The Stoic remedy for when people let you down; an illustrated celebration of how trees teach us to be human; finding meaning at the end of time

NOTE: This newsletter might be cut short by your email program. [View it in full](.  If a friend forwarded it to you and you'd like your very own newsletter, [subscribe here]( — it's free.  Need to modify your subscription? You can [change your email address]( or [unsubscribe](. [Brain Pickings]( [Welcome] Hello {NAME}! This is the weekly email digest of the daily online journal [Brain Pickings]( by Maria Popova. If you missed last week's edition — growing through grief, gardening as creative redemption, a simple and powerful Buddhist tangerine meditation for presence, stunning rare butterflies — you can catch up [right here](. If my labor of love enriches your life in any way, please consider supporting it with a [donation]( – for a decade and a half, I have spent tens of thousands of hours, made many personal sacrifices, and invested tremendous resources in Brain Pickings, which remains free and ad-free and alive thanks to reader patronage. If you already donate: THANK YOU. [The Stoic Antidote to Frustration: Marcus Aurelius on How to Keep Your Mental Composure and Emotional Equanimity When People Let You Down]( [meditations_robinwaterfield.jpg?fit=320%2C496]( The vast majority of our mental, emotional, and spiritual suffering comes from the violent collision between our expectations and reality. As we dust ourselves off amid the rubble, bruised and indignant, we further pain ourselves with the exertion of staggering emotional energy on outrage at how reality dared defy what we demanded of it. The remedy, of course, is not to bend the reality of an impartial universe to our will. The remedy is to calibrate our expectations — a remedy that might feel far too pragmatic to be within reach in the heat of the collision-moment, but also one with profound poetic undertones once put into practice. Walt Whitman understood this when, felled by a paralytic stroke, he [considered what makes life worth living]( and instructed himself: “Tone your wants and tastes low down enough, and make much of negatives, and of mere daylight and the skies.” He spared himself the additional self-inflicted suffering of outrage at how his body failed him — perhaps because, having proclaimed himself [the poet of the Body and the poet of the Soul]( he understood the two to be one. He squandered no emotional energy on the expectation that his suddenly disabled body perform a counterpossible feat against reality to let him enjoy his beloved [tree workouts]( and daily excursions to the river. He simply edited his expectations to accord with his new reality and sought to find his joy there, within these new parameters of being. [margaretcook_leavesofgrass23.jpg?resize=680%2C864] Art by Margaret C. Cook from a [rare 1913 edition]( of Whitman’s Leaves of Grass. (Available [as a print]( What is true of the poetics of our own body-soul is as true of the poetics of relationship, that beautiful and terrifying interchange between separate body-souls. Little syphons the joy of life more surely than the wasted energy of indignation at how others have failed to behave in accordance with what we expected of them. Two millennia before the outrage culture of the Internet, the [lovesick queer teenager]( turned Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius (April 26, 121–March 17, 180) addressed this curious self-mauling tendency of the human mind with his characteristic precision of insight and unsentimental problem-solving in the notebooks that became his [Meditations]( ([public library]( — a timeless book, newly translated and annotated by the British classics scholar Robin Waterfield, which Marcus Aurelius wrote largely for and to himself, like Tolstoy wrote his [Calendar of Wisdom]( and Bruce Lee [calibrated his core values]( yet a book that went on to stake the pillars of the philosophical system of Stoicism, equipping countless generations with tools for navigating the elemental existential challenges of being human and inspiring others to fill the gaps of its unaddressed questions with [exquisite answers of their own](. [marcusaurelius.jpg?w=680] Marcus Aurelius Epochs before the birth of [probability theory]( Marcus Aurelius begins with a probabilistic-statistical consolation: [2e292385-dc1c-4cfe-b95e-845f6f98c2ec.png]Whenever a person’s lack of shame offends you, you should immediately ask yourself, “So is it possible for