Fark NotNewsletter: The Aurora Visited Us, This Time

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1715812102-39576-12395 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [(3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 ________________________ A message= from Drew Curtis: ________________________ Hey everyone hope your week's been well. Thanks to everyon= e who stopped into our first ever Pitch Yourself for a TotalFark membership thread.&nbs= p; It went really well, there were some awesome pitches in there. Sor= ry I forgot to run it last Friday, stuff came up. You know how it goe= s. Anyhow our May subscription drive continues apace - if we hit 1,00= 0 new TotalFark subs I'll fight Mike Tyson (*Mike Tyson has not yet agreed = to this). There has been a recent upswing in folks who would rather s= ee me fight Neil Degrasse Tyson, I'm fine going that route as well. Speaking of being busy, it's end of school season around here. Anyho= w, I always forget that the end of May has a high school awards ceremony pr= actically every night. We had two last night. On top of t= hat there's a three day bike ride coming up over Memorial Day and I'm tryin= g to heal up my knee in time to be able to do it. Slipped my ACL in m= y sleep about a week ago (old soccer injury, happens every year or two).&nb= sp; Normally it heals up in 3 days or so but not this time - so I've been a= ggressively icing and rehabbing it this week. Will try a 50 mile ride= on Sunday and see how it goes. I'm optimistic. If it hurts I'l= l shut it down and just try the 100 mile ride next week on two weeks rest.&= nbsp; On a completely different note, I noticed that [CNN is working on adapting BBC's Have I Got News for You for= the US.](3D") I don't suppose anyone knows the folks working on it? O= r for that matter does anyone know any mainstream media productions that mi= ght be able to otherwise use unlimited weird news content? We've been= doing the Fark News Livestream for four years now, and part of the process= includes curating the best of the best every week. There's so much m= aterial that I'm dumping at least half the candidate articles every week.&n= bsp; We usually have enough material to do two shows a week but time doesn'= t permit unfortunately. I'd love to collaborate with anyone = - Good Morning America, Jimmy Fallon, SNL, and of course the Daily Show if = anyone knows anyone at those places. Or any other - I'm sitting on to= p of an unlimited pile of material over here. If anyone knows= anyone looking for comedic news material, please have them get in touch.= strong> I'm kinda hopeful the guy pulling the bumper stories from Fark for= Morning Edition drops me a line wink wink. His name is also Mike, no= t to be confused with Mike, who keeps this whole operation= running. Thursday 4pm it's the [Fark = News Livestream](3D") with definitely me and Dill! Christine has some w= ork thing going on involving travel so she's a maybe. Lucky is still tied u= p. Dill however has risen to the occasion and is carrying the whole p= roduction singlehandedly. I'm definitely looking forward to this week= 's installment of our new segment "Dill has to read this off-color headline= " because we're loaded for material this week yet again. Come join us= live -or- check the stream out later at your convenience, they stay up for= two weeks. ________________________ End Drew = transmission ________________________ Top Interactions Some of the best = interactions from the past week. Do note: this takes priority over = being placed in "top comments." - There were not [one](3D"), but [two](3D" Aurora Borealis threads. = - [Farkers d= iscussed the one person at Tesla to fire to increase morale across the boar= d. Their answer? STEVE](3D"=). (Posts: [TaDu](3D" [Dest= ructor](3D"), [Angry Drunk Bureaucrat](3D=), D= estructor, [mofa](3D"=), [The Exit Stencilist,](3D" [Wireless= Joe,](3D") [Gordon Bennett](3D"=)) Top Comments Some of the top-voted smartest and fun= niest comments from the past week. If your post isn't here, assume that = NotNewsletterMonkey couldn't think of a tagline. (The Smartest and [Funniest](3D") for the p= ast month are found