During earningspalooza, Chipotle was the whole enchilada

A tasty path to a 66% stock rally. [Bloomberg]( This is Bloomberg Opinion Today, a next-generation platform of Bloomberg Opinion’s opinions. On Sundays, we look at the major themes of the week past and how they will define the week ahead. Sign up for the daily newsletter [here](. [Down Mexico Way]( Last week was another quarterly earningspalooza, and since I work for a financial news service and occasionally even pretend to be a financial journalist, let’s look at who’s rolling in dough. Big Oil? [Not a chance](. Big Luxury? [Ditto](. Big Tech? [Kinda mixed](. Big Bank? [Somewhat](. But the real winner is … Big Burrito?? Yep, the fast-food chain Chipotle crushed estimates, competitors and a whole lotta smoke-dried jalapeños from January through March. Here’s what Bloomberg News’s Daniela Sirtori [said about it](: “Chipotle lifted its full-year outlook as limited-time offers such as chicken al pastor helped boost demand, continuing a streak of positive results as other chains struggle to boost diner traffic. The shares rose as much as 5% on Thursday in New York trading, extending a nearly six-month rally that’s seen the stock surge about 66%.” Wait a minute — chicken al pastor? No, No No No No. While there is debate as to how al pastor made its way to Mexico — one theory is that Lebanese immigrants adapted local ingredients to make their traditional shawarma — there is on indisputable fact: It is made with pork. Delicious pork shoulder, slow-cooked over an open flame, soaking up the cilantro and pineapple flavors. The idea of cooking chicken this way is the worst sort of gringoism. And it gets worse: Honestly, I can’t even. (It appears that due to popular outrage — much of it in Michigan at the single unionized Chipotle store — the company [fudged and relented](.) While Chipotle was raking in the masa, everybody’s favorite sometimes-richest man in the world was muy doloroso. Elon Musk’s car company — if you can [even call it that]( — “had two very different first-quarter results announcements depending on whether you’re more into the numbers or the words. The numbers were bad. The words were dreamy. But it was the lack of words on the subsequent call that spoke volumes,” Liam Denning [writes](. “The first quarter’s [bombshell drop in vehicle sales]( sent predictable shockwaves through Tesla’s financials .... The basic problem is as follows: Since the second quarter of 2022, when Tesla’s revenue per vehicle rose to almost $56,000 apiece, that implied average price has dropped by about $12,000 but the cost of manufacturing has fallen by less than $5,000. More than half the gross profit per vehicle has vanished.” “The announcement duly talked about Tesla having updated its plans to ‘accelerate’ the launch of new vehicles, ‘including more affordable models,’ ahead of the prior target start date of the second half of 2025,” adds Liam. “Now, Tesla talks about melding aspects of next-generation platforms with its existing ones in the new models, enabling the company to build them on existing manufacturing lines. To be clear, that is an intriguing possibility, offering efficiencies to reduce stubborn costs. But also to be clear: It won’t deliver a $25,000 Model 2 anytime soon.” Per usual, an abysmal quarter didn’t stop Musk from [gaining $5.8 billion]( from a rally in Tesla shares, placing him above a certain [(beardless!)]( tech CEO on the Bloomberg Billionaires Index[1](#footnote-1). Speaking of which, Dave Lee [asks]( a pretty vital question in his latest column: “Meta investors must ask themselves one thing about Mark Zuckerberg: Do they trust him?” Hmmm, [gold chain necklace]( aside, I gotta say I’m tempted to trust a guy who has $157 billion more than I do. And I’m enough of a fake financial journalist to remember what happened in the final quarter last year: Meta’s monster gains added $197 billion to its market cap, the biggest single-session value addition in history. Its [third quarter]( was pretty darn swell too. Would those of us with our 401(k)’s in tech-heavy index funds get a threepeat in Q1? “Those hopes were dashed by the results on Wednesday, with shares sliding by [as much as 19%]( in after-hours trading,” writes Dave, sitting under a dark cloud two desks away from me.[2](#footnote-2) “Investors seemed unhappy primarily about three things. First, Meta’s forecast for its current quarter revenue, which fell in the mid-range of what analysts had estimated, suggests digital ad prospects are not as strong as some had expected. Second, Meta increased its full-year capital expenditure expectations to as much as $40 billion, up from a previous high of $37 billion. And third, a sentence you’ve seen written a thousand times by now, spending on the ‘metaverse’ project is still astronomical and won’t be cooling off for at least another year.” Another thing about those billionaires: Their bling of choice is no longer Gucci. “After a warning last month that Gucci sales had slumped, investors knew that Kering’s first-quarter performance wasn’t going to be pretty,” Andrea Felsted [writes](. “But the scale of the problems at the flagship brand were laid bare on Tuesday … heftier investment in Gucci means Kering’s group operating profit will plunge between 40% and 45% in the first half of 2024. The shares fell as much as 10%, to the lowest for six years.” Amid so many