What can I do today to break out of the routine fog?
April 17, 2020
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[Altucher Confidential]
âWhat can I do today to break out of the routine fog?â
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âLivingâ Is the Only Purpose of Life
By James Altucher
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Iâm a sociopath. Or a narcissist. Or a fraud. A scam. A con. A criminal. A bad son. Aspergerâs. Money is my âreligion.â âCrazy!â
Itâs a good thing everyone else is so perfect.Â
That way after I upset them they can tell me very clearly what I am.
My friend recently was broken up with by her boyfriend. âHe was a narcissist,â she said.
And yes, he sounded like it when she described all the things he did. âHe didnât even want a dog! Who is like that?â
âHe wasnât like that when I fell in love,â she said. âBut maybe thatâs what sociopaths do.â
Sounds like it!
Lots of narcissists and sociopaths. All my friends went out with one, or five.
The Bible says, âThou shall not kill.â Or âTurn the other cheekâ or âCast not the first stoneâ as a way of saying, âDo not judge lest you be judged.â
It also says God was angry at Onan. What?
Selfâhelp says, âBe positive.â This sounds stupid.
Life is pretty hard. You canât pretend to be positive. Some days just suck.
Itâs OK to be sad sometimes. Happiness is just one emotion among thousands.
âIt must have been so freeing,â people said to me wistfully when I told them I threw out all of my belongings.
No! Sometimes I missed things. Sometimes I was melancholy. And I love that feeling.
Diversify your emotions so you arenât dependent on just one.
Now the Bible is the DSMâ6. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
You and I, weâre crazy.
The âSpectrumâ is the new âGenius.â Goodbye âIntrovert.â
I wrote some software to diagnose my friends.
It was on something brand new called the âWorld Wide Web.â This was 1992.
The user would arrive at a web site (maybe there were 100 websites in the world then) and fill out a questionnaire.
It was like a tree of questions navigating through the DSMâIII (or IV, I forget). And at the end, it would tell them what they were.
Iâm proud to say I was diagnosed with âschizoaffective disorder.â A brandânew disease!
Then, I threw a party. I put up everyoneâs diagnoses so everyone could see what mental illnesses all of our friends had.
One of my friends wrote the software for what became a $2 billion search engine.
Another wrote software for something I donât understand that he sold for $40 million. Another wrote another search engine that Yahoo! bought for billions.
My friends just loved making search engines!
I only wrote software to make people laugh.
Thatâs so crazy!
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Iâve seen actual crazy. Itâs not like the movies. And itâs not your friendâs boyfriend who cheated.
Crazy is when the person you knew âchecks outâ and a monster âchecks in.â
The doctor told me even on medication âit could be six monthsâ before the person you know âreturns.â
The depth of sadness when that person who is close to you dies to you. I died.
I donât know how to describe it.
âThe person you knew checks out and a monster checks in.â Iâll let the professionals do the work here.
In Hollywood movies, âmanic depressiveâ usually means some days they are sad and some days they are REALLY, REALLY happy. This is âHollywood bipolar.â
Real bipolar, real mental illness, is progressive and gets worse and worse.
They stop medication and become worse because mania feels larger than life. They donât want to stop being GOD.
Real bipolar people lose all of their friends. Nobody can take care of them.
Real bipolar people end up homeless (60% of homeless are bipolar).
Real bipolar people often kill themselves because they refuse to take medication until itâs too late.
Itâs a disease.
I donât know what I can do to help someone who is bipolar. They usually donât want help.
But cleaning my own room is the first step to clean the world.
The only purpose in life is to live. I just want to live the best life I can today.
Yesterday was a wisp of memory, a puff of personality. And tomorrow is the ghost of a distant future.
My insecurities are not so important. My fears. The people offended by me. The people I am offended by. But they try to pull me down into the water.
Weâre all boats on a foggy night. Where is home? I want to go home.
âLiving lifeâ is trying as much as possible to be the beacon of light that clears the fog on a drizzly night. Come home safely, ships!
You canât drag the ships home if they crash. You canât control the ships. You canât talk to the ships.
Just be the light.
Sorry for being corny.
How do I try to be the light? That sounds pretentious.
Donât do anything.
That's what I tell myself. Living is the only purpose of life. Ask, âAm I LIVING?â Then you are a beacon.
What can I do today to break out of the routine fog?
It takes focus. I have to tell myself, âDonât get bogged down in the agendas of friends, family, teachers, jobs, government, culture.â
Be aware of the agendas. Slow down the fear of not subscribing to those agendas. Even for a little brief nanoâsecond.
For a moment, be the beacon. Then try again. And again.
So many people dead at 25 and buried at 75.
I am still alive.
Sincerely,
[James Altucher]
James Altucher
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