there to be no shameless people in the world?” It isn’t, and you should therefore stop demanding the impossible. He’s just one of those shameless people who must necessarily exist in the world. You should keep the same thought readily available for when you’re faced with devious and untrustworthy people, and people who are flawed in any way. As soon as you remind yourself that it’s impossible for such people not to exist, you’ll be kinder to each and every one of them. It’s also helpful immediately to consider what virtue nature has granted us human beings to deal with any given offense — gentleness, for instance, to counter discourteous people… Millennia before William James lit the dawn of modern psychology with the radical assertion that [our experience is what we “agree to attend to,”]( millennia before neuroscience came to [locate the seat of consciousness in the qualia of subjective experience]( Marcus Aurelius serves that classic Stoic cocktail of simply worded obvious truths that are difficult truths to live up to, earned by a thousand complexities of conduct to be practiced daily: [2e292385-dc1c-4cfe-b95e-845f6f98c2ec.png]The things of the world cannot affect the soul; they lie inert outside it, and only internal beliefs disturb it. [4.jpg?resize=680%2C993] Light distribution on soap bubble from a [19th-century French science textbook](. (Available [as a print]( and [as a face mask]( From this follows a curious, infuriating fundament of our humanity: that no matter what another person does — to us or at us or near the self-membraned bubble of our being — our inner response to it lives in the realm of feeling, that sovereign source of light over which we alone have agency and dominion. Even more infuriatingly, Marcus Aurelius reminds us, our outrage at some entirely predictable misbehavior by a person known to misbehave is a failure not of the other but of our own powers of reason: [2e292385-dc1c-4cfe-b95e-845f6f98c2ec.png]You’ll find that none of the people who make you lose your temper has done anything that might affect your mind for the worse; and outside of the mind there’s nothing that is truly detrimental or harmful for you… After all, you even had the resources, in the form of your ability to think rationally, to appreciate that he was likely to commit that fault, yet you forgot it and are now surprised that he did exactly that. Observing that to explode with rage at the offender would make no positive difference to their conduct and would only further perturb your own soul, he instead offers a two-step process for dealing with the situation, telescoping into the broad existential perspective and then microscoping into your own innermost values: [2e292385-dc1c-4cfe-b95e-845f6f98c2ec.png]First, don’t be upset. Nothing happens that isn’t in accord with universal nature, and before long you won’t exist at all, just like [your heroes]… Second, fix your gaze on the matter at hand and see it for what it is, and then, keeping in your mind your obligation to be a good man and the demands of your humanity, go right ahead and do it, in the way that seems to you to be most just. But do it with kindness and modesty, and without dissembling. This is but one manifestation of the central preoccupation of the Meditations — the lifelong project of learning to see clearly as the greatest self-defense against mental anguish. So much of our disappointment and rage, after all, stem from the clash between our misperceptions of things and the reality of things — they are the pain of disillusionment, inflamed in those moments when the veil of illusion is lifted or violently pierced to let us, finally, see reality. Reaching across space and time, across cultures and civilizations, Marcus Aurelius prescribes the antidote: [2e292385-dc1c-4cfe-b95e-845f6f98c2ec.png]Always define or describe to yourself every impression that occurs to your mind, so that you can clearly see what the thing is like in its entirety, stripped to its essence, and tell yourself its proper name and the names of the elements of which it consists and into which it will be resolved. Nothing is more conducive to objectivity than the ability methodically and honestly to test everything that you come across in life, and always to look at things in such a way that you consider what kind of part each of them plays in what kind of universe, and what value it has for the universe as a whole. [eclipse.jpg?resize=680%2C552] Total solar eclipse by [Étienne Léopold Trouvelot]( 