action production. Only 53% of quiztakers recognized the= voice of Nicholas Cage as Spider-Man: Noir, which is set to begin filming = this fall. The easiest question on last week's Easy Quiz was = about the meaning of the word "instigate". 99% of quiztakers knew that it m= eant to cause or provoke something into happening. I always thought it was = a one-piece unit you can buy from Tractor Supply to quickly replace a secti= on of fencing and give you easy access to your pasture. If yo= u missed out last week, now's a great time to [catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz](3D". Congratu= lations once again to the winners, and we'll do it all again next week. = p> --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") f= rom newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click here to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. PO Box 1291, Versailles KY 40383 = ------------=_1716406175-74418-12146--