elsewhere.) Funny: - Martian_Astronomer[shared a to-the-point summary of a male bee's = life, putting the Cheerios mascot in a new light.](3D"=) - N= ick Nostril[swears they saw this tornado somewhere before.](3D"https://=) (Evil Mackerel's [post below](=3D" has the clip) - Marcos P[shared an image illustrating what it might've been = like if there really was an Aurora Borealis localized entirely within Princ= ipal Skinner's kitchen.](3D"https=) - bearded clamorer[: = "Upper Decker."](3D") Smart: - G. Tarrant[knows there's precedent for forcing businesses to include their fe= es in the listed price.](3D"=) - BunkyBrewman[knows= to watch out for deepfakes.](3D") - Mock26[knows = that any surprise fees in AirBnBs are complete bogus, and can be ignored.= a> - Tyrone Slothrop](3D")[learned that fear and paran= oia increases gun sales.](3D" [Politics](3D" Politics Funny:= m> - PreMortem[This makes a lot more sense if yo= u read the article's tagline.](3D" Politics Smart: -&n= bsp;BeesNuts[remembers historical confederate culture shoc= k.](3D=) - Alebak[wonders how long they expected u= s to be angry about abortion.](3D" - Mugato["mobb= ed up tax cheating con man"... Sounds like song lyrics to me!](3D") -&nb= sp;Arxane[has strong opinion on Raw Story.](3D"ht=) - = ;edmo[: "People can be very patriotic when they don't have = do anything but spout an opinion."](3D"https:=) - aaronx = wrote a summary of a three-step political strategy. Monkey's Pick I felt these posts were exceptionally f= unny or smart, even though they didn't get many votes. Warning: Unsorted= , may contain politics. Funny: - Shostie= [: "Sort of like; if you can imagine, the end of Mrs. Doubtfire but= with Nazis." (No, I will not explain it for you.)](3D"=) Smart= m>: - Wiley Poster[used to do an 'old-timey' var= iant of keeping too many browser tabs open at once.](3D" - Feel_the_velvet[realized that our very own Mike = lives near a structure that (may have) inspired a Journey album cover.](3D"htt=) - jayfurr[jesus, man. having your birthday forgo= tten is awful.](3D" - meathome[you too???](3D") [CSB = a>Sunday Morning theme](3D"https:=) - "[That time yo= u were on TV](3D")" This week, Farkers were challenged t= o share the time(s) they ended up on television. If any, of course. [Funny=](3D"): - SunflowerKitten[went to the wrong house,= and got interviewed.](3D" - hershy799[accidental= ly revealed their family ate non-kosher foods.](3D") - Cafe= Threads['s hair was the star of the segment](3D"=)' - Exhume me for National Pop Goes the Weasel Day[... This is just= a picture of the "COPS" show logo.](3D") [Smart](3D"): - Groupon boob job[experienced what it was like, being on a h= ome improvement show.](=3D" - Lorelle[was a child = on children's TV. (Bonus shoutout to Emilio Delgado, who played Luis on Ses= ame Street.)](3D") - RolandTGunner[worked for Farm= Aid II, and got to meet Joe Walsh and Willie Nelson.](3D") - FriarReb98[was a background sousaphone-ist.](3D"https:=) Top Contest Entries Some o= f the top-voted [contest](3D".=) e= ntries from last week. As always, everybody gets one - and they're sorted b= y how likely they are to still be open. ["Who Wants a TotalFark Sub= scription" Pitch Contest](3D") In this thread, for the first= time ever, we asked you Farkers to give us your best pitch(es) as = to why you should be a TotalFarker. The thread celebrates = one of the awesome things about TotalFarkers - some of them like to [subscribe](3D")others who, f= or whatever reason, can't subscribe themselves at the moment. If your p= itch was good enough, well, maybe someone would gift you TotalFark! (And= it didn't have to be true, either!) Drew [explaine= d it better.](3D") Here's the top Funniest and Smartest-voted= posts: [Funny](3D"http=): -&nb= sp;the Mole of Production[says they burned down rf= enster's house.](3D" - Aquapope[: "But if= you're giving away a subscription you should give it to me so it doesn't g= o to some degenerate who will abuse it."](3D") - rfenster= strong>[says their house was burned down by rabid turkeys.](3D") - = cyberspacedout[knows what a TF-worthy pitch looks like.