1878. (Available [as a print]( and [as a face mask]( Clarity of vision, he reminds us, is the basis of rightful action, and while our own rightful action may not be a guarantee of our contentment — or what the Romans shorthanded as “the good life” — it is our only assurance toward it: [2e292385-dc1c-4cfe-b95e-845f6f98c2ec.png]If you carry out every present task by following right reason assiduously, resolutely, and with kindness; if rather than getting distracted by irrelevancies, you keep your guardian spirit unspoiled and steady, as though you had to surrender it at any moment; if you engage with the task not with expectations or evasions, but satisfied if your current performance is in accord with nature and if what you say and express is spoken with true Roman honesty, you’ll be living the good life. And there’s no one who can stop you doing so! Complement with Seneca, another apostle of Stoicism, on [the antidote to anxiety]( and Marcus Aurelius himself, in a different translation of his Meditations, on [the key to living with presence]( [the most potent motivation for work]( and [how to begin each day]( then revisit Ursula K. Le Guin’s [magnificent more-than-translation]( of another ancient classic from the wisdom tradition of a different civilization, the Tao Te Ching. (One thing that has always troubled me about modern translations of ancient classics is that they present an opportunity to calibrate the inclusiveness of these teachings to our present hard-earned sphere of dignity without changing their message — an opportunity very few translators take, for it requires a formidably delicate balance between the rigors of scholarship and the responsibilities of a social conscience. Count on Le Guin, whose meditation on [being “a man”]( remains the finest thing I have ever read on the history of gender in language, to leap at that opportunity and make something soaring.) [Forward to a friend]( Online]( [Like on Facebook]( donating=loving For 15 years, I have been spending hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars each month to keep Brain Pickings going. It has remained free and ad-free and alive thanks to patronage from readers. I have no staff, no interns, no assistant — a thoroughly one-woman labor of love that is also my life and my livelihood. If this labor makes your life more livable in any way, please consider aiding its sustenance with a donation. Your support makes all the difference. monthly donation You can become a Sustaining Patron with a recurring monthly donation of your choosing, between a cup of tea and a Brooklyn lunch.  one-time donation Or you can become a Spontaneous Supporter with a one-time donation in any amount. [Start Now]( [Give Now]( Partial to Bitcoin? You can beam some bit-love my way: 197usDS6AsL9wDKxtGM6xaWjmR5ejgqem7 [Kiss of the Sun: Poetry, Love, and Our Search for Meaning at the End of Time]( [maryruefle_selectedpoems.jpg?fit=320%2C483]( Who could fault us, really? Who could fault us — exquisite miracles of evolution with a wilderness of consciousness compacted into a modest mammalian skull with a limited cognitive capacity — for being so staggered and stupefied by the knowledge that everything we have ever known and loved and warred over, every axon of every neuron of every mind doing the knowing, along with the mosquito and the moons of Saturn, the neutrino and Andromeda, all [banged into being 13.8 billion years ago from a single source, no louder than the opening note of Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony, no larger than the dot levitating over the small i, the I lowered from the pedestal of ego]( If we are lucky enough, if we are humble and awake enough, we might carve our confusion into [an ode to “the singularity we once were.”]( Mostly, we blink in half-comprehending astonishment at the edge of terror — a consciousness as symphonic as ours cannot contemplate [the beginning of time]( without a haunting awareness of the end of time, for we know that every beginning presupposes an end. We know with a mute creaturely knowledge, and we spend our complex lives hedging against it with all of our arts and antagonisms, that everything eventually ends — each love, each life, the universe itself. The succulent dream of eternity is kerneled with the hard fact that in a mere four billion years, the Sun — this common star whose modest yellow light kissed us into being amid the rude blankness of pure spacetime — will spin into its final collapse and take with it every