Fark NotNewsletter: May Subscription Drive - if we can get 1,000 new TotalFark subscribers in the next 30 days Drew will fight Mike Tyson*

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1714597110-66935-12893 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [(3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 ________________________ A message= from Drew Curtis: ________________________ Hey everyone hope your week's been well. Welcome to May - and o= ur first ever TF Subscription Drive month. We're hoping to get= 1,000 new [TotalFark](3D".=)= > subscribers in 30 days. Since it is customary to have goals for the= se sorts of things, [I= asked TotalFarkers what stunts we should do to encourage people to sign up= in a TF-exclusive thread](3D"https://=). One of the benefits of being a TotalFa= rk subscriber is getting to have advance input on things like this. I= f you'd like to get in on that action, [sign up today](3D" and head over to [(3D" I asked TotalFarkers for promotional ideas in [this TotalFark thread](3D" also linked above= , and I'm happy to say we have a winner, suggested by none other than Ass_Master_Flash, a fantastic username concept if there ever wa= s one: If Fark gets 1,000 new subscribers in May, I will fight M= ike Tyson*. * Mike Tyson has not agreed to this but I promise to ask= him [after he's done destroying Jake Paul](3D") if he's fee= ls like thrashing someone a second time. I'd offer to fight L= owtax (creator of SomethingAwful) but that ship has sailed unfortu= nately. There were many other good suggestions.&n= bsp; Myschief suggested I eat two tubs of cheese balls if = we hit 1,000 - but I think I'd rather take on Mike Tyson. Another f= antastic and popular idea, first suggested by Gilatrout, w= as Fark bourbon. As luck would have it I live near at least a dozen n= ationally known bourbon distilleries and they all do barrel picks. Th= ey're a little pricey but if you're interested, I could put something toget= her for folks who want to do the barrel pick. Split 10 ways, everyone= gets bottles. Or we just sell them. Who's interested? An= d which distillery? I have the best connections at Castle and Key, lo= cally famous but nationally under the radar so far. They'll be huge e= ventually. This week, the Fark News Livestr= eam is back Thursday 4pm est with definitely me and Di= ll and possibly a special guest. Lucky's still out, and Christine got= jury duty again like she does every year. I've only ever been called= once, which is nice. Of note this week, I saw the coolest article I = have read in awhile about a thing I had not heard about before. It wa= s on Fark but I'm not sure it was even in the top 100 most popular links th= is week. I'll tell you why it's cool on the livestream. Also, w= hat's the deal with H5N1 - a comprehensive, funny, but thorough dive into w= hat's appearing in the news cycle. ________________________ = End Drew transmission ________________________ Top Interactions = Some of the best interactions from the past week. Do note: this tak= es priority over being placed in "top comments." - Khelle= ndros and co. discussed the logistics of layoffs. (Posts: = [Khellendros](3D"), [Lunakki](3D"=), [baron vo= n doodle](3D"), [mongbiohazard](3D"https=), [baron vo= n doodle](3D"), [mongbiohazard](3D"https=)) - the unabomber was right and others [began a discussion on dub= iously-legal ways companies try to keep their employees.](3D" - Fa= rkers in [T= his Thread](3D"=) came up with new FBI names for the TFG classified d= ocuments investigation. To= p Comments Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest commen= ts from the past week. If your post isn't here, assume that NotN= ewsletterMonkey couldn't think of a tagline. (The [Smartest](3D" and [Funniest](3D" for the past month a= re found elsewhere.) Funny: - Stantz= rong>[became very, very friendly with (a) Minnie Mouse.](3D") - leviosaurus[knows exactly where Texas spends all its electric= ity.](3D"htt=) - OdradekRex[knows how to make the mo= st of excessive farts.](3D" - The All-Powerful Atheismo= trong>[: "Well maybe people would want to live there if it wasn't overrun by= chickens."](3D") - Nimbull[prophesized the Great= Florida Mans Migration.](3D" - New Rising Sun[wo= nders why Rocky Mount got such a bad picture.](3D") Smart: - hugramthanks a once-coworker for being the r= eason they have a retirement fund. - RodneyToady= ong>[knows what'll take you out of the mood faster than goatse.](3D") -&= nbsp;Madman drummers bummers[wonders if an insistence on o= thers having kids is a dogwhistle for something worse.](3D" - HotWingConspiracy[can't see why anyone would consent to that= .](=3D" - MythDragon[recommends you check the lega= lity of a non-compete clause before actually following it.](3D" - = maddogdelta[researched why teachers don't try to break up = fights.](3D"=) - TaDu[suggests you freeze your cred= it, to prevent social security number fraud.](3D" [Politics](3D" Politics Funny: - bloobeary[wonders if th= is politician's trying to complete the country song checklist.](3D") -&n= bsp;Dr. Bison[found a physical explanation for this retr= action.](=3D" - Ragin' Asian[noticed