= a> [Smart](3D"=): - steklo](=3D" who got the most Funny votes last year, proposed a 'fun= niest farker' reward.](3D"=) - headslacker[still mi= sses their cat.](3D") - Big Merl[can't have TF d= ue to multiple organ failure.](3D") - soporific[: "= My relationship with Fark lasted longer than my marriage."](3D") - = Pfighting Polishholds rookie numbers. You've gotta bump t= hose numbers up! (But seriously, 18/49 submitted links ain't bad.) = - Hobodeluxethinks Fark gives them faith for human= ity. Really? This place? [Photoshops](3D" - = EvaDewer[found a spot for a spearthrower in a classic Brav= eheart scene.](3D"htt=) - RedZoneTuba[gave Edith Ann = (Sesame Street) a comfier chair.](3D") - Yammering_Splat_Ve= ctor[animated the aurora.](3D"=) (Epilepsy warning!) - I_Am_Weasel[found someone proudly wearing Hello Kitty Battle A= rmor.](3D"http=) - fisker[chased a butterfly into a war= zone.](3D" - Bumcheese[knows what happens to bu= gs in your toilet.](3D" - Stephen_Falken[wonders = what to do with this monolith.](3D") - Thoaar[, del= ivering a baby with the bros.](3D") - bathbone[rep= laced the watch. You're sure that'll fit up there?](3D") - = nitropissering[threatens to run over not one, but two dogs.](3D"https=) - Mock26caught King Kong asserting its dominance.= - RedZoneTuba[cannot believe how stinky tho= se farts get.](3D" - whatsupchuck[invested in a f= ancy magic sign for their beer place.](3D") - sdinter= ng>[oh no! That's not bread, that's Sponge(bob) cake!](3D") - drayno76[caught two ghost ships, passing in the night.](3D"https://=) = - SubsequentDamage[unearthed one of the Millenium Fa= lcon's turrets.](3D" - kabloink[made the pilgri= mage to the mythical Longcat.](3D") - p51d007[remo= deled an empty basement into a mancave.](3D") - Mojongo= rong>[NOW IS THE SUMMER OF OUR DISCO TENTS. YES!](3D") - ja= ylight2003[bought the mother of all guns.](3D"https://w=) (sidenote: [its imfdb page](3D") is weirdly detailed.) - pocketg= oose[really didn't want to see this man's bulge.](3D"=) = [Captions= >](3D"=): "[= Caption this municipal employee](3D"https://=)" ([image](3D" - whatsupchuc= k[knows exactly why not to throw out your sex toys.](3D"=) - RedZoneTuba[remembers the Sopranos](3D"h=) - Petey= 4335[can't wait for the day they can own their own business.](3D"=) - kmgenesis23hates cul-de-sacs. - = JD[, well that's oddly specific. And a little worrying, t= oo.](3D".=) "[Caption these beginner crafters](3D"=)" ([image](3D")= ) - Devolving_Spud[knows exactly what people do when = given creative freedom.](3D" - RedZoneTuba[doesn't wan= t Mr Stewart in the art class.](3D") - SloppyFrenchKisser= g>[visited a Bob Ross class.](3D") "[Caption this coordinated= leap](3D")" ([image](3D"=)) - Ragin' Asian[: "White people.= "](3D") - RedZoneTuba[hopes everyone knows that it's im= possible to walk on water.](3D" "[Caption these San= Francisco sunbathers](3D")" ([image](3D"=)) - Stephen_Falken= g>[couldn't resist singing along to Scarborough Fair.](3D") - 66= 55321[: "Sitting on the dock by the bay..." While listening to the = Otis Redding song of (almost) the same name.](3D"=) "[Caption= this learning lineman](3D")" ([image](3D=)) - RedZoneTuba= [remixed a song for a lineman in the country.](3D") - kb7rky= strong>[knows how to go to hell before you die.](3D") "[Capti= on this connected couple](3D")" ([image](=3D" - RedZoneTuba= ng>[heard someone mistake their phone for the TV remote. I hope my eyesight= never gets that bad!](3D") - brainlordmesomorph[found = someone improbable on OnlyFans.](3D") [Farktography theme:](3D" "[Happy Farktography Anniversary 19](3D"=)"This week, Farkers were challenged to post their highest vote getters or= favorite photos since May 2023. Emphasis on the 'favorite photos,= ' but prior entries, HDR, stacked, stitched & text-added photos were on= ly eligible if they'd been used in a contest since 5/10/23. - common sense is an oxymoron[fondly remembers this blue bird. - Lord Ezekiel](3D" get the eclipse out of = their head.](3D" - MorningBreath[took the time t= o visit a colorful lake in the fall.](3D") - Lovesandwich= strong>[wanted to preserve this memory of their dog forever.](3D") -&nbs= p;Elsinore[waited for the sun to kiss the sea.](3D"h=) [Upcoming Fark Parties](3D") It's easy to plan f= or a Fark Party - you're effectively saying that "I'm going to be here at t= his time, come hang out." [Submit one!](3D"ht=) [- NYS Craft Brewer's Festival - Canalside Buffalo, June 22, 2-6PM](3D".