mitochondrion and every trace of Beethoven. Who could fault us, then, for shuddering at the knowledge that all of it — all that glorious everythingness risen from the nothingness — will eventually vanish back into the void. [meteors1.jpg?w=680] Meteor shower, 1868. One of Étienne Léopold Trouvelot’s [pioneering astronomical illustrations](. (Available [as a print]( and [as a face mask]( Against this backdrop of awareness, the task and triumph of life is to find our own answer, private and pliant, to the bellowing question of what confers meaning and beauty upon our ephemeral existence — which is what Vermont poet laureate Mary Ruefle offers with uncommon splendor of sentiment and image in her poem “Kiss of the Sun,” found in her altogether ravishing [Selected Poems]( ([public library](. Poetry entered my life fairly late along its finite trajectory, via my dear friend [Emily Levine]( who has since returned to the void. It has remained a friendship commons, a place to gather with humans I love and parse the meaning of why we are here, for as long as we share this improbable gift of aliveness. None has been more present or more kindred in this poetic adventure than [Amanda Palmer](. We began reading and reflecting on poems together in public between songs at Amanda’s shows nearly a decade ago. As our lives shape-shifted, as the world shape-shifted, we [never stopped]( poetry, a metronome of friendship; poems, atoms of time and atoms of trust. And so I have entrusted Amanda with breathing voice into Mary Ruefle’s gorgeous existential exhale of a poem. [e0183faf-8cff-4559-a34d-054bdf4ba4ec.png]( [2e292385-dc1c-4cfe-b95e-845f6f98c2ec.png]KISS OF THE SUN by Mary Ruefle If, as they say, poetry is a sign of something among people, then let this be prearranged now, between us, while we are still peoples: that at the end of time, which is also the end of poetry (and wheat and evil and insects and love), when the entire human race gathers in the flesh, reconstituted down to the infant’s tiniest fold and littlest nail, I will be standing at the edge of that fathomless crowd with an orange for you, reconstituted down to its innermost seed protected by white thread, in case you are thirsty, which does not at this time seem like such a wild guess, and though there will be no poetry between us then, at the end of time, the geese all gone with the seas, I hope you will take it, and remember on earth I did not know how to touch it it was all so raw, and if by chance there is no edge to the crowd or anything else so that I am of it, I will take the orange and toss it as high as I can. Complement with Ruefle on [why we read]( and her [stunning color spectrum of sadness]( then revisit Ursula K. Le Guin’s [“Hymn to Time”]( and physicist Brian Greene’s [Rilkean reflection on filling our finitude with meaning](. [Forward to a friend]( Online]( [Like on Facebook]( [The Tree in Me: A Lyrical Illustrated Meditation on the Root of Our Strength, Creativity, and Connection]( [thetreeinme_luyken-scaled.jpg?fit=320%2C493]( Walt Whitman, who [considered trees the profoundest teachers in how to best be human]( remembered [the woman]( he loved and respected above all others as that rare person who was “entirely herself; as simple as nature; true, honest; beautiful as a tree is tall, leafy, rich, full, free — is a tree.” At the outset of what was to become the most challenging year of my life, and the most challenging for the totality of the world in our shared lifetime, I resolved to [face it like a tree]( — a resolution blind to that unfathomable future, as all resolutions and all futures tend to be, but one that made it infinitely more survivable. I was [not the only one](. Humans, after all, have a long history of [learning resilience from trees]( and [fathoming our own nature through theirs]( Hesse saw in them [the paragon of self-actualization]( Thoreau reverenced them as [cathedrals that consecrate our lives]( Dylan Thomas entrusted them with [humbling us into the essence of our humanity]( ancient mythology [placed them at its spiritual center]( and science used them as [an organizing principle for knowledge](. Artist and author Corinna Luyken draws on this intimate connection between the sylvan and the human in [The Tree in Me]( ([public library]( — a lyrical meditation on the root of creativity, strength, and connection, with a spirit and sensibility kindred to her earlier [emotional intelligence primer in the form of a painted