a complete 18= 0 in opinion.](3D" - bobtheme[: "Maybe gas is ju= st his natural defensive response to threats."](3D") - Xcot= t[can't believe the subliminal messaging of this dude misspellin= g his own name.](3D"=) Politics Smart: - Da= llymo[knows all dogs can be trained - you don't have to give up on= them.](3D"=) - Call the Guy[noticed the snub of g= oing to another news media site to have your interview.](3D" - aaronx[hopes current events have made people think twice abou= t privatizing services.](3D"https://=) - dr_blasto[wishes w= e wouldn't go for the obvious solution to social media.](3D") - hugadarn[believes they encountered someone who really does ju= st want to 'teach them a lesson.'](3D"https:=) Monkey's Pick= I felt these posts were exceptionally funny or smart, eve= n though they didn't get many votes. Warning: Unsorted, may contain poli= tics. Funny: - Naido[: "I see yo= u with that goat"](3D") - hubiestubert[knows that = even wild cats are assholes.](3D") - Weaver95[poke= d at the Bible's horrible plot.](3D") Smart: - Sentient[wishes there was less red tape around giving back to= their community.](3D"https:=) - patowen[suggested gravi= ty storage, to store excess electricity.](3D") - EvilEgg= trong>[shared an unobvious benefit of having kids.](3D") - = Weaver95[has reason to hope that our current brand of political no= nsense will end, eventually.](3D"=) [CSB](3D" Morning theme - "[The first time you went to the movies](3D")" = g> This week, Farkers were challenged to share stories about the first t= ime they saw a movie. [Funny](=3D"): - Slid= ing Carp[watched a horror movie when they were six.](3D"=) -&nbs= p;Aquapope[slept through The Jungle Book and his brother's= conception.](3D"h=) - xanadian['s mom thought it'd b= e a good idea to have a six (or seven) year old watch Watership Down. Oh bo= y.](3D" - Squid_for_Brains[got to run around the= drive-in theaters.](3D" [Smart](=3D"): - Cafe= Threads[was traumatized by Bambi at 40 years of age.](3D"=) -&n= bsp;vudukungfu[used a seven year old's powers of observat= ion to fix the neighbor's car.](=3D" - Weaver95[wa= s taken to see Star Wars: A New Hope at 8 years old. Starting them off earl= y, I see!](3D") - aimtastic[was packed into a car= to see Star Wars.](3D" - Someone Else's Alt[expe= rienced an early awakening.](3D") Top Contest Entries Some of the top-voted [contest](3D" entries from last week. As al= ways, everybody gets one - and they're sorted by how likely they are to sti= ll be open. [Photoshops](=3D" - Driver= ng>[delivered a toilet to the Charmin bear(s).](3D") - RedZ= oneTuba[couldn't help but admire the statue.](3D".=) - I_Am_Weasel[just left the Black Knight in the middle of the for= est.](3D"https=) - EvaDewer[went UFO curling.](3D" -= Yammering_Splat_Vector[found the pigeon factory.](3D" - Thoaar[built a stone-age flying car. Must've = been a Jetsons crossover episode.](3D" - bathbone= [did his best Xenomorph impression.](3D") - James_Corn= trong>[wishes it were a different crossover.](3D") - west.l= a.lawyer[went a bit too far into the bushes. Now Homer's stuck in = Wonderland, Narnia, what have you.](3D"=) - fisker = performed an illegal modification on Starscream. - p5= 1d007[found the Geico gecko, all washed up.](3D"=) - samthecamel[wonders if that iceberg isn't something more siniste= r.](3D"https:=) - SubsequentDamage[watched the birds mig= rate.](3D" - samsquatch[, I don't remember th= is episode of Star Trek.](3D" - nitropissering= g>[took the credit.](3D") - jagermurray[remembers = an old Las Vegas visit.](3D") - Stephen_Falken[kne= w who the real '70s fashionista was.](3D") - GoodDoctorB= strong>[took a hot air balloon to space.](3D") - Abe Vigoda= 's Ghost[knows the Barbie meme.](3D"=) - GaijinH= trong>[strolled on in to this very private area.](3D") - St= ephen_Falken[bought a themed bowtie for a galactic host.](3D"https:/=) [Captions](3D".=): ["Caption this request for input"](3D"https:=) ([image=](3D")) 6 ties for second place... Why must you torment me so???= ????? (nah, it's fine.) - NotNewsletterMonkey Walker= g>[knows that's not how any of this works.](3D") RedZoneTuba= ng>[had an easy way to find the baby's father.](3D") Snubnose= ong>[criticized this drawing of a tree.](3D") Call the Guy= >[knows how many farks they have left.](3D") Albert911emt= >[is irritated at their asymmetrical nipples.](3D") johnny_vegas[wants people to stop asking them when they're due. They've not bee= n in school for ages!](3D"=) Diocletian's Last Cabbage[can= 't convince this dude to give up on the witch hunt.](3D") ["C= aption this first day on the job"](3D") ([image](3D" Mojongo= g>[knows the most important lesson to give these puppies, to make sure they= survive.](3D") bearded clamorer[is missing a puppy.](3D" want to ask for advice from baby goats. = Good thing they're not goats!](3D"ht=) ["Caption this shop class"](3D")= ([image](3D")) JesusMcSordid[salvaged an important piece = of "equipment."](3D" Any Pie Left[knows to count their = fingers before and after entering the shop.](3D" ["Caption = these elite athletes"](3D") ([image](3D"h=)) Pinnacle Point[to= ok this photo seconds before