why fat shaming the hell out of Santa is good for the business

If you want to do something on Christmas tomorrow that: 1. Will bond your list to you more - making them more likely to want to buy from you in future emails 2. Probably make you sales 3. And give your list a chuckle, which also can lead to more sales in ye olde stocking... Then here's all you do: Send your list an email tomorrow. But, not just any ol' email. Send them an email describing advice you are giving to Santa Claus. Specifically, advice related to whatever it is you sell - just use your imagination. Yes, it's completely and unrepentently dorky. And no, it's not going to make you a million doll hairs. But it MIGHT get your business some sales. It MIGHT make your list look forward to more emails. And it MIGHT even make 'em a bit happier. What??? You don't know how to do this? You have no idea how to even begin such an email? OK, relax, Hermey. I'm going to give you a glowing red nose-like beacon to follow in your business. I sent the exact email (the product and URL details have been removed, the date changed of course) below some 11 or 12 years ago to a list of weight loss prospects in another business I used to partner in at the time. It's a very simple template with this year's date swapped in from 2011 or 2012. Just switch out my product/market details with yours: ==== Santa's CrAzY 2024 fat loss plan Heya! I know it's Christmas night and you probably want to go to bed (I do too!) but I HAVE to tell you about this crazy little guy who showed up at my door tonight. He was short, about 4 feet tall. He also had weird shoes that curled at the toe. And even more weird, he had pointy ears. I asked him who he was and he said he was a messenger from Santa! Apparently, Santa is getting older and slower, and he's concerned about his weight now. He is worried about having heart problems, his type 2 diabetes from his obesity makes him feel aches and pains he never had before, and he's understandably scared he will feel an icy shot of pain up his left arm and promptly drop dead of a heart attack mid-chimney drop while carrying presents to kids due to his weight. And he wanted my advice. So here's what I told this messenger to tell Santa: 1. Start eating more protein! I told the messenger to tell Santa to get those elves to start bringing him more meat and protein, instead of white carbs like bread, etc. 2. Quit eating the cookies and milk! When going to down chimneys and seeing plate of cookies and a glass of milk, ignore it! And instead, leave a note next to them saying next year he'd prefer to be left fruit or maybe some meat and cheese, instead. And also, instead of milk, leave water. Protein waters are fine, too. If he needs advice on that, he should check out my ____ book on sale this week. 3. Start exercising more He doesn't have to huff and puff and sweat and strain, he can do my _____ program instead, that's fine. I said to tell Santa this is NOT based on hard exercise. It's based on using his nervous system to do the heavy lifting for him, and was developed by a Russian "super soldier" who wanted a way to get in shape quickly. 4. Start walking more! In other words... Instead of hitching up the reindeer team to go to the store or run errands, I told the messenger to tell Santa to get his blubber butt outside and walk through the snow, it's great for his heart and body, and the fresh air won't exactly hurt him either. 5. Lay off 50% of the elves! Let's face it. All those elves are dead weight. And by trimming his workforce down, he'll also trim his considerable stomach down, too, because he'll be forced to roll up his sleeves and do more work. Anyway, so that's that. This is the plan I have for Santa. We'll see if he listens in 2024. Have a GREAT Christmas. And I'll see you soon! SIGNATURE ===== And that's all there is to it. Even if you don't get a bunch of sales in your business, just doing stuff like this now and then has a lot of power for future sales, future engagement, and future business. And it also can make people look forward to reading future emails from you. Try it and you'll see for yourself. Then for slightly less dorky tips, check out the Email Players newsletter. Next month is the 150th issue. And Daddy’s got many extra thick layers of fat (not the jiggly kind) info inside. Here’s the link: [https∶//www.EmailPlayers.com]( Ben Settle This email was sent by Ben Settle as owner of Settle, LLC. Copyright © 2023 Settle, LLC. All Rights Reserved. No part of this email may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission from Settle, LLC. Click here to [unsubscribe]( Settle, LLC PO Box 1056 Gold Beach Oregon 97444 USA