poem](. [thetreeinme21.jpg?resize=680%2C453]( [thetreeinme1.jpg?resize=680%2C534]( [thetreeinme22.jpg?resize=680%2C453]( [thetreeinme28.jpg?resize=680%2C465]( Inspired by Thich Nhat Hanh’s timeless and transformative mindfulness teachings, which she first encountered long ago in the character-kiln of adolescence and which profoundly influenced her worldview as she matured, Luyken considers the book “a seedling off the tree” from the great Zen teacher’s classic [tangerine meditation]( — the fruition of her longtime desire to make something beautiful and tender that invites the young (and not only the young) to look more deeply into the nature of the world, into their own nature and its magnificent interconnectedness to all of nature. After years of incubation, after many trials that landed far from her vision, a spare poem came to her. Paintings grew out of the words. A book blossomed. [thetreeinme25.jpg?resize=680%2C414]( [thetreeinme5.jpg?resize=680%2C534]( [thetreeinme3.jpg?resize=680%2C534]( [thetreeinme4.jpg?resize=680%2C534]( [2e292385-dc1c-4cfe-b95e-845f6f98c2ec.png]The tree in me is seed and blossom, bark and stump… part shade, and part sun. The singsong verses follow the protagonist — an everychild of ambiguous age, gender, and ethnicity — along a joyful journey of self-discovery, self-understanding, and self-appreciation through warm identification with various aspects of a tree: its irrepressible lushness, the effortless grace with which it bends without breaking, how it is constantly negotiating darkness and light, how it exists in exquisite interdependence with the rest of the living world. [thetreeinme6.jpg?resize=680%2C534]( [thetreeinme24.jpg?resize=680%2C453]( [thetreeinme7.jpg?resize=680%2C534]( [thetreeinme27.jpg?resize=680%2C453]( There is a lovely visual nod to one of the most revelatory and paradigm-shifting scientific discoveries in our lifetime — the [astonishing mycelial web]( by which trees communicate with each other underground, a discovery that may be [nature’s loveliest metaphor for the secret of love](. [thetreeinme8.jpg?resize=680%2C534]( [thetreeinme29.jpg?resize=680%2C441]( As the child looks up to face a young woman — who could be a mother or a sister or a first love or the school janitor or the Vice President — the book ends with a subtle affirmation of William Blake’s timeless tree-tinted insistence that [we see not what we look at but what we are](. [thetreeinme9.jpg?resize=680%2C534]( [thetreeinme30.jpg?resize=680%2C451]( [thetreeinme10.jpg?resize=680%2C534]( [2e292385-dc1c-4cfe-b95e-845f6f98c2ec.png]Because there is a tree, and a sky, and a sun in me, I can see that there is also a tree in you. [thetreeinme20.jpg?resize=680%2C450]( Couple [The Tree in Me]( with [The Day I Became a Bird]( — a kindred illustrated meditation on learning to let ourselves be seen — then revisit D.H. Lawrence on [trees, solitude, and how we root ourselves when relationships collapse]( and Mary Oliver’s short, shimmering poem [“When I Am Among the Trees.”]( [Forward to a friend]( Online]( [Like on Facebook]( donating=loving For 15 years, I have been spending hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars each month to keep Brain Pickings going. It has remained free and ad-free and alive thanks to patronage from readers. I have no staff, no interns, no assistant — a thoroughly one-woman labor of love that is also my life and my livelihood. If this labor makes your life more livable in any way, please consider aiding its sustenance with a donation. Your support makes all the difference. monthly donation You can become a Sustaining Patron with a recurring monthly donation of your choosing, between a cup of tea and a Brooklyn lunch.  one-time donation Or you can become a Spontaneous Supporter with a one-time donation in any amount. [Start Now]( [Give Now]( Partial to Bitcoin? You can beam some bit-love my way: 197usDS6AsL9wDKxtGM6xaWjmR5ejgqem7 A SMALL, DELIGHTFUL SIDE PROJECT: [Vintage Science Face Masks Benefiting the Nature Conservancy (New Designs Added)]( [vintagesciencefacemasks.jpg]( ALSO, NEW CHILDREN’S BOOK BY YOURS TRULY: [The Snail with the Right Heart: A True Story]( [thesnailwiththerightheart_0000.jpg]( [---] You're receiving this email because you subscribed on Brain Pickings. This weekly newsletter comes out on Sundays and offers the week's most unmissable articles. Brain Pickings NOT A MAILING ADDRESS 159 Pioneer StreetBrooklyn, NY 11231 [Add us to your address book]( [unsubscribe from this list](   [update subscription preferences](