disaster.](3D") RedZoneTuba = is optimistic about Connor's chances. ["Caption thi= s contemplative Canuck"](3D") ([image](3D=)) Herb Utsmelz[wa= tched funny bear videos.](3D") skybird659[heard Yogi Bear= lament eating Boo-Boo.](3D") Gordon Bennett[wishes peopl= e would stop trying to take their bear arms away.](3D") = [Farktography th= eme:](3D") "[Urban Jungle](3D"ht=)" This week, Farkers were challenged to show us pi= ctures of urban landscapes - that means buildings, traffic, sketchy alleys,= etc. - Lovesandwich[visited a bustling neighbor= hood near a bridge.](3D" - EvaDewer[discovered wh= at the areas under old Roman bridges look like nowadays.](3D") - bikkurikun[experienced the unrelenting lights of a major cit= y.](3D"htt=) - bobbifleckman[shared a photo of someon= e's real-life cartoon project.](3D" [Upcoming Fark Par= ties](3D" It's easy to plan for a Fark Party - you're effect= ively saying that "I'm going to be here at this time, come hang out." [Su= bmit one!](3D" [May 4th, Farkers visiting Kir= biicon @ Fort Lauderdale, Florida](3D"https:=) (LAST CALL FROM THE= NOTNEWSLETTER - NEXT NNL POST IS ON MAY 8TH, PAST CONVENTION DAY!= ) Still planning the OCT. 12TH, 25= th Anniversary Fark Party (Lexington KY). We'll have a thread for it when we figure out the venue. Fark Headlines of the Week= A selection of some of the top headlines from last week. [On this d= ay in history, in 1014, High King Brian of Ireland was killed by Vikings. A= dding insult to injury, scholars record that as he lay dying, his stricken = soldiers all come together to sing "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life"=](3D") [Four year old becomes police officer for a day. Later he = resisted a rest](3D"=) [God, that's brutal](3D"=) [Wash___al](3D") = [Imbecile tourists mob = elk, who shows them her theory on brontosauruses](3D") [Because i= t was there?](3D") [It's that time of year. Bring us your hazardous waste. NOT= LIKE THAT. EVERYBODY OUT](3D"ht=) [It's a hard life being the man w= ith the world's biggest penis, complains local man over and over again to t= he media](3D") [Sheriff says there's nothing fishy about finding = a BMW in a lake, and they'd be more surprised to find one parked correctly](3D"https:/=)[Man arrested for setting fires in trashcans, refuses to d= ivulge what old lady Semple said when he torched her pension check](3D"=) = [Strange voices are saying things I can't understand. It's too clos= e for comfort, this heat has got right out of hand. It's gonna be a cruel s= ummer](3D") [Oil sprays from an ANA flight causing 213 passengers to clenc= h something similar](3D"=) Fark We= ird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)Another fun time on the Quiz last week, where we learned no one likes fr= uitcake. On the Quiz itself, MinorThreat1 came out on top = with 1013, followed by Denjiro in second with 958 and EasilyDistracted in third with 942. zerkalo m= ade fourth with 935, and coscausticevil rounds out the top= five with 929. The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was a= bout the most murderous city in the United States. Only 27% of quiztakers c= aught the article and knew that Macon, GA, the home of the Allman Brothers = Band, now has the country's highest murder rate of 28.8 per 10,000, more th= an three times the national average. Of course, with the introduction of pe= rmitless carry by everyone over 18 and teachers carrying guns in schools, n= eighboring Tennessee wants a shot at the title. The easiest questio= n on last week's Easy Quiz was about which game the Chicago-based Pinstripe= s restaurant and entertainment venue wants to spread around the country. 96= % of quiztakers recognized "Bocce" as a game involving rolling balls to get= closest to a target ball. "Pallavolo" is actually Italian for "volleyball"= and "Calcio" is the Italian word for "soccer". Pinstripes also offers "bow= ling", which is what the Italians call bowling. They just really like rolli= ng balls at that place. The hardest question on last week's Easy Qu= iz was about which model Subaru was discontinuing in favor of higher SUV pr= oduction. Only 57% of quiztakers recognized the Legacy as the sedan. The Ou= tback is a crossover SUV they have no plans to get rid of at this time. = The easiest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about which Pulitzer= Prize winner's former college abode was on the market, 90% of quiztakers r= ecognized that Arthur Miller would go on to kill salesmen and melt metal be= fore marrying Marilyn Monroe for about five years. He did go on to marry Au= strian photographer Inge Morath to whom he stayed married for forty years u= ntil her death in 2002. If you missed out last week, now's a great = time to [catch up on t= he Fark Weird News Quiz](3D"=) now that you know a few of the answers. Congrat= ulations once again to the winners, and we'll do it all again on Friday. --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") f= rom newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click here to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. PO Box 1291, Versailles KY 40383 = ------------=_1714597110-66935-12893--