=) Fark Headlines of t= he Week A selection of some of the top headlines from last = week. [You know thi= ngs are bad when the scientists go on strike (Subby and his picket sign are= at the 1 minute mark). Tag is for the offer we got](3D"=) [I like= Big Butte and I cannot lie, you litterbug thugs aren't fly. When a girl wa= lks by all that sh*tty little waste, all that green glass in your face? You= get hung--on the wall with that stuff, doin' art instead of raisin' a huff= . Make bric-a-brac](3D") [Rare cello worth about $250,000 stolen. S= o if you're considering a life of crime, remember, there's always room for = cello](=3D") [Jesus Christ](3D"=) [Slaughterhouse Fine= a>](3D")[Car crash leads to grizzly discovery](3D".=) [Panic= strikes as Delta flight 604 elects a new Pope after landing](3D") [Perhaps the victims should have chosen rock instead of paper](3D") Fark Weird News Quiz = (brought to you by ox45tallboy) Another fun time on the= Quiz this week, where we learned to be careful who you shake hands with. O= n the Quiz itself, SoundOfOneHandWanking comes out on top = with 1017 and an entry to the 1000 club and a hearty handshake from me, fol= lowed by Denjiro in second with 945 and = SecondaryControl in third with 941. No Catchy Nicknam= e made fourth with 906, and freakingmoron ro= unds out the top five with 901. The hardest question on last = week's Hard Quiz was about the company called AdVon. Only 32% of quiztakers= knew that they're a company that until recently paid people to write fake = reviews on websites - not for the benefit of the product, but the company p= roviding a legitimate review of the product. A high number of reviews = will result in a higher Google search ranking and drive traffic to a site y= ou might look to when purchasing a new car or computer. Since the work= was dull, repetitive, and monotonous, it was only a matter of time until t= he reviewers were replaced with AI. And yes, this is the same company that = was using AI to write articles for Sports Illustrated last year. = The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about which beve= rage a Pennsylvania court has declared to be a soda. 72% of quiztakers caug= ht the article about a woman who sued over the 48 cents she was taxed in 20= 19 when she purchased two bottles of Perrier mineral water. The court= ruled that because it was carbonated, under the law it was a "soft drink" = and not "water" and thus subject to the tax. I find it fitting that only a = Perrier consumer would have the time and money to sue over 48 cents - and l= ose. The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about = writer-director Tom Six and his newest project, a horror movie about women = who.... ummm, "enjoy" seeing others be tortured, and create a secret societ= y to... "enjoy" watching this happen. Only 70% of quiztakers recognized Tom= Six as the name behind "The Human Centipede" movies, the 21st century equi= valent of those VHS movies we'd watch in our best friend['s basement in the= 80s and 90s. Mr. Six says at this point he doesn't think the film will eve= r be released because it's too graphic, which means he's drumming up hype a= nd it will definitely be released. The easiest question on la= st week's Easy Quiz was about the new name for the Boy Scouts. 97% of quizt= akers knew that they shall henceforth be known as "Scouting America", so if= you had a pending legal action against "Boy Scouts of America", too bad.&n= bsp; If you missed out last week, now's a great time to [catch up on the Fark Weird News = Quiz](3D" now that you know a few of the answers. Congratulations once again= to the winners, and we'll do it all again on Friday. --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") f= rom newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click here to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. PO Box 1291, Versailles KY 40383 = ------------=_1715812102-39576-12395--