catastrophic earnings calls, Thomas Black finds himself writing two pieces about bad news being good news. First, Boeing: “How can a blown-out door plug on an aircraft in midair be a blessing in disguise? When the wake-up call from that near-miss accident is so loud that Boeing is willing to burn the cash it needs to finally get its supply chain in order,” Thomas [writes](. Next [UPS](: “The outlook for United Parcel Service became much clearer on Tuesday after the delivery company reported a steep decline in first-quarter sales and profit: Look for banner results … in the fourth quarter.” Hmm, if one defective door was a blessing and “give us six months” a valid excuse, it seems like Tesla’s two million-car recall and disappearing Model 2 should have had Elon doing [this](: Photographer: Etienne Laurent/AFP via Getty Images Bonus [Money Changes Everything]([Â](Reading: - How JPMorgan’s [Cash Call Beat]( Bank of America — Paul J. Davies - [Four Financial Questions]( for Passover — John Authers - It’s Time for [Earnings to Prove]( the Bulls Right — Jonathan Levin [What’s the World Got in Store](? - China megabank earnings, April 29: Private Credit [Is Disrupting]( Hong Kong Bankers’ Cozy Lives — Shuli Ren - TikTok lawyers at EU General Court, April 29:The TikTok Ban [Is Missing Something](: Evidence — Dave Lee - Fed interest rate target, May 1: A Strong Economy Doesn’t Necessarily [Make the Fed’s Job Harder]( — Claudia Sahm [Road Trippin’]( While the great American al pastor crisis has been avoided, what may be getting harder is a late-night binge of pizza and gelato in Milan, of all places: “Milan, Italy is looking for a little peace and quiet. So, it’s doing the obvious thing — potentially banning pizza and ice cream after midnight,” [reports]( Food & Wine. “Euro News reported that the city’s government filed a legislative starting paper that, if passed, would bar all takeaway food sales after 12:30 a.m. on weekdays and 1:30 a.m. on weekends and public holidays. The ban would include pizza, ice cream, and takeaway drinks.” Milan tried this a decade ago, but residents put up the big basta and the mayor apologized for the mistake. It’s no coincidence that the plan would go into effect from May to November, in other words: tourist season. Barcelona, too, is feeling overwhelmed by tourists, and is resorting to insidious technological trickery. “Bus No. 116 goes to Antoni Gaudí’s Park Güell, one of the top tourist destinations in the city,” Tyler Cowen [writes](. “Neighborhood and bus crowding, however, induced the city council to [remove the bus route]( from Google and Apple maps. So getting to Park Güell is now harder for tourists — which doesn’t bother the locals one bit.” Such anti-tourist sentiment is officially a trend: “New York City has placed severe [restrictions]( on Airbnb in an effort to restore the supply of apartments for the city’s residents, rather than tourists,” writes Tyler. “Amsterdam [tells]( British ‘party tourists’ not to visit the city, for fear they indulge in too much drink, drugs and sex. Japan is [hiking]( the price of the bullet trains for tourists by 70%. Venice is charging day trippers [five euros a visit](.” Ever the economist, Tyler think the Japanese have the smartest plan, and Venice should actually charge more. But in the end, he’s siding with the folks in shorts and flip-flops: “It is the fate of countries to have either too many tourists or too few. All things considered, the former problem is the better one to have.” [Taco Taco Tacos]( I’ve always felt that the best opinion pieces are those that take on the strongest arguments from the other side and persuasively knock them down. So I decided to let Chipotle make its case in the only way possible: tacos al pastor. And the verdict is … not bad, actually. Not, as the press release promises, [“hot off the grill”]( — as the pictures below prove. But they don’t overdo the pineapple and lime, and the mixture of morita peppers and achiote kicks in with a little spice at the end. It may not be authentic, but it’s a relatively tasty path to a 66% stock rally. Photos via Tobin Harshaw Notes: Please send gelato and feedback to Tobin Harshaw at tharshaw@bloomberg.net. [1] You may spot a curious omission on the index: The guy with his name on my office building. Officially: "Bloomberg News editorial policy is to not cover Bloomberg L.P. As a result, Michael Bloomberg, the founder and majority owner of Bloomberg L.P., isn't considered for this ranking." [2] Dave's a great guy, and even better: He's British! And as a shameless Anglophile I constantly bother him and the pride of Brighton, John Authers, with questions about Premier League football and by playing 1990s Britpop insanely loudly on my Apple Max Pros. Oasis over Blur, obviously. Follow Us Like getting this newsletter? [Subscribe to Bloomberg.com]( for unlimited access to trusted, data-driven journalism and subscriber-only insights. Before it’s here, it’s on the Bloomberg Terminal. Find out more about how the Terminal delivers information and analysis that financial professionals can’t find anywhere else. [Learn more](. Want to sponsor this newsletter? [Get in touch here](. You received this message because you are subscribed to Bloomberg's Opinion Today newsletter. If a friend forwarded you this message, [sign up here]( to get it in your inbox. 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